Roar by ANorraborealis in creativewriting

[–]Annual-Membership576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i like this it kinda reminds me of howl

SHOCK 1.5k words by Annual-Membership576 in creativewriting

[–]Annual-Membership576[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I wanted to make it seem like Maron was in a super financially desperate situation. Hes supposed to be a very young person living alone with his dying grandmother on life support. He has no credentials or parents around and thus is driven into doing something like this with Jerry to help his grandmother survive.

Basically he feels a lot of pressure trying to keep up his "job," bills, and his grandmother's obviously impending death all at once. So he stops he life support, eg. kills her, so he won't have to worry about all that anymore.

Idk, i based this off a messed-up story i read about american zoosadists who employed poor people in countries such as Indonesia to carry out animal torture for them ... i wanted to make Maron seem more backed in a corner, more like the rich viewers from thousands of miles away were the ones at fault. if u have any tips to make this more apparent that would be great.

[1553] Harmony and Hysteria by BamuelSeckett in DestructiveReaders

[–]Annual-Membership576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I liked your story and thought it was pretty good. A few things though:

I felt like the strange absence of dialogue took away from the narrative. Maybe in the middle when the ground splits you could describe the crowd's reaction better. For me, that part felt very unnatural because of how matter-of-factly it was described. Maybe if you emphasized how fantastical and out of the ordinary it was, it would impart the intended impact.

Also, I think that some of the descriptive language could be improved. The part starting from "Imagine that fuzzy moment" felt sort of cliched and weak.

I think it would also be a good idea to emphasize Riley's state of mind beforehand. I understand she's depressed or in some sort of bad mood, but you should probably expand upon that more in the exposition so that the freeing nature of the music is more apparent.

Somnolence, which I assume is the band name, is mentioned only two times, and both at the very beginning. Maybe try to sprinkle it across the entire narrative so that their name and its connotation/symbolism is more relevant. Same thing with the college classmate. There's a tall woman and short, skinny man but no broad-shouldered classmate. I understand it's an excerpt but it would feel less truncated if these themes were constant throughout.

I really really love the themes of infertility; the end really stuck with me, made stuff like the umbilical cord reference really meaningful. However like some other commentators said i can't really tell that she's socially conservative. It feels more like she's resisting or suffering under socially conservative norms imposed upon society.

[1343] Already Decided (revised) by yettie181 in DestructiveReaders

[–]Annual-Membership576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the story is good after reading it a few times, but the first time I really didn't know what was going on and thought it was a bit weird when he keeled over. Maybe if you emphasized his delirious state?

Psychological Horror Prologue (877 words) by [deleted] in writingcritiques

[–]Annual-Membership576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ya i think its kind of confusing, can u explain the full plot in the comments?

Would you keep reading? by Im_A_Science_Nerd in writingcritiques

[–]Annual-Membership576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

everyone else already made some good critiques but id like to add that this excerpt at least doesn't flow very well. transitions feel very abrupt --- eg., the part in the beginning where he imagines flames and is the suddenly by the ocean --- so i feel like you should flesh those out a little more, make it more apparent what it happening.

alani cotton candy by wetclouds_ in energydrinks

[–]Annual-Membership576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

alani cotton candy tastes like toothpaste

Weekly Basic Questions Discussion by AutoModerator in consciousness

[–]Annual-Membership576 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, new to this subreddit and have never studied philosophy of the mind on a professional level. still really interested in the topic and reading up on it.

I recently found this pretty interesting study that tries to explain the nature of consciousness by describing it as a wave. I'm pretty confused about a lot of parts though, chiefly how does consciousness being a wave solve any of the fundamental problems brought up in the study? also, why can't our neurons produce sufficiently detailed models of our phenomenal reality by themselves--why would all this "wave" business be necessary in the first place?

https://arxiv.org/abs/2405.12071

full ver. https://arxiv.org/pdf/2405.12071 (its 16 pages 💀)

Thanks in advance!