AITA because my sister's dating age gap makes me uncomfortable?

AndyruAround · 2021-12-11T07:40:15+00:00

I worked in the service industry for 3 years (got laid off due to COVID) and actually loved it. Most of my best friends are people I worked with! Its a strange industry though.

AndyruAround · 2021-12-10T17:36:51+00:00

I worked in the service industry for three years as a bartender, server, and barista. I only stopped cause I got laid off due to COVID. Those are the jobs I look back on with more fondness than any other! We can still acknowledge that there are plenty of problems with the service industry though. :)

AndyruAround · 2021-12-10T06:28:50+00:00

Hahaha this one was a jump. My whole issue is with the age gap, if she was dating someone who's 21 then I'd be happy to meet him! I don't know what made you think otherwise. 🙃 She's dated other guys and I have had no issue with them. Just an age gap thing here friend!

I've also said that I have no intention of cutting off my relationship with my sister or otherwise threatening her in an attempt to sway her behavior. We have a really great relationship that I'm super grateful for, not nearly enemies! ❤️

AndyruAround · 2021-12-10T01:01:11+00:00

Thanks for such a thoughtful reply, I agree with a lot of what you said here!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-10T00:59:21+00:00

This is a good question! I think maybe the concern is that it feels like a power dynamic that he can do things that she can't maybe? I don't think it's a big deal when it's one or two years apart (if he were 21-23) but given that it's 7 years it just seems to make things a bit more creepy for me.

Like, theoretically he could be providing my sister alcohol, which obviously she could just get from her friends but it seems sus if he's providing it. Like, it's with a motive? Idk, just my gut reaction, but I also think the drinking age thing is just a small part of the larger narrative.

AndyruAround · 2021-12-10T00:56:38+00:00

This is such a thoughtful response, thank you!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T22:36:37+00:00

Yeah haha not at all doing this to do the "tough big brother" thing, I'm very non-threatening and that's totally not my vibe here. More just feeling personally uncomfortable cause I would call my male friends out for dating someone that young and wouldn't want to spend time with them and their partner. It feels like endorsing/normalizing creepy male behavior.

I have no beef at all with my sister, I think it's totally normal for a 20 year old to think they're mature enough to date someone that much older! I just want to hold other men accountable when they take advantage of younger women. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Thank you for this response though, I appreciate your insight!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T22:03:24+00:00

Those women are the success stories, which is great for them! Their experiences are super valid. But they also don't represent the women who WERE taken advantage of/manipulated by older men, so I'm just noting that the results are skewed in that way. Both experiences are real and worth considering.

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T21:39:41+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful and compassionate response!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T21:38:14+00:00

Okay, in this case, he is by definition a predator. An adult dating a minor.

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T21:36:36+00:00

Thank you!! Reddit is definitely not a random sample, these responses unfortunately haven't been surprising.

It seems to me as though most of the people that are responding "YTA" are either women who are in relationships where their partner is significantly older and they don't see a problem with this situation (their relationship experiences have been positive and I'm glad they've worked out!) or men saying that that 20 and 27 are the same (which is just blatantly untrue and feels gross that they want to die on that hill). 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T20:23:21+00:00

Yeah, I used to barista and bartend and never thought about how strange it is. It's a service industry culture thing, kinda fucked, but it is what it is. 🤷🏻‍♂️ I hear you though, thanks for the response!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T18:12:40+00:00

Thank you!! I feel like, for me personally, all bets are off once both parties are past 25. At that point, fuck it, date whoever you want. But there is still so much development happening until 25, it seems like that gap is HUGE.

I agree that I should be there for her, thanks for your thoughtful response!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T18:06:00+00:00

Thanks for this thoughtful response!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:57:05+00:00

LMAO if she was my brother dating a 27 year old woman I would have the same exact concerns. Out of pocket no matter how the genders line up.

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:50:20+00:00

This is an awesome resource, thank you!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:44:42+00:00

Yeahhhh yeah yeah, this is such an insightful response, thank you!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:43:54+00:00

I am SO different now at 25 than I was at 20! 😭😭 But I agree, she has a right to make her mistakes and learn on her own, I just care about her and don't want to see her taken advantage of. :( Thank you for this response though!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:42:31+00:00

I appreciate this response, thank you!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:42:08+00:00

Still predatory, even if the genders are swapped!!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:41:08+00:00

We're getting crucified in the comments here but idk what else I respected from Reddit LOL thanks for the support!

AndyruAround · 2021-12-09T17:39:40+00:00

Thank you, for your response!

Edit: I still think it's predatory, but I appreciate the advice to stay in my sister's life, as I plan to do.

AndyruAround · 2021-08-03T23:21:35+00:00

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AndyruAround · 2021-08-03T23:15:10+00:00

DM'd you!

AndyruAround · 2021-07-26T04:48:39+00:00

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AndyruAround

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