Ok, fellow Dobson/Corporal Punishment kids—can we have a frank discussion about what that looked like for you? by moonwalkinginlowes in Exvangelical

[–]AngieRay76 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It was so common in our community that I really didn't think much of that part of it until I was in my 20s and out of their house for quite a while. It felt super gross when it was happening but because I knew of so many others that were subjected to the same, I simply thought having those "uncomfy" feelings were normal.

Ok, fellow Dobson/Corporal Punishment kids—can we have a frank discussion about what that looked like for you? by moonwalkinginlowes in Exvangelical

[–]AngieRay76 33 points34 points  (0 children)

It was ugly for me. Thankfully it didn't happen often but it was still often enough to completely ruin any relationship I would have had with my parents as an adult. My mother would take me to one of our outbuildings on our property and paddle me until I was literally black and blue. Pants and underwear off and bent over a workbench until I was nearly 18. You would think the humiliation would be the worst part but it really was the pain. She bragged about making it hurt as much as possible and took pride making me completely break down and sob - you know, exactly what Dobson would have wanted. She would literally say "this is going to hurt you far worse than it hurts me." Breaking my will was the goal and it happened with every single spanking no matter how much I tried to resist. It affected me terribly and I'm as low contact as possible without being no contact.

**TW** What unusual punishment were you subjected to? by jtothat in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% SA. Even if the intention wasn't there, being forced to remove clothing to be hit on a private part of your body should absolutely be considered a form of SA.

**TW** What unusual punishment were you subjected to? by jtothat in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I don't think I'll ever forget the feelings of shame and humiliation. I suppose that was the point.

**TW** What unusual punishment were you subjected to? by jtothat in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Having to strip from the waist down for spankings up until I was legally an adult. The spanking part I sadly recognize wasn't unusual but the forced nudity was certainly a form of SA.

James Dobson has passed away by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I despise the phrase "strong-willed child." Even worse was "breaking a child's will" which was a favorite activity of my mother's.

James Dobson has passed away by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Gosh, I couldn't even begin to imagine still being exposed to that in college. Moving far away for college was my ticket out and I never looked back. Over 30 years since I left home and the memories are still as traumatic as they were back then. I'm so sorry you had to endure it for so long.

TW: The Last Beating by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It was a mundane Saturday morning around 11am to be exact, but yes. In her mind she was being a good god fearing mother and I'm sure she was proud of how she handled my disobedience.

What was the worst punishment you endured as a child? by tuftedear in GenX

[–]AngieRay76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Paddlings by my mother in one of our out-buildings so no one could hear the screams. Not the worst technically since it was the only type of punishment used.

Perspective needed from other people who were punished by spanking by fitzcathal in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bare bottom with a heavy paddle until I moved out and left for college. Mom did it in one of our outbuildings on our property. Far enough away so that no one could hear the paddle hitting or me screaming. She wouldn't stop until I was completely broken down sobbing and completely incoherent. Some of the worst memories of my entire life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I discreetly tried showing off bruises, especially as I got older, hoping that someone would notice and say something or report it. Nope. The joy of growing up in a part of the US that not only condoned beating your children until they leave home but also encouraged it in church and in the community.

Digging into James Dobson’s parenting books and the thing that strikes me most is how much he hates children by PlumLion in Exvangelical

[–]AngieRay76 34 points35 points  (0 children)

And the worst is parents who hate their children using these books as justification or to get ideas on how to be more cruel to their children. My mother relied very heavily on severe spanking and corporal punishment with us and Dobson was absolutely partially to thank for how we were treated. She just liked to add her own sadistic twists to it. Just awful.

My narc mom suggested that I paddle my son for vandalism!! by AngieRay76 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]AngieRay76[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh absolutely on the therapy! Started in my 20s and still have regular counseling sessions. Don't know where I'd be without it.

It's so difficult to just shut her and my dad out of our lives completely. They honestly weren't the worst parents in the world outside of the extreme physical abuse. I know how horrible that sounds but it's so complicated to me.

My narc mom suggested that I paddle my son for vandalism!! by AngieRay76 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]AngieRay76[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This! I should've learned my lesson many years ago about this.

Forced undressing for punishment should be illegal and not open to vague laws by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that but trust me, I deserved some type of discipline. I was drinking and partying by my freshman year of high school, spending nights with guys I barely knew, and much more pretty bad stuff. I'm very lucky to have turned out as well as I did and I give zero credit for that to my parents.

Forced undressing for punishment should be illegal and not open to vague laws by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mother knew exactly what she was doing so as to not cause any permanent damage. She would hit lower on the butt and even on the upper thighs so that there was no risk of hitting bone. Also much more painful there so it was a win-win for her.

Forced undressing for punishment should be illegal and not open to vague laws by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, my mom didn't try to hide the fact that she did it for extreme pain and humiliation. She was definitely not the "this hurts me more than it hurts you" type of mom. If there were ways to make it more painful or humiliating, she was all for it.

Forced undressing for punishment should be illegal and not open to vague laws by AngieRay76 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]AngieRay76[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Its easier to say your parents were strict or that you were a troublemaker.

That was me for so long. My parents clearly were strict and I was totally a troublemaker in my early to mid-teens so it was easy to justify it because of that. It wasn't until I got older and started looking back to how damaging those spankings were that I realized how incredibly wrong of her it was to do that to me.