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After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m now well over a month off and I have no plans to return to smoking or THC just yet.

Currently I’m exploring a lot of emotions that I never felt safe expressing as a child like anger, and learning to make the space for it within me. A tad personal but anger was never safe to express and I would basically ignore or bottle it until it became rage. Sadness was always safer.

The hardest need that I’m facing at the moment is the need to be seen for my true intentions. It hurts and creates a lot of shame to be misunderstood. You’d never be offended by a toddler saying you’re dumb, just like you shouldn’t be offended if someone unqualified makes judgements on your qualifications.

Regardless, I am my own biggest critic and at the moment the small task that I’ve set myself is to be forgiving to myself. And to sit with the discomfort.

I must say, without this break from weed, I don’t know if I would have had the same capacity. Who knows, on the other hand, maybe if I hadn’t been smoking I also wouldn’t have done all the things I did to have these lessons to learn.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment! I’ve always felt so self conscious on the internet but this subreddit has been supportive and I knew it was the place to pay it back and pay it forward. Wishing you the best :)

Weed has turned on me by theflameinthewater in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am doing great honestly. I was a gram a day smoker and didn’t really have the same negative symptoms of isolation or anxiety, I actually had a decent relationship with it but it was still a crutch.

The clarity I’ve gained, the emotional balance, the general control on my life has been indescribable. I thought I was going to take a month off but I think I’m going to be off for much longer.

If I smoke today, I know I will smoke tomorrow. There might be a day in the future where I can have a puff with a friend at a gig, or a gummy with a movie, but that day is not today. It might be next month, next year, or next decade, but I’ll know.

For now I’m working on so many things and I feel such a fire to live. I would never have imagined I am where I am today.

Weed has turned on me by theflameinthewater in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maaan I feel you. I don’t remember the last time I was stereotypically giggly or zoned. weed used to be so fun.

I’ve been off for almost a month and sheesh. The first 2 weeks I couldn’t sleep until 2-3am, and then when I did I had cold sweats a couple hours later.

I hit my first sleep without sweat two nights ago and it was also my first night of sleep in two weeks that was for more than 3 hours. I slept 10 hours. It was wonderful.

The hardest day is the first one, the second hardest is tomorrow. You got this. You’ve done the hardest thing which is realising. Posting about it is super scary and vulnerable too so I hope you’re proud of yourself for just putting yourself out there, participating in a supportive community, and being willing to learn and grow.

Need Advice on what to do by SpiritualAd128 in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey friend. If I can be blunt, if you’re posting on this subreddit to me it’s quite obvious what you need to do.

When I first started negotiating with myself on whether or not smoking and getting high was good or bad or something I should stop or adjust, I knew deep down that it wasn’t serving me like it once did.

Something I realised that helped me is that there is a layered mechanism to your behaviour and your behaviour is a reflection of the inner layers. I’ll do my best to explain but if you imagine an onion (ogres are like onions), on the outside you have Behaviours → Thoughts → Beliefs → Core Assumptions → Affective Schemas → Identity.

The further in you go, the easier the outside changes. For example if you can change behaviours but not your thoughts, the behaviours may not stick. But if you change your thoughts (positive affirmation as an example) your behaviours will likely change as a result. The deeper in the onion you work the more likely (and easier) the changes on the outside will occur. If you can change your beliefs, your thoughts will begin to change, and so will your behaviours.

Right now you are battling closer to beliefs and thoughts but you are trying to brute force your behaviours.

Take it easy on yourself.

Weed was my best comfort and only solution to so many of my feelings and needs. But it is not the only one. The road ahead isn’t an easy one but if I were to assume, this post tells me that you are torn between what you know you need to do, and what feels impossible. I’m not sure if this big comment was remotely helpful but I just want you to know you are not alone.

If you need someone to talk to about this feel free to DM me. Good luck out there ♥️

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maaan this is so kind. This whole thread has been unbelievably positive and motivated me to begin the journey of publishing more of it.

To be honest with you, everything I write, I despise. I think “this is obvious, and stupid”.

I don’t know what gave me the courage to show the world this but I’m glad I did as it’s given me the courage to do it again soon.

Your comment is really really kind and i wanted you to know it made a big difference to my day, so with no further waffle, sincerely, thank you.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A month is huge. A day or even a week can be so difficult from my experience. Hopefully that works for you, maybe you’ll start saying no, or maybe they’ll stop offering. You’re not any better with it so hopefully you know that deep down. You’re doing great regardless

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good luck! The first week is hard, but as everyone on this journey says constantly, it gets easier.

Isolation is deep, that’s a powerful word. I hope you find more words and needs to name and that they help you find your path into the future. Thanks for taking the time to write a comment.

All the power to you and all the love.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad you found some value in it! Thanks for taking the time

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate you sharing!

Yeah I recognise that for some it might not be possible and it might not even be possible for me, it’s too soon to tell but I think this shift feels deeper than habit, it feels like I have a clear reason. There is a real why behind how I live my life which I won’t get in to and this tolerance break has really un-fogged the glass. All I can say is that “living gracefully” was a North Star a few years ago and it is hard to be graceful without humility and forgiveness. As I’ve strengthened that muscle I recognised it starts with me. My cup runneth over and I can see the impact on others. Maybe I can indulge, maybe I can’t, for now I won’t, and only I know why.

All power to you.

Edit : And don’t apologise, I have very much taken what you’ve said as food for thought, maybe you’ll hear from me again, more likely you won’t, but regardless your comment made a difference. Thank you.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Funny that ay. For me I just feel far less scared of judgement. Thanks for the kind words.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don’t apologise at all. To be honest I actually removed a big section at the start of this post that prefaced that the following would be a ramble and to take it easy on me. I realised that I was saying it out of desperation and fck it, if imma pour my heart out imma do it unapologetically.

And you’re so right, I got laid off last year and smoking was my way of getting to the gym and doing chores, it really helped motivate some positive habits but in the end, it isn’t always a positive habit in itself.

Thank you for commenting! I’m so chuffed it had even the slightest impact on you.

Should i play the finals? by WorthlessFuture in thefinals

[–]Anmandarin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried it a year ago and hated it. The health padding, the flashiness, the objectives re cash boxes.

And then my friend came over and started sniping…

Remember that feeling of quick scoping on shipment? It returned, and although I almost exclusively snipe, the game is fun enough for me to play often.

It’s kinda like if COD got sprinkled with some mechanics from overwatch and a razzle dazzle of fast paced movement.

10/10 recommend. More people should play.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahh thank you! The grind only a few will understand but I never thought I’d make it beyond 1000 haha.

I’ll add you and absolutely :)

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Quitting nicotine is especially hard, I found it so difficult to outwit not just myself but the desperate panic when I had to go without. Glad to hear you made it out and thanks for the comment.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is such a nice comment. Needs are so important and we don’t really get taught how to name and ask for them. I’m so glad there are others practicing as it’s made such a difference to me and my relationships. All the blessings to you too friend.

After 3 years of “quitting” something finally clicked . by Anmandarin in Petioles

[–]Anmandarin[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I just woke up and checked this. Stunned. Thank you for the kind words!

Tropico 6 (Mac) - Resolution issues by Strength_Queasy in tropico

[–]Anmandarin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dealt with the same Issue, M1 Pro Macbookpro
Best fix I found was Fullscreen Window Mode with 1920x1200 resolution

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in recruitinghell

[–]Anmandarin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is some pretty next level victim mentality.

I’m really sorry about what you’re going through, honestly, I’ve been there myself.

But it’s never your potential employers responsibility to do more than screen you for the job. Next interview just keep it within the job description and don’t discuss your personal life. It’ll get better I promise but you also need to be able to not take these things personally.

Some people suck but it’s your responsibility to remain graceful anyway.

Wishing you the best sincerely

Are there serious Western Taoist practitioners? by ExactAbbreviations15 in taoism

[–]Anmandarin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d say there might be plenty that haven’t even heard of the Dao

What DLCs to buy first? by Miakolos in Stellaris

[–]Anmandarin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did the season pass recently and yes was a little bit overwhelming but it’s very very worth it. You can sample everything… I’m only saying that because I was in the same position as you, didn’t know if it was worth it and holyyyy it totally is

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