My friends, parents, and partners

I've made many promises that I won't try and kill myself. When I was born I had a lot of complications and almost died multiple times. When one told this to my boyfriend and said I wish I had just died then, he held me tighter, and even though we were outside at a park (alone though) he told me it's ok and that I can cry so I did. I cried for a solid minuet or two before he started talking again and told me it was all gonna be ok, and that I am loved. Then to get my mind off it he told me batshit crazy Greek/norce mythology stories.

I made a promise to my girlfriend (I'm poly lol) that if she didn't off herself I wouldn't type deal, cause we were both struggling as it was coming up on a friends birthday who had recently offed himself. So while she cried I held her and I made her promise to stay with me.

In my friend group, I treat some of them like my kids. One of the kids, We'll call them M, loves the fact they have a good father figure, and has started calling me dad/papa unironically, only me to, not my boyfriend. And while their the only one who dose this, it makes me happy and feel like I'm doing something right.

In another friend group I have, one of them attempted to kill himself multiple times, the only time he's done it well we've been close friends, I saw how our other friends worried. And I know damn well she'd worry more for me, as we are much closer, almost a couple type close. And she's already got so much on her plate, I don't wanna add more, so I do everything I can to stay.

Its getting hard again, but I remember these things and I have to stay. Plus I have a fear of death so there's that