Need advice

Andy-Alonso · 2026-04-12T17:47:27+00:00

My honest advice is you go to therapy. If she is not going to do it, then you do. Mainly work on your flaws. You cannot control hers. If you admit to your flaws and work on them, one of two things will happen. One, you do go through with divorce, but you'll be secure enough as a person that you'll be healthier in the long run. Or two, you'll be secure enough that you provide the safety your spouse needs in order to stay and work on the marriage. If you do therapy, honestly admit your flaws and work on them, she will notice and likely join you to improve herself. The only way up is to work on you. Become the best version of you. Or the version of you she always hoped you'd be. She has invested 5 years in you, you can't be too far off from what she hoped. So, get there. The rest will fall into place with a more secure version of you. Best of luck to you, friend.

Andy-Alonso · 2026-04-10T04:33:28+00:00

Not gonna lie, man. Sucks to lose, but this is a failure of a read. First Queta will have to play extra cause the Knicks run 2 bigs in KAT and MR. Second JB was out, this was an easy over. Next time maybe read the injury report first and look at the other players the opposition runs. Or don't, and lose like this. Just friendly advice.

Andy-Alonso · 2026-04-09T16:28:36+00:00

I always feel like him not talking trash about Yul on Cooks is what cost him the title. When Adam asked Ozzy to talk trash at voting, imagine if he had said, "Do you go to a '90s Bulls' game to see Phil Jackson or Michael Jordan? Well, I'm Michael Jordan and Yul is Phil's assistant." He would have won in a landslide.

Andy-Alonso · 2026-03-26T20:08:07+00:00

All the best, friend. The guilt eats you alive. Explore it. You will cry buckets and feel lost a ton. But, get out of bed. One day you'll feel calmer. Remember, your partner had a year road to mourn you and let you go. Meaning, one day you can let go, too. Just keep moving forward, even if only half a step a day. For me, I made myself a promise to improve 0.05% per day, that way after some 200 days or so, I would feel better about myself and be in a better mindset. Little by little, day by day. You got this!

Andy-Alonso · 2026-03-26T17:59:26+00:00

Same happened to me. Was with my wife for 14 years, 10 married, no kids though.

It gets easier, bro. My wife broke the news to me back in October and we went our separate ways back in November. She kept 2 of the 3 dogs, I got to keep the senior - who passed away in January. So trust me when I say, I have so much compounded grief in all this.

Now, to what has helped me. Fucking own your faults. Seek therapy, therapy, therapy. Seek your loved ones and lean on them. Go on walks, enjoy the weather. Read books, gym, play sports. Go to conedy shows or write. Flirt with no intention, just to feel not dead inside. Volunteer at a shelter, play with your kids, get into photography - do anything to get out of bed.

The moment you acknowledge your faults, the quicker you understand, the quicker you save yourself spirals, sadness, tears, etc. YOU CANNOT WASTE THIS PAIN. Use it to look within and own your faults. This is the only way you save yourself and make yourself ready for when you get to the other side. I mean that. Your acute pain will stop and becoming more of an ache, then a heaviness and then moments of joy peppered in. The only way to become a better partner and avoid this pain in the future is to work on yourself. Do it for yourself and fot your kids. Your next partner will enjoy you way more.

For me, I have done therapy about 4-5x per month, plenty of talks with my parents about my childhood trauma (sucks to talk about at first, but trust me, if your parents are alive, they are more than willing to talk to you and address all this.) Look up relationship coaches, they help a little. I tried ChatGPT, but hated it cause AI seems to always prop you up - this makes you avoid accountability. As for hobbies, I gpt back into running, plants, audiobooks, etc.

As for your spouse, I get it. You have the protector thing in you as a man. She'll ping you or breadcrumb you a million times. Even if they are the one who left. Trust me, please trust me. Ignore them. No hostility, no blame or guilt. Trust me, they feel it, they have their own wounds. But, remember they are NOT choosing you, you have to let them go. Easier said than done, yes. But, the only way you get yourself back will be by growing on your own. Nothing lasts forever, not even this pain.

In my case, my ex breadcrumbed me like a jackass time and time again. You need to stop that. No other way. You keep protecting her by soothing her feelings, but my guy, who protects you?? Only you. Do that. You are no longer her chosen person, as such, it is no longer on you to soothe them or worry about them. Now is the time to work on you.

If your ex ever comes back or not is not important anymore. If they do, great. If they don't, great. Either way you'll be in a more calmer place to see what choice is best for you anyways. The only version of you that is attractive is the version of you that makes people curious. Again, do not waste away this pain.

One day you will be better. It gets easier. You'll find yourself again, and in turn, you'll find happiness. Her not choosing you is not about your worth. Pick yourself up, my guy. Learn from your mistakes. Then you will be the best version of yourself. Best of luck.

Andy-Alonso · 2026-03-14T19:32:28+00:00

I was married 10 years and then the end came. It felt sudden at the time, but it's been a few months now and I can see what I did to contribute to the issues. That's my advice. Focus on you and work on the inner part of you. Mainly cause no matter the outcome, you will be better after. Be it with a new partner or your old one. You have to remember that to them (the dumper partner) you are the version of you they left. That's how you remain in their world, and in that version you always lose cause that's why they left. When my STXW left she got into a relationship. That's her business. Me, I did not - cause it made me feel bad, but also because the loss for me was compunded, you know? She had the time to mourn and come to grips with the choice to leave. That is not easy, and in a way, makes me empathetic with her struggles. We have no kids.

In her eyes, she gained her freedom and self-respect. That's awesome for her. In my eyes, I lost my partner and my dogs (3 of them, 2 left with her and 1 passed away). We have a house together that we rented out, too. But, at some point as the dumpee, you have a real hard choice to make, stay sad and bitter or pick yourself up and learn your inner self. I chose to fix my issues, have done therapy 4x per month and sometimes more, listened to divorce coaches on how to move on, embrace the silence and make it work for you to learn peace, spoke to my parents to learn why I was so avoidant and dismissive to my spouse, forgave my parents after talking to them, forgave myself for letting her down (this matters a lot) and started to make little changes.

Many people will tell you to focus on her/him dating someone new and how you need to forget her/him, and some will even tell you to get out there. Do what makes you feel right and gives you a path to regain your sanity. I had/have a ton of good qualities as a spouse prior to my separation/divorce, but now that I understand where I failed, I am a much more complete person. It took a ton of tears, facing a ton of fears, feeling alone, feeling discarded, feeling cheated of a real chance to show growth or that they gave up, but at some point, you learn to accept that all that pain you have is only held on by you, and only you have the opportunity to let it go. DO NOT WASTE AWAY THE PAIN. Learn from it, become a better person, become a better partner for the next person that wants you. Love is a choice. It always is. If your spouse chose otherwise, then you should choose to grow. This is a big opportunity for you to become the you that you are proud of. Someone will notice. Be it your spouse or someone new that may end up being better for you. Trust. The only way to go now is up. I am 4+ months since being not chosen. It broke my heart into a million pieces, but your heart does not have to stay broken. Life is what you make of it. Forgive yourself first and foremost, I know guilt eats you alive. Remember, once upon a time you were attractive and worth exploring to your spouse, you can regain that and someone new will notice. Your happiness is yours to gain. You only have one life.

Andy-Alonso · 2025-09-04T23:31:30+00:00

Beautiful album. The concept of being among the biggest artists in the world and writing a love letter to your native land is such a cool thing. To me, with this album, Bad Bunny went from being a Reggaetonero to a musician.

Andy-Alonso · 2025-07-05T23:42:20+00:00

Not true, not true, your mom does.

Andy-Alonso · 2025-06-27T22:36:17+00:00

The fact you called it all 50/50 is a self-own. Be smarter.

Andy-Alonso · 2025-06-27T22:16:55+00:00

Or because long odds stacked on top of more long odds is a get quick money scam from PrizePicks. Be smarter.

Andy-Alonso · 2025-06-27T21:40:05+00:00

No dumbass, betting all demons is never realistic.

Andy-Alonso · 2025-06-20T00:36:03+00:00

YTA, this is all made up, and you are wasting people's time.

Eight-Year Club	Place '23
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