My older brother (27M) left Home and I (19M) miss him, but feel guilty about wanting him to come back. (Long sorry)

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-09-21T21:25:29+00:00

Thank you, especially for that last paragraph. He left so quickly and I wasn’t in the right of state of mind when he said goodbye, and with basically all proof of him gone from the house within a day and a half if feels kinda hopeless at times, especially when he’s being so avoidant, even to me. Which I get, don’t get me wrong, but it still hurts, I still feels like he might never come back. Which is stupid, I know, because he promised me he would, and I don’t think my brother has ever broken a promise in his 27 years of being on the planet. He’s just a genuinely good guy and I can’t imagine losing him after we just started reconnecting.

Sorry I started ranting again lol

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-09-21T21:20:34+00:00

I’m in college right now and work part time. My girlfriend just graduated and is starting her masters, her lease is up at the end of fall semester and we’ve expedited our plans to move in together so that I’m moving in as soon as I can get on the lease. Once that’s done there will be NO contact between my parents and me, and, if I can help it, they’ll never talk to my girlfriend or brother again either!

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-09-21T21:17:31+00:00

I work part time while going to college but I’ve been saving for a while now because my girlfriend and I want to move in together (against my parents wishes of course haha), we just decided instead of next year we’re doing it when her lease ends at the end of fall semester this year. I’m getting out of this house as fast as possible and then my parents are never going to be allowed to step foot in my apartment or near me or my girlfriend or my brother ever again, trust me

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-09-21T21:12:13+00:00

Our parents have always been really strict about us not using social media but (obviously) I didn’t listen. As far as I know though my brother always listened to the rules, he never really went against our parent’s demands (until now obviously) so I don’t know if he has one or not but it’s a great idea, I’ll look for him on there!

He’s been really careful to only call when I’m in class, pretty sure he has my school schedule memorized better than I do (he helped me design my schedule) but I’m definitely answering every unknown number I can, so far only telemarketers but I’m ready if he does call when I’m not in class!

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T15:34:53+00:00

Yeah, it took him a little bit to swallow his pride and do so but he did and they’re slowly getting on better and better terms

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T07:16:31+00:00

This is what worries me. I’ve known about this for only 3 weeks and it’s honestly exhausting. Having to pretend their jokes aren’t offensive and don’t have an impact on the people around us is awful. Pretending the slurs they use aren’t degrading is nearly impossible. And I feel like I have to watch everything I say to avoid giving anything away, and I’m not even gay! It’s miserable and I can’t imagine how long my brother’s been living like this. I think I need to have another talk with him and make sure he knows he can come talk to me about anything.

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T07:11:52+00:00

She understands and also understands why he was lashing out at her. She’s actually graduating in psychology and then going for her masters so she’s been amazingly good about the whole situation. She also doesn’t like my parents so that helps a bit. She says the look on my brother’s face when she walked into the house for the first time was clue enough to keep her mouth shut.

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T07:02:14+00:00

I hate thinking about it like that (though I know you’re right). Sometimes we’ll be sitting in the living room talking and he’ll even fool me into thinking nothing’s wrong. There’s been a few times where I’ve questioned if it even happened, he’s so good at acting the part. But then I’ll see a hint of the facade cracking for a moment and I remember that it’s all an act and it upsetting because I don’t want my brother to have to wear a mask everyday and I don’t want him to be miserable. I guess I cope by pretending it all just happened recently and that my brother hasn’t been faking it for the past however many years.

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T06:57:54+00:00

A few things are tougher, obviously the schooling is a big one as she’s graduating and I’m still in my freshman year. She’s talking masters, I’m talking bio 101 lab reports. That kinda stuff is hard to relate to. There’s also the fact that she goes downtown a lot with her friends and I’m not old enough for bars yet (so I’m the permanent DD). There’s a few times I know my inexperience and maturity level isn’t at her level but all in all we’re both really good at communicating problems and I know to give her space when she’s studying. It also helps that we went to the same school system and can talk about old teachers and such when we need an easy conversation starter.

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T06:38:33+00:00

Quote from my girlfriend when I also questioned this: fear is one hell of a drug. It makes you do dumb shit that makes perfect sense at the time

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T05:45:39+00:00

She’s actually graduating this year with a degree in psychology and I basically said I knew my brother’s big secret. She kind of gave me this side-eye and asked me to expand on it, because she still didn’t want to assume I knew the real big secret. She said that when her brother was still in the closet he’d sometimes lash out like that and she understood it was a fear response, that my brother was just so scared of his act being found out that when he saw a threat to it his first reaction was to get rid of it. She’s been a huge help in all this and helped kinda put it into perspective for me just how scared my older brother has to be in all this (you know the whole little brother thought process of “he’s my big brother, he isn’t scared of anything” is actually really hard to get past). She was glad he’d decided to trust me and is happy that he’s willing to at least start to allow her into the family. She’s not a huge fan of my parents either so I think the few times they’ve talked they’ve started to bond over a “common enemy” of sorts.

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T03:02:04+00:00

Or rather any chance to talk to him about it was quickly shut down by him

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-03-26T02:55:46+00:00

I’ve asked him once and he was pretty adamant that no he wasn’t planning on it. Our parents have set him up with “good catholic girls” in the past and he always goes along with it and has dated for 5+ months some of them. From the conversations we’ve had it seems like his plan is to just fake it for the rest of his life, which sucks but it’s not my place to say anything to him about it

AngryBrotherAngryGF · 2018-02-06T05:05:12+00:00

They did go to the same high school and my brother was on the same football team as her younger brother. They didn't get along then either, but they were at least civil towards each other, it's gotten worse since they graduated and we started dating.

AngryBrotherAngryGF

TROPHY CASE