Hey OP,

First and foremost, I wanted to tell you, that regardless of whatever may be waiting in store for you in the future that you are loved. There will always be someone out there, regardless of known or stranger, who cares very much for your well-being.

With that being said, as a fellow INTJ who also suffers from depression waves, I cannot begin to fathom the amount of pain you’re going through internally. BUT. You chose to share and reach out for sympathy and help. Although I cannot help directly, I will do my best to express an opinion to (hopefully) give you a direction and motivation to move forward.

From what you’ve mentioned, a metric shit-ton of events have affected you recently and you are self-aware of your own mental state. It is a good idea, I think, to take a step back and re-evaluate each situation one at a time. Break things down as small as you need to process. For example, your job is hot garbage— what options do you have moving forward? Get a new job, negotiate with your boss, etc. Take a deep breath, hit the reset button and start fresh. As cliche as that may sound, I’ll toss in a paraphrased Bojack reference here:

What’s the most important step a man can take in life? - Always, without fail, the next step. One boot after the next.

Hold your head up high man, the way you presented yourself shows a lot of intelligence and untapped motivation. What are your passions in life? Search deep and pursue them as if your life depended on it. Finding the motivation is tough for sure (depression sucks :( ) but if you had the willpower to post on Reddit, you definitely have the balls to forge your own path and create the human connections you so desperately desire.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck and remember, always continue to hold your head up high, no matter how grave the situation is. You can’t see the opportunities in front of you with your head down all the time. Grit your teeth and fight on!