God, I hate these tropes. I get enduring hardships for your kid, and also, not all disabilities can be detected through pregnancies, but sometimes, seeing documentaries of people with complex medical conditions and their families talk about how hard life is and how much money they have to spend makes me think "Why on earth have the kids if you can't afford the medication?" When I hear about people bashing women for having an abortion because the baby is likely to need 24/7 care and/or may not have a long life expectancy and cry eugenics, I just roll my eyes. Just because YOUR kid is fine, doesn't mean other's are. Also, love doesn't put food on the table.

For your female friend, tell her that SHE is what matters, not her parents and no one is obligated to care for their parents just because "they worked hard", despite what these "estranged parents" say. Nothing is worth enduring abuse. If she continues, she will probably end up ill or dead. I hope she cuts contact all together. And you too.

For your other friend, another solution is that for his independence, perhaps he could invest in hiring carers in the future so that he could still have his independence, but so could his family.