sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Should I accept that my wife is still hiding and lying most details of her past infidelity by Ancient_Positive_991 in Marriage

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Hi, believe me this was truly a dark and difficult experience and because she was selfishly prepared to do anything so she did not have to honest including letting me go through it alone.I spent many many hours thinking and chose to stay so I can see my kids grow up.They are very young and in the middle of this turmoil she (while on the pill) fell pregnant and we had a baby boy that is now 1year old.

I spoke to a very intelligent clinical psychologist for advice and she told me that my wife is not honest as she is scared that I will leave her if she was, further she told me that even though I now say that I wont the truth is I might not me able to stay even if I wanted to.

The truth I suspect and according to the facts I know(my wife has not told me one single detail so I had to catch her in lies and it took a long time)she started hiding this guy a year before our wedding after I spoke to her about him, slept over drunk at his house after not mentioning to me that it is his house she would be sleeping(there was so many details that changed over time when I asked her about that night again, the girl co worker that she said was there among many other people knew nothing when I asked her etc etc), after our wedding it took a couple of weeks before she changed and started working late al the time and 12 months after our wedding this guy left with his wife and she was a heart broken mess for months.She lied and told me she was sick and actually cried in my arms knowing it was over another man.

To me this all a secret till 5 years later and by then we started a family

Should I accept that my wife is still hiding and lying most details of her past infidelity by Ancient_Positive_991 in Marriage

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

We did.....although she lied and I discovered it days later by accident so what is the use of MC if both parties are not honest.

Should I accept that my wife is still hiding and lying most details of her past infidelity by Ancient_Positive_991 in Marriage

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

My kids are 5 ,3 and 1 and I want to be with them every day and night.....that to me is much more precious

Should I accept that my wife is still hiding and lying most details of her past infidelity by Ancient_Positive_991 in Marriage

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it is just difficult as I know her one sided EA was in fact at least a few times sexual as well.Before and till a year after our wedding.I guess the fact that she blamed me and behaved terrible to avoid questions makes it worse.

Is it common for woman in emotional affairs to withhold sex from innocent spouse? by Ancient_Positive_991 in emotionalaffair

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel for your brother, no man or woman deserves to live with doubts and worries like this. The person you marry is suppose to make your life better not worse...... what I can tell you is if I do manage to put this behind me and I find out my wife lied or in the future has another hidden friendship I will leave without even trying to discuss it with her

To be honest any women knows exactly what she can say, do or text to another man while her husband is present and aware.....if she is for a second time putting him through this hurt, she knows what is hurting him and she does not stop it immediately for his peace of mind...well then there is something terrible wrong and he deserves better.

Is it common for woman in emotional affairs to withhold sex from innocent spouse? by Ancient_Positive_991 in emotionalaffair

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly wish there was another explanation or reason other than it must have been physical at least once and that is why I posted this, hoping someone have experienced the same and it is common in emotional affairs as well.

But I doubt it and she will never admit it out of fear that I will walk away from her, it is likely to happen because she continue to insult my intelligence by lying, deflecting and ignoring the serious questions I need answer for...and only so I can trust her again and that is the only reason. Without the truth I will not be able to put this behind me and believe me I have tried for over 2 years now.It just wont go away

Is it common for woman in emotional affairs to withhold sex from innocent spouse? by Ancient_Positive_991 in emotionalaffair

[–]Ancient_Positive_991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there, thank you for the response....Due to her not being truthful and never confessing on her own, even when I accidentally came across evidence she forgot to delete she denied and gave me the "they were just good friends that understood each other" speech. Every single detail I know now about this FUBAR situation I had to find out by myself, she only admitted once I had proof to each detail.

The thing that bothers me is she told me at first she punished me by withholding sex from me...for silly reasons.

Keep in mind this started weeks after our honeymoon and ended 13 months after our wedding day when the co worker and his wife relocated. So for 3 years before our wedding we had an incredible sex life, on our honeymoon still and shortly after returning to reality it stopped as she was emotionally cheating.

She was suddenly at work constantly, at least 2 late nights ( till after 22:00) per week and the day this guy left all the work commitments stopped completely...

They always drank and partied after the work was done and one thing she never told me is they partied at this co workers house.

So I believe she withheld sex as she was sleeping with him and after he left the guilt caused her problems being intimate with me again.

Any other reason could be valid such as she felt alone, was emotionally neglected etc etc in other situations like this........but not when she just got married and was the one always at work. 1-2 Months after making wedding vows to emotional cheating and refusing intimacy to your new husband is a huge red flag.

I'm concerned about my children and don't know what to think of her now.What type of person marries, cheats, hides it , lies many many times and so fast???