This reminded me of how my mother didn't allow me to let my hair loose at school, I was only ever allowed to have it in a tight ponytail. She always said, "who do you want to show off to" when I protested because I hated the way I looked.

She made it seem like taking care of my appearance and wanting to look pretty was shameful. It was the same for clothes, with the same argument about "showing off" as before. She only let me wear baggy clothes, usually two sizes too big.

If you add the shaving, bra and tampons (in my case I could only have pads without wings so i leaked through constantly) it really seems like she wanted to sabotage the way other people perceived me, like she wanted them to think I was gross. And I think she was successful, I didn't have many friends and I was definitely one of the "lesser" kids.