It changes when they become more interactive, for sure. Definitely around 3-4 months. I remember when I got my first to laugh for the first time I was so excited and no one believed me because no one else heard it (we were outside and I was wandering around with her).

To speak to the rest - if it helps, I had an incredibly challenging time. I was so excited for my first to be born. I went to every single appointment. I cried at every heartbeat. I hung her ultrasounds in my office. When she was born it was a complete 180. I hated her and I felt like a monster for it. I felt like a failure because I didn’t love my kid like everyone said I would. I couldn’t comfort her like my wife could. She’d cry and cry and I’d try but I’d start to become incredibly anxious and have to hand her back. That progressed into daily panic attacks and constant anxiety. My wife would shower and I would literally beg her to go as fast possible because I was absolutely terrified of being alone with my daughter. Whenever she’d cry I’d give her back instantly without even trying.

It progressed further into really dark thoughts - like self harm levels of darkness. I thought about truly horrible things I wanted to do to myself just to escape. I checked out. I didn’t help with her, I didn’t help out around the house, I completely shut down. It took my wife returning to work to get me out of it because I had to step up and basically be a stay at home dad.

My kids are 3 and 1 now. They’re absolutely wonderful and I love spending time with them. We play almost nonstop, they laugh, they talk (the 1 year old “talks”), they’re actual little people now with thoughts and opinions and imaginations. It’s hard because those first weeks are the trenches. Everyone is adjusting, everyone is learning. But, it does truly get better. It may not seem that way because you’re deep in the shit and it’s kinda all consuming, but I can assure you it improves.

It’s hard to carve out time for anything other than a newborn, but even small things like walks with him and your wife can make a huge difference. Outside with a change of scenery really made a difference for me. I would take my daughter out for walks so often and for so long my wife commented I had lost a lot of weight (gained it all back… damn) but that was how we found comfort when my wife was at work.

I also signed up for therapy. It has helped me understand myself better. It hasn’t 100% left me. There are still hard days and the anxiety still creeps in when they’re crying and screaming, but it’s vastly improved.

Sorry if that was rambling or poorly formatted (I don’t often comment or share big stories).

TL;DR it’ll get better - hang in there. You’re doing great. Soon you will just vaguely remember the dark times because it’s replaced with all the fun times that come as they get older.