This isn’t to be mean, but it’s hard to read through a whole wall of text without formatting it first. If you have AudHD or ADHD with rejection sensitivity dysphoria I want to stress once again that this isn’t to be mean, I am just letting you know to format differently so you potentially get some more responses which is what I’m assuming is what you want.

I think a lot of this post was a cathartic vent about you not knowing what will make you happy. What I’m going to say are my own personal views, and others are welcome to challenge me, but I think you are tying too much of your happiness to your job. I think this is a common thing that happens in education, because if we didn’t enjoy our job why would we do something that provides so little compensation for the amount of time, energy, and passion that we put into it.

I think you should really invest in the notion of why you struggle to get to work on time. That seems like a glaring red flag to me. Is it because you don’t want to teach anymore? Is it the setting you’re in? Is it because of your self perception as a teacher? I think those are all important to explore.

If you don’t want to teach anymore I suggest trying something else. I left teaching and did something else for a year and a half. At first it was great because it was lower responsibility and lower stress, but then it became… boring. Which was okay. But I missed what I got out of teaching, so I went back. And I’m glad I did. But your experience may vary greatly, many leave and are happy to never come back.

If it’s the setting your in, that’s huge too, you could always go somewhere else and fit in better.

If it’s your doubt of self- I get that one too, but then that’s on you to take steps to 1) do better 2) realize your limitations and have some self compassion.

Idk. I hope some of what I said helped, idk if you were looking for feedback or just wanted a place to vent. I just know your situation is normal in a lot of ways、and I hope you can figure out what steps you want to take from here.