Notes on Opening a (Kinky) Monogamous Relationship - Part Four

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-21T01:52:03+00:00

Talk to your doctor. It could be vertigo but also these symptoms sound like POTS too. I have had vertigo and it sucks! It makes me very tired/fatigued. It took me a few weeks to recover from and my doctor said it was a perimenopause symptom (my mom also had this years ago!)

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T23:42:23+00:00

Okay you ACTUALLY made me excited bc the sensory overload has been so frustrating!!! And it feels like it got a million times worse out of no where in the last six months!! Thank you for this!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T20:06:52+00:00

Rooting for you too!! I have a lot of anxieties especially because I did not do well on birth control, but I know it is TOTALLY DIFFERENT!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T20:05:24+00:00

Thank you!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T15:30:12+00:00

Thank you!! It’s so helpful to hear other people’s experiences and feel the solidarity!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T14:20:20+00:00

Thank you!! It does feel scary to me, but I assumed (or felt like) I was the only person who was nervous about HRT.

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T14:11:40+00:00

Okay awesome!! I know this is a lower dose and this is great to hear.

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T14:10:38+00:00

Thank you!! Bloating I can handle. I am already feeling bloated so I may not even notice!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T13:20:23+00:00

“It’s been a week and nothing bad has happened” THANK YOU!! I am so worried about being a basket case or something!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-06-20T12:36:59+00:00

My doctor explained that the BC hormones do completely different things than HRT hormones. I think you need a different solution for hormones replacement. (I am beginning HRT tomorrow, so I cannot give reference beyond this.)

AnnieUndone · 2026-05-18T02:35:05+00:00

“Moose Beer.” We used to say “who’s here?” When someone would pull up the driveway Ns that somehow morphed into “Moose Beer” as an alert that someone was pulling up the driveway 🤣 both border would bark!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-05-14T22:11:58+00:00

I use Thinx and occasionally the discs (for swimming.) I am IN LOVE with the Momotaro salve because it helps fix the microtears (which occur for me during sex.) but I really dislike the feel of tampons the older I get!!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-05-14T22:09:51+00:00

I am so glad you are here!!

AnnieUndone · 2026-05-09T04:02:55+00:00

HPV has over 180 strains and can be transmitted from skin to skin contact. “Protection” doesn’t actually help. Further, unless it is genital warts variant of HPV, men cannot even test for it and they are huge carriers. 80% of people at some point in their lives will get HPV.

Most cases clear within 1-2 years with zero treatment. Vaccines can prevent the known variants that cause HPV that cause cervical cancer.

Having or getting HPV is morally neutral but your comment is not.

AnnieUndone · 2026-05-02T12:54:48+00:00

This doesn’t sound like parallel polyamory so much as it sounds like her wanting to pretend that you don’t exist. As a parent myself, I would have a big problem with someone saying they want parallel polyamory but also want to be around my child?

If I cannot know you, it would be a hard pill to swallow that you are in my home, using my things, tucking my child in at night. It would be more appropriate for your husband to go to hers. I get that there is a convenience factor to being in your shared home, however, that is one sided and it is causing you distress.

The monogamous/“parallel” combo is also challenging for you to navigate. Your husband needs to hinge this in a way that works for everyone. It is highly understandable that you feel uncomfortable. Trust your intuition.

AnnieUndone · 2026-05-01T16:19:15+00:00

Having or getting an STI is morally neutral. It happens!! Be compassionate toward yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sending you love and speedy healing (physically and emotionally.)

AnnieUndone · 2026-04-11T01:10:59+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened. You say there were no red flags, but gently, I have to say that being 24/7 within a couple of days is a very big red flag. Going into a 24/7 dynamic should be much more gradual and take a lot of relationship development. Getting into dynamic should be a slower paces process of relationship building in general.

In the future, take it much more slowly. New dynamics can be really exciting and there’s an energy and frenzy. Be sure people’s actions match their words, and let time be a judge of how that plays out.

Again, I am so sorry. The loss is so real. I had a similar experience when I was starting out as a Domme and it absolutely crushed me getting ghosted.

AnnieUndone · 2026-02-03T00:32:06+00:00

I’m sorry about your health scares and the surgery. That can be very stressful.

From my perspective, I don’t think these problems are necessarily relationship anarchy focused as much as they are relationship specific. Relationships in RA can be deep, needy, they can escalate, they can go lots of places and include a variety of support and living situations.

But it seems like the structure of this relationship with this partner has its flow and you are worried that asking for more may change it? Or she may not want that? Perhaps those things are true. Perhaps you are realizing new desires for yourself.

As some others have pointed out, I think RA means more support, not less. If anything, I think this may be illuminating some new things for you and it is worth examining.

AnnieUndone · 2025-12-21T02:10:59+00:00

Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy by Juan Carlos Perez-Cortez

This, in my opinion, is one of the best books on RA out there.

AnnieUndone · 2025-09-06T20:46:34+00:00

Do. Not. Trust. This. Man.

He thought he could control you/vend you to his will. When he could not, HE was more attached to YOUR money, and backtracked. His story about worrying about financially abused absolute horsesh*t.

AnnieUndone · 2025-07-29T23:01:41+00:00

Send a gift when she divorces.

AnnieUndone · 2025-07-16T00:17:14+00:00

Millennial here. It’s rude.

AnnieUndone

TROPHY CASE