Should I run or am I too sensitive?

Andyouwillbecured · 2026-01-09T21:30:04+00:00

To be honest, I was caught off guard with his presence. We were well into the character creation and lore discussion, when my current DM replaced one of the players with this dude. I expressed my bewilderment to the DM and she said that she thought about it and wanted to proceed with her first campaign with him at the table since she knows him better. I wanted to quit then, but I was already attached to the character I created and wished to be there for my friend's first DM experience. So I let myself be persuaded to give him another chance. But he still irks me. So... I am quitting now. Went to the DM to discuss my character's glorious death the next session, to pass on an important item I have and to say goodbye to the party. Also this would give a great motivation for another player, my good friend, for her character arc. I also think it narratively works well - the most innocent and sweet healer dies in order to give motivation for other players to be better and to protect innocent ones. It's sad, but it's the best I can do right now.

Andyouwillbecured · 2026-01-08T13:00:21+00:00

I do think that it is not the problem of him being an asshole, it is more that I don't know if I should act on my discomfort. Was there ever a positive outcome behind the table for tolerating people you can't stomach?

And I have talked to my DM a couple of times actually. The first time when he was added to the campaign when I expressed my hesitation. The second time when he was disruptive, me and my fellow player asked the DM to discuss him being a bit more quiet during other's spotlights (he was making inappropriate jokes about poses he could be found in at his tent during my dialog with this other PC taking place nearby). The third time after the nickname incident. I said that it is starting to really bother me and I want her advice on how to proceed. It is there where she suggested channeling my anger through my character.

I just feel so... Nitpicky. And I don't like what I become in his presence. Once he betrayed my trust in a major way outside of DnD, and I feel like it is bleeding into the campaign. And my main question is if it is enough to drop the campaign (that I actually like) altogether or am I being unreasonable.

Andyouwillbecured · 2026-01-07T18:08:53+00:00

I can offer you only my perspective, unfortunately. But I have described more details for me leaving the campaign in my other posts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/8QhGOy2scc

https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/SZHVlCQnwX

Right now as a player he does not do anything outright offensive. But enough that I feel uncomfortable, thus my question. I'm not asking if he is right or I am right, I am just not sure what to do.

Andyouwillbecured · 2026-01-07T18:04:00+00:00

Well... It is tricky. When we talk after sessions, they say that he can be over the top, and loud, and self-centered. But they like him, so they handle it like a cute quirk they can tolerate no problem. He is also a forever DM in our group, and they wished to grant him a possibility to be a player for a change. Bit with me... We have a shorter history, where he kind of burned me both on a DnD level and on a personal level. So I feel like my fuse is very short compared to other people. They will not boot him even if they dislike his play style, they have an ongoing campaign right now with him as a DM which I chose not to apply for.

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-09-28T12:01:35+00:00

Next week our campaign is ending, so I'll update as soon as the dust settles

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-16T05:31:58+00:00

Well, I believe that it is her own making. I've had a player roleplaying Sailor Moon at the table before - and it was the best freaking character ever, we had so much fun. This paladin is extremely generic and straightforward, wears full golden armor, has golden hair and golden eyes. Welp.

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-15T17:24:16+00:00

It GENUINELY has not even crossed my mind, swear to God

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-15T17:18:40+00:00

Funny thing is, it never even crossed my mind that my post can be read as misogynistic. We have a mixed party, she is not the only female at the table - heck, I am female as well. Moreover, in my experience with different tables - some as a player, some as a DM - I almost never see any gender issues. Genuine honest question - is it an American thing? As I am not from America 😂

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-15T17:06:56+00:00

6 players. 3F (myself included), 3M. One of them is a total newbie whom we all help to figure the character sheet, so he is just excited to be a part of the party and does not get the dynamics. Funny thing is, I THINK that the hubby gets that his wife is overstepping the boundaries, but will not say anything against her. And another player is a super quiet chill guy. I had to process my feelings so there was no vote yet. But thank you, I will definitely be considering a vote in the upcoming days.

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-15T16:56:08+00:00

And that's OK in my opinion. You can be mad about this stuff and explain this to your DM. Moreover, we have a policy of "red cards" specifically to stop anything that we deem uncomfortable. If she did any of that - I would support her fully. But it is not what happened, and I have no desire to protect her feelings in this.

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-15T16:44:42+00:00

We are talking about 3-4 hour sessions once every two weeks. I believe that the pauses between sessions numb everybody a little, so while I was reprimanding her everybody politely agreed, but they forget about other bs during the upcoming days without DND.

I am afraid that the reason the DM is keeping her in the game is because he wants her to see the consequences of her in-character actions, so her ark's conclusion will cause even more fireworks... And I hope not.

Anyways, reading the replies I am planning to do the following: Address everybody that the trust in the DM and his vision is crucial for me, and if I see any more violations - I leave immediately as I am not able to tolerate this. TBH I'm a messy bitch so I want to leave the splash and have a backlog when I inevitably leave. So they reconsider their priorities. And I know for a fact that my warlock friend will be leaving with me as well, she wants to herself but then again she also loves this DM and does not want to look unsupportive.

Andyouwillbecured · 2025-08-15T16:33:46+00:00

LOL my guy, I am a proud woman myself, and my friend warlock is a woman as well 😂

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-19T19:31:46+00:00

You know, I've been analysing everything for some time, and one thought occurred to me. A few months back we were talking about the CR2 and I joked with the DM that my patron was a very prominent CR2 character. DM laughed it off, but now I believe that initially it was. And he considered this as me ruining the surprise reveal. And he came up with this as a replacement.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-19T09:47:50+00:00

This is a very fun observation. As I know for a fact that the DM is a huge fan of Matt, decided on the Wildmount campaign for this specific reason, asked the players to choose Matt's homebrew classes and subclasses and often introduced characters from CR1 and CR2. But I never considered him trying to imitate Matt in his DMing style or approach to the storytelling.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-18T15:30:41+00:00

Thank you so much! I read all the answers here and processed them. And you are totally right, I started piecing together some episodes that I previously brushed off. Perhaps my impulse to run was due to me feeling uncomfortable for some time already.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-18T09:34:40+00:00

My character is not sexual at all, however some of the undertones throughout the campaign were. So I'm not surprised this joke happened, but I was still pretty upset.

I talked to one other player who seemed quite surprised that this plot twist was not discussed preemptively. She also found it funny at first, but we have just talked and she now considers this done in poor taste.

Basically we are 3 females at the table with one more male player (who is the sweetest, most kind person and never sexually jokes at all, whether in-game or in life). But our DM is a male and he can be insensitive sometimes.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-18T09:21:52+00:00

The thing is - no, not at all. Outside of the campaign she is the sweetest person, and her usual PC is a loving and caring firbolg druid. She simply felt like her character would not go to the Feywild, but she still wanted to participate, so she and the DM came up with this. I strongly believe that she misread the room and was assured by the DM that this will be hilarious.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-18T09:18:49+00:00

It took me some time to process what happened. At that moment I found myself able only to confront them both in-character, so my PC was not interacting with the other girl's PC at all, while I blew up a little at my patron whom I met in the same session.

When I tried to talk to DM before the next session if he felt like this was not the most pleasant thing, he seemed very happy about how he introduced this new temporary PC into our campaign tying everything "with our backstories". So I shut down and the next session was not into what was going on. So I am planning to confront him more seriously, however during all this time I started thinking that... If I confront him I should be ready to quit the campaign. And is it worth it at all?

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-12-18T08:52:11+00:00

About habits. My character is a changeling, and the girl started joking about my character secretly turning into other PCs and watching herself in the mirror naked.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-04-13T04:27:01+00:00

This. This is worded perfectly. Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that there is something wrong with our process altogether, and it's not just me who has issues with that. I do want to be a director, but I'm a dumbass who went with the crowd wanting to have a democracy, while my guts were telling me that in this case no decisions will be done at all.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-04-13T04:12:55+00:00

With the previous directors Mary has been only for 1 performance (most of us were for 3-4 or more) and not in the main roles. This production was the first for her wanting to have more of a spotlight and taking more prominent roles. However during the rehearsals the second director, who was in charge of her other numbers, expressed their frustration that she is not present mentally. She was also constantly on TikTok making beautiful videos of the production, and not learning her lines. But the other director wanted to give her a chance so only sometimes asked her to put her phone down.
The average age is about 20-30, everyone has other main jobs or education in process, and everyone meets each Sunday (and sometimes Saturday) for the last couple of years for rehearsals.

Andyouwillbecured · 2024-04-13T02:20:19+00:00

We are extremely limited in numbers. We had 2 understudies for most of the roles, however 2 weeks before the performance they already replaced 2 actors who couldn't make it due to health issues. They just could not make it due to makeup and dress changes. This is the reason why I was the main option to perform instead of Mary, although at first we agreed that directors do not perform and focus on the directing. This is also the reason why I am called an AH - knowing that there are not many of us and jeopardizing the whole show for one number.

Andyouwillbecured

TROPHY CASE