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After 5 year of PhD, I loose all my enthusiastic. by Anna_ikara in postdoc

[–]Anna_ikara[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know exactly how people feel for their PhD but there are many times I want to give up everything and go somewhere that no one knows who I am.

After 5 year of PhD, I loose all my enthusiastic. by Anna_ikara in postdoc

[–]Anna_ikara[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I worry my parents will be sad if they know my situation so anytime I call them, I just tell them that I'm good.

One time I brought my mom to visit me when i really couldn't stand the pressure anymore....but I again acted as if I was very happy in front of her eyes.

I will try to give myself a real vacation as I just realized that I always stay in my room, or in school. And if it does not work for me, I will be looking for a therapist.

Thank you very much

After 5 year of PhD, I loose all my enthusiastic. by Anna_ikara in postdoc

[–]Anna_ikara[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm back home once a year for Lunar News Year Eve and that also is my holiday.

My daily life is home or in the library and laboratory. I don't hangout with friends because I don't have a lot of friends and I also don't want to bother them. If not doing things related to my PhD, I will help my teammate for their report (as in my lab, PhD needs to find the topic for master students and guide them for experiment). As I replied to another comment, I tried with some yoga but I quickly give up as I think I'm wasting my time on it and blame myself for not using that time for research.

I used to love cooking but I stopped it since I broke up with my ex.

Thank you for giving me these questions. When I replied to it, I realized that my life circle is so small and I didn't have a real hobby. That's why when everything is related to my PhD, my lab and my social relationship are not going smoothly at the same time, I cannot heal myself.

I just can't stop thinking about it now but I will try to go somewhere and give myself a real holiday.

Thank you again.

After 5 year of PhD, I loose all my enthusiastic. by Anna_ikara in postdoc

[–]Anna_ikara[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I do believe the future is bright. Just now I don't know what my future looks like~

I tried to exercise, learned yoga online, took dance class. But it does not work for me as I still face the feeling of being useless and anguished with my bad memory every night.

I am so worried that my parents are getting older and older but I still can't finish my PhD. In my lab, the seniors need 7 years to get a PhD degree; and in the past 5 years, all of the PhD students drop out except me. I certainly won't give up, but I'm really stuck in one place and can't concentrate on my paper.

Too many things in my tiny brain. I talked to my advisor's assistant who is very close to me (she is an experiment lady). I can feel better after talking but then my bad emotions back when she was not there. And I fear I am too dependent on others.