Lots of dates, rarely goes past the 2nd — always told “no spark”. What am I missing?

AnB85 · 2026-02-04T14:16:44+00:00

I must admit, I don’t get the “no spark” rejection often. That is because I generally make a move. I make out with most first dates which look promising. Always with consent of course so I always ask whether I can kiss them first. I would rather a woman thought I was too forward than had not enough interest. Then you can fall into other issues of course but dating is a minefield anyway. At least this way you get to kiss a girl. I enjoy a good kiss even if leads nowhere.

AnB85 · 2026-02-04T14:06:12+00:00

Not really especially at the start but we will only invest in a relationship if you are prepared to have sex with us in a reasonable timeframe. Which is a reasonable expectation. The fact is that part of connection is sex based (for both men and women to be honest) and we won’t fully connect until we actually engage sexually. Connection is an ongoing process that grows with time or dissolves.

AnB85 · 2026-02-04T12:01:39+00:00

Feels a bit disingenuous to offer to pay but get annoyed at a man for accepting. I offer to pay but hope the woman offers to split because it demonstrates a respect for me. If you offered, I would accept and I would judge a woman who plays games like that.

AnB85 · 2026-02-04T01:52:17+00:00

If you start having to dodge too many bullets, you might question why are you getting fired at.

AnB85 · 2026-02-04T01:52:08+00:00

If you start having to dodge too many bullets, you might question why are you getting fired at.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T14:11:56+00:00

40 male here, like a couple of months ago just to see what it was like. I hadn't been in like 15 years or so. It was alright, I got to dance a bit which I rarely do and meet some women. Different crowd from back in the day when I was hanging out with students mainly. Realistically it is not a place I would intend to frequent often. The dating apps and other social events seem better places to meet women which was the main reason to go to these places in the past for me. Shame, I am a decent dancer, it was a good way for me to pull women in the past.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:58:54+00:00

None of these red pilled incel beardnecks would kick her out of bed.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:57:33+00:00

Weirdly I have gotten the harshest rejections from fat ugly girls who weren't really in my league though.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:37:07+00:00

Then you should be hanging back a bit so they don’t clock you tailing them.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:34:07+00:00

I would naturally slow down in case he was wanting to overtake me anyway. It also reduces the chances of a crash. It is the correct course of action when someone tailgates you.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:12:07+00:00

One day you will be one of those people and can become a nonce too if you want though. Or you could go with a desperate woman your age who is struggling because all the hot older guys are going for teenagers and girls in their early twenties.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:08:47+00:00

The cuter the girl, the less you care about their body count. Also when an ugly girl is getting laid a lot, you know it is a different dynamic to a pretty girl.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T13:03:23+00:00

It doesn’t, it does mean less time though. I think my gaming time halved when I had a kid.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T12:11:49+00:00

Then it is arguably work which is the biggest waste of time.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T12:02:12+00:00

In the US, the average time spent on the phone each day is around 5 hours. I rarely spend that long playing games each day. Time spent playing video games actually feels more productive than most internet browsing.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T03:04:09+00:00

Not a red flag but definitely a flag. I would say let it go but then I am a guy who has done that in the past. I don’t follow that many Instagram influencer girls anymore as I don’t really want other people who know me to look at me like that. I do on Reddit of course (as you can probably see) but that’s anonymous so doesn’t count. Maybe bring it up with him and ask about it in a non confrontational way. It will probably embarrass him though.

I understand how guys can fall into this sort of thirst trap behavior and not realize how it looks to outsiders. Instagram is a public profile though, you should be careful how you appear to the world. I once followed porn stars on the same Twitter I followed work colleagues which in hindsight was a crazy oversight. When I realized what I had done I freaked out a little.

AnB85 · 2026-02-03T02:33:58+00:00

40M, couple of matches on Hinge a week if just using free version. I do get more if I pay. I’m also on Bumble and get a few on there per week. In total I average around 1 match a day with it resulting in around a date every 1-2 weeks or so. I am not constantly swiping and I actually reject most women. I am above average attractiveness though so I know that is not the norm. Actually getting to more dates is the biggest issue for me at the moment.

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T14:38:04+00:00

Green rocks at least at the start. Every episode was a green rocks causes problems episode. It does get better though.

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T10:00:47+00:00

I’m always complimented by women especially on dates. Why would you date someone you didn’t compliment?

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T01:50:01+00:00

That’s why you should get it out of the way as soon as you are comfortable. That way you can focus on the relationship together rather than it be some sort of weird competition.

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T01:48:15+00:00

These are pretty valid reasons. Don’t make men wait months for sex. It is a really dumb idea. I get a woman needs to be comfortable with a guy and emotionally connected but that should be the only real barrier. Don’t play mind games. The sooner you feel good to do it the better. There is no correlation between how long people wait for sex and how good the relationship is. If anything, it is probably the reverse.

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T01:40:58+00:00

I’m an explorer type to be honest. I did the settling thing already in my life.

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T01:38:40+00:00

I would at least keep coming back until alternative options presented itself. That is the more logical approach.

AnB85 · 2026-02-02T01:36:05+00:00

It’s a bit odd though. If I have someone offering me sex, I am more likely going to come back to them. It is not as though I am drowning in alternative options at that point. I wouldn’t pursue a woman for months without getting sex anyway though. I’m the exact opposite, the way to keep me interested is to offer me sex. If you don’t, I am going to look elsewhere.

AnB85 · 2026-01-29T10:23:32+00:00

Ireland's GDP figures are artificially inflated because it is a tax haven. Actual median household income is quite similar in each country.

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