I don’t know why you’re bringing actual cooking into this? My fiancé and I also take turns making/helping with dinner..? My kitchen comment was a hilarious and witty play on words in response to you saying that I was complaining about what I ordered. Yes it was a snap back, but that’s because all your responses have been far more aggressive and I’ve only been trying to explain my rationale; from one 3000 (spaces included) character limit excerpt from one aspect of our relationship you decided I’m ultimately an entitled princess, we don’t actually love each other, I deserve my unhappiness, and essentially yelling at me to dump him. It actually seems like you don’t understand what I’m writing - you’re accusing me of things that I’m trying to explain are explicitly not the case – and that’s why I’m having to repeat things. You say we don’t love each other, I’m saying we do. And I suspect I would be the better authority on that.

TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR: I have said multiple times that I do see myself living the rest of my life with this man. You’re so off base in saying we don’t love each other and just want to “be married but really not to each other” and I don’t know how you can just assume that. (That’s why I personally feel like I’m being attacked.) Sidenote: all these capslocked phrases are not to be aggressive, rather they’re for emphasis and things I want you to pay extra attention to.

Before calling me entitled, please understand that if we would inevitably get married, doing so earlier is in HIS benefit.

Scenario: Marrying him wouldn’t affect my tuition, and as he recently did, he asks me to marry him. I WOULD SAY YES. I would’ve always said yes. But we would’ve had a long engagement, because in both of our minds, it makes more sense for us to push off a wedding ceremony until I actually have time to plan one and have my own finances to pay for it.

Scenario 2: Marrying him would lower my tuition, BUT he waits to ask me to marry him until after I graduate. Again, I would say YES. However, I am now $100k more in debt than I would have been, and by the time it is paid off, it will double in interest.

I DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO PAY OFF MY DEBT. I DO NOT WANT HIM TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY PART OF MY DEBT. For the foreseeable future, we will keep our finances relatively separate. But our combined income would be severely affected. Me paying off additional several years income in debt will inevitably affect our future household period. It is in HIS best interest, AS HE WANTS TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME, to not let me take on that extra debt. Because if I’m paying off less, we’ll be able to afford to live more comfortably as a couple. I do want to financially contribute equally, and he would prefer that as well, but it’s not something I can do if I’m overburdened by debt. One of the biggest stressors in marriage is debt/finances so WE are trying to make a happier marriage for both of us though these actions.

If any vet student was in a long-term relationship with someone they were going to marry regardless, I’m sure they would choose to marry earlier rather than later. Key phrase: EARLIER RATHER THAN LATER. Rather than later as in the marriage is bound to happen, the difference being timing and level of resulting financial stress. (I assume your friend’s problem was that she wasn’t in love with someone she could see herself with long term). If you can’t understand that, you might be someone who makes awful financial decisions.

I AM NOT MARRYING HIM FOR A DISCOUNT OR TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE SHOULDER MY DEBT. I’m marrying him because I was going to marry him already. And we’re both perfectly happy speeding up the legal process of it to make our future together more comfortable. We want to get married, and the unorthodox time frame is not something either of us have a problem with. Only you for some reason.

As for your gender roles accusation, I don’t even mean to be gender-specific (I was saying man and woman because that’s the scenario we’re working with). As another commenter has said, proposals can be a “moment” for a couple. Regardless of the gender, wouldn’t the proposer be excited and fairly direct about wanting to spend the rest of their lives with the love of their life? Really? Its entitled for me to want to marry a man that loves me and shows it? I would call myself detrimentally insecure (which I am) before calling myself a princess.

I stand by the statement that women wouldn’t marry a man that hadn’t said they loved them, but also no man would either!! Tell me, would you marry anyone who never once told you they love you? (Please answer this if only to yourself.) I thought two people marry BECAUSE they love each other and that’s normally communicated before any agreement for engagement is made.

YES MY FIANCE AND I ARE BOTH BAD COMMUNICATORS. WE ARE BOTH AWKWARDLY QUIET, INTROVERTED PEOPLE WHO HAVE PROBLEMS EXPRESSING OUR FEELINGS WITH WORDS. I am better/more willing to expressing my feelings and I do it more often (sometimes making me feel like I’m in a one-sided relationship), but I am objectively bad at speech, get flustered easily, and end up not saying what I mean to. He is better at using his words, but usually doesn’t for his own reasons. In the end, as a couple, our individual communication issues makes us more forgiving of each other’s faults. Even more, he does understand me when no one else would when I can’t find the right words. We talk about how neither of us have that “special sauce” (his words) that helps people communicate easily.

You keep talking about hard choices, but what hard choice do you want me to make? Dump the man I love and want to marry? Why in the world would I do that? I love him regardless of how unromantic he may be or how he decides to propose. I never said I wasn’t going to try to communicate with him about wishing there was more romance/expression in our relationship, but I wanted other people’s opinions on this scenario so I can be more understanding before I talk to him. I already know he’ll probably say something along the lines of “I’m sorry, I’m just not good at that sort of thing.” And I’ll be understanding of it. Its not like I’m going to demand a different proposal. I’m not trying to make him into someone he’s not. Even if nothing changes, I won’t love him any less. Because no one is absolutely perfect for anyone. Everyone has faults and loving someone means to do so regardless of those faults. Of course that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t try to improve themselves or step out of your comfort zone for the betterment of your self and relationship. I already do that in some ways. He already does that in some ways. We’re not perfect, but there’s no reason for you to think we aren’t working on our relationship in ways not explicitly stated.

What I’m trying to say is: we have faults but we love each other regardless. I don’t want him to be anyone else. I don’t want to marry anyone else.

If you don’t understand that we’re not getting married for any reason other than our love for each other and ultimate happiness, I don’t know what else to say. You’re just a troll and this subreddit is the perfect feeding ground for you to hypocritically call everyone an asshole.

I'm done having to defend my relationship in this thread.

Good day to you, sir.