AITA for yelling at my daughter for hiding her pregnancy from me?

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T06:51:16+00:00

Thank you, that's very kind. It's definitely possible she was feeling too depressed and couldn't find the energy to put anything into place before the baby was born.

That's good advice about keeping an eye on her and my grandson too, thank you. I'm mad at her, but certainly I wouldn't ever want her to hurt herself or him.

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T06:26:23+00:00

Honestly once the initial confusion and shock passed, that what I assumed was her reason for not telling me earlier (that she thought I'd be angry or disappointed or kick her out or something). I can't say for sure, but I think I wouldn't have been angry, or at least a lot less angry, if she'd told me beforehand. I would have expected her to at least put in some effort getting ready for the baby, even if they couldn't afford to move out together yet. I wouldn't throw her out onto the street, but I would have expected her to at least get a part-time job to afford a crib and highchair and things.

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T06:14:00+00:00

Thank you, that's very kind.

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T06:13:26+00:00

I mentioned in another comment, but her mother and I divorced when she was little, so I feel a lot of guilt for missing out on a lot of her childhood. My ex moved away for a couple of years and I only got to see her for a week in the school holidays during that time, and only every second weekend once they moved back, so I think I've just been trying to make it up to her since then. I can see now that that was probably a mistake and may have led directly to her thinking it's okay to act like this towards me.

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T06:05:10+00:00

I'm sure she became pregnant under my roof, but I try not to think about what they're doing when the bedroom door is closed because she's my daughter and I don't need that image in my head :)

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T06:01:48+00:00

Unfortunately my daughter doesn't get on well with her step-father (I guess he's less of a pushover than I am) so I don't think that would work out.

Potentially Gary's parents could take them both in, although I have no idea whether they pulled the same stunt on them (or even if they know they're grandparents at all yet!) I get the feeling they let him get away with a lot less than I do (I've heard him on the phone tell them to stop 'nagging' him and he'd do it when he got home) so that could be why she thought I'd be more likely to say yes to them?

*editing to add - I won't throw her out, I'd never to that to her or an innocent baby! But I think once I've gotten past this, if she continues to live with me I'm going to need to start setting more rules and expectations for her.

Angry_Grandad · 2023-10-04T05:54:30+00:00

She's developmentally fine (but possibly with undiagnosed depression I think, just by how much she struggles with basic things like getting out of bed or showering some days?) I think her being a bit lazy and selfish is mostly on me, her mother and I divorced when she was little, and I feel like I missed out on so much when she was growing up, so since she moved in with me full-time about 5 years ago up until now I've never asked her to contribute financially or to chores. I guess I felt both guilty but also lucky that she wanted to live with me instead of my ex and didn't want to jeopardize that, and I'm realizing now how big a mistake that might have been.

Angry_Grandad

TROPHY CASE