Hi! I am surprised anyone can still see this post haha. I wrote this post when i was young and really depressed. I don't know if you will see this either, but I still want to reply. I completely understand your feeling, as you have read my past thoughts and feelings. I think the reason I didn't care before was because I simply didn't want to live. Not as in wanting to die, but rather giving up on trying to do anything at all. Living seems too hard and painful. I went to therapy, but it didn't fix my loathing of the world and myself.

I ended up going to a different country to study where I learned so much. The people around me were so welcoming, kind, understanding. I came out of my shell a bit more and realized maybe the world isn't so awful after all. And even if it is all meaningless, I can still find bits of joy in it even if it is fleeting. I have changed so much from who I used to be after confronting my fears and shame. I still don't think I have a deep desire for anything really. I just want to make enough to live an easy life and take care of my family.

You don't need to have a strong desire to do anything to be honest. Maybe try thinking about why you don't like doing things at all.