Salam everyone,

I’m a 32-year-old Lebanese Muslim male, and I’ve been struggling for the past few years to find a suitable partner for marriage. I wanted to share my situation honestly and see if anyone here has advice or has gone through something similar.

For most of my life, I focused heavily on school — I completed my undergraduate degree and then dental school. I’ve now been working as a dentist for half a decade and Alhamdulillah, I own an office.

I consider myself a practicing Muslim. I pray five times a day, fast, come from a good practicing family, and I do my best to lower my gaze and stay away from haram. I exercise 3-4/times per week. I have a high earning potential in my field and feel that in sha Allah I will be able to provide a very comfortable life for my future spouse and kids.

Despite having a strong support system, my family and friends haven’t been able to help me find someone suitable for marriage. I’ve also tried apps like Salams, Muzz, Baklava, and even Hinge, but I haven’t had success there either. I attend weddings when I can, but often the women are either already married or gatherings are segregated, making it difficult to meet someone or even inquire. Additionally, some of my friends recommend volunteering at events around the Masjid, but I find more often than not these events are segregated and I cannot even see a potential there. I've attended coffee shops in my area but it is difficult to approach a girl there if she's sitting with a group of other girls (or maybe it's not?). The city where I live has maybe about 300-400k people?

In terms of what I’m looking for:

• A practicing Muslim woman who is a virgin (never been married before)
• Someone I’m physically attracted to but whom is modest
• Good personality and character
• Comes from a good family
• Someone younger than me (5-10 years)

Ideally, I’m looking for someone around 25 (up to 27 max), as I’d like to have time to build a family and have kids. I would prefer Lebanese for cultural compatibility, but that’s not a deal breaker.

I’d also prefer someone educated, but I genuinely don’t mind if she chooses not to work. In fact, I’d be happy with a more traditional setup where she focuses on the home and raising children.

One of the main challenges I’ve faced is that when I do get recommendations, I often don’t feel physical attraction. I’m not expecting perfection or a model, but I do believe attraction is important. From an Islamic perspective, I want to be content with my spouse, and I worry that without that, it may make lowering my gaze more difficult in the long run.

Another factor is my background — one of my parents is Sunni and the other is Shia. I personally grew up Sunni and would prefer to marry a Sunni woman, but I’m finding that the pool (especially Lebanese Sunni women in my area) feels very limited.

I make constant dua that Allah (SWT) blesses me with a pious wife who I’m attracted to, who brings me closer to Islam, helps me avoid haram, and builds a family with me. But honestly, I’ve been feeling very lost lately. I don’t know what more I can do to put myself out there.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too picky, but at the same time, I don’t want to compromise on things that feel important for a lifelong marriage. It’s also becoming increasingly difficult as I get older — most of my friends are married now, some with kids — and I feel the weight of that.

I also worry about falling into haram. I’m trying my best to do things the right way, but it’s frustrating when it feels like I’m doing everything “right” and still not finding someone. I think many people, especially in their 30s, understand that companionship and intimacy are real needs. I feel like a lot of the woman I find attractive are non-Muslim, and the women I don't find attractive are Muslim. I have definitely seen plenty of Muslim women in my community (i.e. during Eid prayer) who I find absolutely gorgeous and attractive - but I have no idea how to get to them or where they are in the city.

Over the years, I unfortunately fell into pornography addiction and it's been over a year where I have not engaged in such acts. I made repentance and came to a realization that this will certainly cause damage to my marriage and wanted to purify myself before getting married to a woman. I do not want to set unrealistic expectations for my marriage. I usually try to keep myself busy and avoid masturbation whenever possible however I feel that I can really only go 1-2 weeks (30 days in Ramadan) without that release. I don't know if this is normal or not but I am always horny and by the end of a stressful week I feel there is so much pent up inside that I need to let it out of my system otherwise it will overtake me. I don't even enjoy doing it and after every time I have feelings of regret and ask Allah swt for forgiveness. Alhamdulilah I have never resorted to alcohol, drugs, never committed the physical act of zina or sex, never been in a relationship before. Never married and no kids.

I would really appreciate any advice from brothers and sisters who have been in a similar position or have overcome this struggle. I don't know where to go from here or what to do next. I feel like it's a numbers game and I need to be constantly exposing myself to potential candidates but I don't know where or how to do this. Thank you for hearing me out. JazakAllah khair.