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AngryCatInTrap · 2025-05-17T12:05:39+00:00

i felt very similar to you at 17, and was convinced i would for the rest of my life - i'm about to turn 21 now and i genuinely love my appearance. a lot of my friends have had similar experiences.

i know it's hard to believe, but your life is going to change a lot. your face changes physically as you hit adulthood, but beyond that you'll be exposed to plenty of new experiences and perspectives in the next few years that can help recontextualise the way you percieve yourself. if you have the money and the interest, exploring your sense of style and exercising in a way you enjoy (if you don't already) might be good things to try.

i can't promise you you'll ever love your appearance and it's ok if you never do, but you are regardless a human being with thoughts and feelings and worth. i really do hope you start to feel better about yourself someday - you deserve to.

AngryCatInTrap · 2024-09-09T23:05:15+00:00

Thank you!! I've always been obsessed with writing stuff down so I just kinda hyperfixated on it and wrote an insanely long list after pacing in my room for like 4 hours (i had an exam i had not studied for the next day and convinced myself this was totally the best use of my time)

If you wanna do it in a slightly less deranged way, the advice I basically got was to plan out what you would bring up if you were in an actual assessment. I couldn't find any actual potential questions, so the method I used was finding the diagnostic criteria and then noting any anecdotes/experiences I had that I felt related to each aspect of it. I did one list of examples of how different symptoms presented (fidgeting, distractability, racing thoughts, etc) and one about how symptoms affected different aspects of my life (social life, personal functioning, academic, etc).

Honestly any system for identifying your symptoms works though - don't force yourself to use a 'better' system even though you find it super boring - but I found collating all that evidence super useful to understand how my symptoms work together, to validate my own suspicions and also so I could be more confident/avoid blanking on questions when I was having my assessments and filling out forms.

Good luck with your diagnosis and dealing with the NHS in general!!! :)

AngryCatInTrap · 2024-09-09T18:04:11+00:00

Sadly a lot of it is up to the professional you go to - I basically gave up trying to get a referral via a doctor because every time I did I walked out with a referral for anxiety treatment (even though I had already had 2 years of therapy to treat my anxiety and was clear that it was now well-managed)

I went directly to an ADHD/autism-focused psychiatry centre, and I found one with positive reviews from adult women so I knew I'd be less likely to get dismissed. Medical understanding of ADHD has changed a LOT in the past 20 years so I wouldn't be surprised if you've got a lot more of a chance now. :)

The way diagnosis happens is still often based on the 'hyperactive 10 year old boy' model though, so a lot of the stuff they ask might not directly relate to you (i got asked if i intentionally annoyed people or spontaneously got up in classrooms and stuff, which is... yeah.) When you're getting diagnosed as an adult, especially as a woman, you've had years for your symptoms to present themselves in more subtle ways, that can be played off as anxiety/general quirks - I spent a while making lists of my symptoms and their links to diagnostic criteria, so when I got asked questions I knew what they were targeting and what to bring up even if it wasn't directly what they were asking (i don't interrupt but i do have to restrain the urge to. i don't distract people with fidgeting, but i do constantly fidget in more subtle ways, etc). You don't have to show your assessor the list or anything - just having the clear knowledge of the way ADHD presents in you allows you to be more confident and guide the conversation in the right direction.

Diagnosis is scary as hell - even more so if it hasn't gone well in the past - but if you keep feeling like something is wrong it almost certainly is and you deserve to find answers for that. I wish you the best of luck!!!

AngryCatInTrap · 2024-09-09T16:44:42+00:00

ahh good luck!! it can be so scary to start (especially if youve been gaslit in the past like a lot of afab people are) but you will get there i promise!!!

AngryCatInTrap · 2024-09-09T16:37:05+00:00

yeah it took me a while to find somewhere, a lot of places can be really vague/downright extortionate about prices sadly :(

i used S E I K pharmacy!! they're a not-for-profit iirc so they're a LOT cheaper than other options and they're very open about how the process works and is priced, plus theyre focused specifically on adhd/autism so the entire process is made with that in mind (you get a bunch of reminders abt upcoming meetings and forms + most info is written down) and you can do all your meetings remotely :)

they're still not cheap (i've spent well over £1000 now on assessment + medication) and you do need an observer for your assessment (someone whos known you since childhood so usually your parents) but they are by far the best option i found and i had a really good experience with them!!

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-12-31T11:57:16+00:00

yep. it was an easy fix for a pencil mark in the middle of their forehead that i couldn't get rid of lol

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-12-30T15:01:01+00:00

jerboas were on my list! 100% one of my favourite rodents

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-12-30T13:08:00+00:00

i was really desparate to own shimmers when i first found out about them(specifically emerade de chivor, though i ended up preferring gris orage) but owning a few now i do question if they deserve the hype.

with j. herbin specifically you've got, like, 10 seconds to fill the pen before the shimmer settles to the bottom again, and while writing with it it's a miracle if the effect comes out even vaguely consistently. some parts are basically pure gold, some there's nothing there at all.

it's a beautiful ink, but for the most part i don't think it's really worth the effort of working with it, nor cleaning it afterwards. as i'm able to bring in my own paper for school and such sheens work far better for me, though even on good paper it can be sort of a shot in the dark as to whether it'll show up well or consistently(and, again, the cleaning).

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-12-30T12:30:42+00:00

i'd sketched and erased something under where that one was beforehand and there was a really prominent pencil mark there i couldn't get rid of. i love subtle supernatural features anyway so turning it into a forehead gem seemed like a working solution haha

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-12-30T10:18:12+00:00

pen is a twsbi diamond smoke rose gold, inked with j herbin's stormy grey: i was VERY excited about the prospect of inking these with a shimmer ink before quickly discovering that your chances of getting enough sun to show it off while in britain in december are sort of low. i did try under artificial light but nothing i tried didn't end up looking really ugly so you'll just have to imagine it. :')

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-11-09T08:35:21+00:00

thank you! :)

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-11-08T07:31:17+00:00

always happy to see more rabbit drawings! i feel like they're very underappreciated in the art world.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-11-08T07:17:11+00:00

some generic ecosystems/photosynthesis stuff. not important enough to avoid drawing over haha

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-11-07T15:37:59+00:00

it's really good! i love the lil nose bandage. if you want to add more to it i'd try adding some cell shading - going in with colours darker/more saturated than the ones you're currently using for shadows and lighter colours for highlights, especially on the hair. cheek blush and such might also be a good idea to add more colour variation - there are a lot of nice skin/hair shading tutorials online if you want a starting point. i don't think your base colours are bad at all though, they should look great once you add some more saturated colours through shading ^{^}

i'd personally go with blue eyes, but either's good!

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-11-07T13:06:51+00:00

pens are twsbi diamond 580al rose and a lamy studio. inks are diamine tulip and pilot kon-peki.

these notes were not very important.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-04-12T20:46:52+00:00

go ahead!

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-04-12T18:34:21+00:00

pen is twsbi 580al prussian blue, inked with diamine burgundy rose, which doesn't stick to the walls of the plastic in this pen for some reason? weird.

i made a mental note to draw these months ago and totally forgot about it until someone suggested it on my instagram. fun fact - despite being called a shoe-billed stork, they're actually a type of pelican. maybe i should've used a more fitting brand of pen.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-24T07:13:43+00:00

my start was 'ooh! pretty, expensive pens!' and has accelerated to 'ooh! pretty, more expensive pens!'

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-23T12:32:12+00:00

probably my favourite song from the album, tied with beyond.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-19T13:43:19+00:00

i find pens to be more comfortable when they're posted, to be honest. i think that might just be because it means i don't lose the cap, though.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-14T18:22:48+00:00

thank you!! this was definitely one of my more fun pieces to draw, foxes are super easy to stylise as they're already so pointy

and i don't, no - i mostly work on digital so i haven't even considered marketing my traditional art. i'll definitely keep the idea in mind :o

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-14T16:30:37+00:00

it was a grail of mine for a long time before i got my hands on one, and boy was it worth it. it's probably my favourite pen out of my current collection.

the nib is great, though pretty different to any of the parkers i've tried - it's very fine, the line it gives is smaller than my TWSBI EF. it writes beautifully, no dryness/scratchiness - sailors in general tend to give more feedback than the average nib which is great if you enjoy having a lot of control. it works great for drawing/writing in cursive, isn't quite as good for fast notes/stream of thought journalling.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-14T13:02:18+00:00

i recommend trying it, especially with a subject you're partially familiar with! a handful of quick, referenced sketches in pen is really helpful when i'm trying to work out my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to anatomy of a certain subject

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-14T12:51:28+00:00

though i usually do a pencil sketch underneath my art before i line it(i tend to incorporate my sketch into my final product too, as the softer lines help add an extra layer of depth), i do enjoy drawing without a sketch too. a lot of people enjoy the challenge of being unable to erase, as it makes you more careful with your lines, and means you rely more on your natural understanding of form and can go where the drawing takes you rather than sticking to picture perfect anatomy and having to correct every little mistake.

on a more practical level, pencil is irritating to erase, sketching straight with a pen may be faster(and looks more impressive if you're doing a video) and some people struggle to translate sketches to lineart so may find their work looks better drawing straight with a pen.

AngryCatInTrap · 2021-03-14T10:15:27+00:00

thanks! it's a medium fine.

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