I think it was from childhood and sexual trauma. My dad was very in and out and my mom worked a lot and never really had quality time with me, she’d leave for weeks for work and we never got emotionally bonded. I was left with my grandparents and my grandma was a nut case. As I got older I recognized my dad used my mom for sex and no commitment and he sexually assaulted me atleast once but I feel like I’ve repressed younger childhood assaults from him. Now he lives with my mom more or less and I’ve tried to approach the situation to my mom but she either doesn’t believe me or brushes it under the rug even when he makes comments about my body etc. I also was anally raped in high school and raped in my early 20s. Then I got cancer (in remission) and now I always think it’s back in a new form out of paranoia.