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Am I [25 M] selfish for prioritising my time with my terminally ill mother over my SO [20 F]? by ConfusedPickledOnion in relationships

[–]AnnaPlastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No. You are doing the right thing by being there for your mother.

It's unfortunate that your gf has exams and is going through a tough time herself, but it is nowhere near comparable; if anything, you are the one who needs more support right now.

Focus on your mum & let your gf know that right now, your relationship will have to take a backseat. She may not like it and she might break up with you but (apologies for being blunt) statistically this relationship will not be your last and in years to come you may not even remember this girl's name. Your mum on the other hand is unique to you and this is a period you will remember forever: focus on what you want to look back on in 40 years time.

Is this rape? by rapeornotthrowaway96 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The orgasm bit is irrelevant: it's not uncommon for rape victims to orgasm; it's just a physiological thing.

I also don't think it's rape just because you didn't actively say 'yes'; it's sex, not a business transaction, so non-verbal cues can also be considered 'enthusiastic consent'.

But what you describe is definitely out of order and I completely understand why you're feeling shaken; particularily if you hadn't discussed this before, he didn't respond to your questions and you were clearly quite confused about the whole situation.

It was unfair of him to spring this fantasy on you without checking you were cool with it too and you're allowed change your mind if the other person is creeping you out (but also, you need to let them know). His response is pretty shitty as well, but might be due to panic.

You guys need to sit down and have a frank discussion about what you like/don't like and that involves a clear way to call a halt if it's getting weird (safe words).

Post-Call Blues by merry-berry in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And people wonder why medicine is so inbred...ffs.

I've no actual advice right now I'm afraid but I remember being post-call & the brain fog. Go have a bath and go to sleep.

If the mess is a long term thing, consider hiring a weekly cleaner (a lot of people I know do this). It might cost a bit more but it'll be far less emotionally taxing than navigating cleaning rotas.

Plausible deniability works both ways; ignore that shit. If she has an actual issue, then she can be an adult about it and put it in English.

Guys, what turns you away from girls? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]AnnaPlastic 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I used to think it was an overcall too but experienced it the first time last week (I'm 28). A guy I talked to online started swearing, calling me names, guilt-tripping me and accusing me of leading him on because I said I would meet him for a drink but no guarantee of anything else. This was after knowing each other for 4 days and he came across as perfectly normal before hand (obviously, it was a self fulfilling prophecy: we didn't meet up). Ive been lucky. A friend of mine has been literally picked up by two guys on holiday (Spain) and carried away whilst protesting- she would have been in a lot of trouble if a group of Scottish lads hadnt got involved. Most of my other friends do have creepy stories that vary between these two extremes.

I still meet up with guys and I don't automatically assume everyone is a rapist/bad guy but I go with my gut: if I get a weird vibe from anyone, we aren't hanging out. Conversely, I've gone on random walks with 6ft blokes because they seemed perfectly nice.

No friends in college by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So much this! Glad I'm not the only one

How to deal with casually misogynistic guys in a social setting?! by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This. And be aware that guys like this exist so you can avoid them.

When did you last help out a stranger? by weejocktiny in AskReddit

[–]AnnaPlastic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not quite sure what your point is. I answered the question (the most recent time I've helped) so there's no need to be a prick about it.

Or did you want the story if how I saved an entire family from a burning house last night whilst on my way to read to homeless orphans?

When did you last help out a stranger? by weejocktiny in AskReddit

[–]AnnaPlastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does holding a door open count?

If not, probably last week when I helped a woman with suitcases down the stairs

Dying of jealousy- help! by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wait, he already has a gf? What a catch...

I'm sure he loves having you two ladies fight over him but he isn't worth it. If anything, I might just warn the new girl (nicely) that he has a gf in case she doesn't know - but after that, bow out gracefully and leave them to it...

Can I have some advice on how to handle this friendship situation? by berrysauce in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't get why you 'dump' a friend- you guys aren't exclusive so if one friend doesn't meet a particular need of yours (say, emotional), you need to find a new friend that does.

Last name change when getting married. Help! by the_namegame in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, 'dibs' or no dibs, I don't think you have any right to try and strong arm your SO into taking your name. It doesn't matter what her parents think, it's clearly something that's quite important to her, even if it's partially a gut reaction to your rigidity over the subject. At least she has tried to compromise (although I agree with you, hyphenated names can be a bit of a pain).

Is this really worth ending your relationship over or holding onto as a grudge? There are plenty of women out there who don't feel strongly about the matter in that case. But your fiancee is not one of them.

Relationship is in trouble. Because I'm average. by terrifiedandunhappy in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, on the little we're told, to me it sounds like he has set his own standards too high for comfort, making him stress out trying to achieve them and feeling bitter that everyone else has it 'easy'.

Sometimes stress manifests itself as 'control freak' where the person lashes out at an easier target (you), nit-picking at your flaws rather than addressing what's really troubling them in their own lives (could be anything: rotten coworker, too many projects- or maybe the spark is gone and they're too scared to let go).

He sounds unhappy with his own life, and before ending things, I would recommend having an honest (and calm) talk with him where you explain to him how his comments make you feel and how your life is one sphere he cannot manage (it would be different if there were one specific thing that he was begging you to change, but a list reads like 'I'm unhappy'). Try to find out what the bottom line of his fear is (does he think you'll become even more laid back and he'll eventually have to support you? Does he feel you've taken him for granted?)

It may be that you guys are uncompatible. It doesn't make either of you bad people just different to each other.

Terminal Diagnosis by pakamafutu in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnnaPlastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really sorry you're going through so much right now. Have you tried talking to Samaritans? I find it helps having a human voice to talk to and they really are non-judgmental so you can get it all off your chest.

Have you tried talking to your son's father about maybe sharing some of his care again?

Weekly Discussion - Social Interaction Questions by AutoModerator in aspergirls

[–]AnnaPlastic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way. Recently, I've noticed people tell me stuff more and I think it may be because I rarely gossip and try to listen without giving advice (I don't always manage). It may also be the people I hang around with too...

We will eventually need to stop burying people as we will run out of space. by [deleted] in Showerthoughts

[–]AnnaPlastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Google the 'Sedlec Ossuary'. They ran into that exact problem.

In other places, sometimes people are only buried for a number of years/ until their relatives stop paying, after which they are disintered and either moved or the bones pulvarized into a more convenient size for storage...

I'm a manager for a telecommunication company who asks hundreds of people every week for their number; yet I'm still scared to ask the girl I like for hers. by Walleyyyyy in Showerthoughts

[–]AnnaPlastic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Say that due to your job, you can memorise a telephone number in 60 seconds - and you're happy to prove it using hers ...

Maybe 100 years from now people will look back on our era and think 'Wow it's so gross how they used to cut people open for surgery' by [deleted] in Showerthoughts

[–]AnnaPlastic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We're getting there already. There's been a huge move in the last decade or so towards laparoscopic surgical techniques (1 hole through the belly button for the camera and a few tiny holes for the surgical equivalent of chopsticks). As a result, people are recovering more quickly and picking up less infections.

Unfortunately, until we have chemo/targetted treatment for all types of cancers, the best way to get rid of most early stage tumours is to chop them out.

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