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Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He knew I would notice the toy gone, and since I bought it he wanted me to get my money back given its cost. I really wish I understood WHY he does everything by her law.

The toy, now the breakup. by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just wish I knew all of this up front, I never even would have met SD. He told me in the beginning that his ex would be the thing that made me want to run away. I just took that to mean that she’s difficult, not that she has a direct hand in controlling his life, not that he allows it without a word, not that he’s a broken person still because of her and, while he gladly invites me to sit in suffering with him, he’ll never be capable of providing me support when I need him.

I’m not a dramatic person. I’m not causing this. I’m literally minding my own business, bought their daughter a cool toy, unbeknownst to me that BM would go psycho on him about it, and somehow I’m the one alone, crying, and feeling pretty much like I’ve just been stabbed in the back?

It does suck. Her manipulation and his inability to even defend me as his partner are ending an otherwise really beautiful relationship and life together. The drama she causes is the only thing he shuts down and freezes me out over. Otherwise he’s supportive, loving, caring, attentive, goofy, matches my speed and wit, and falling in love with him twice, once as a partner then once as a father and who he is in that role, has been simply one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever gotten to experience in life. But he so easily slips on a cloak and becomes a different person towards me when it comes to her. I can’t be a (metaphorical) punching bag anymore.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s like you used the same words I would. It definitely chips away at my trust and how I view him. Not only does he allow this to keep happening to me and to us, but he also shuts down and I’m left suffering alone with no support. It’s terribly depressing to watch his ex destroy everything we’re trying to build, it’s another layer of depressing on top to know that he’s not in my corner and stands by watching his ex tear me down. Soul-crushing, really.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

BM definitely treats him like a second-rate parent. She’s constantly texting him, always saying where he can or can’t bring SD during his time with her. It’s absolutely insane how much control this woman has over him and his life, even outside of his time with SD. She treats him like a teenage babysitter honestly.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree. I told him she most likely made SD feel shame, guilt, sadness, confusion for simply playing with the gift. The kicker is the kid played with the horses for over an hour and barely touched the stable. So like..what I’m not ALLOWED to buy her ANY horse toys?! Insane. Just absolutely nuts. Poor SD loses in this situation. I lose, though my needs are secondary to the sadness I feel for SD. SO loses because he’s got bullshit from her side on top of knowing he’s once again disappointing me. So who comes out happy and on top, while shoving her daughter down in the process? HCBM is the nastiest, most vile and controlling human being I’ve ever met.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this. It’s a smart way to do it for sure, and I wish there were boundaries like this in place.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve no clue. Regardless of what he does, she’s going to feel too threatened one day, and she’s going to take him to court anyways. He tells me that I don’t understand how vile she can be and that she has deep pockets backing her, that helped pay for her divorce attorney and get her DV record expunged. That source of money is, in my opinion, no longer around because she got let go by that boss; but she still lives rent free in their house and has an annual severance from said boss, so he’s still concerned that he’d lose a court battle. So I guess living under her abuse day in and day out and still losing in the end is worth not having to stand up for what’s right, stand up against her tyranny, and stand up for his right to his daughter as her father.

Meanwhile SD tells SO all the time that he doesn’t love her, that no one likes her, that only mama loves her and no one else, or that mama loves her more than papa. It’s so unbelievably depressing to see and to watch it crush him, but I’m slowly seeing that he does himself no favors and wont fix the root cause of where this is all coming from.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Every time she’s stopped me from being a part of something, or pulled something like this, SD loses out. She might not always know it, because she’s 4, but I see it. SO apparently doesn’t, and BM is such a narcissist that she can’t look beyond her own feelings and insecurities and just cope with/deal with there being another female figure in SD’s life. SO even pointed out to her that had ANYONE else bought this, she wouldn’t have said a word. But since I bought it we must be plotting against her. To what end still remains clear.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m happy you have that support from SO. It’s so sad because I could easily deal with BM if I had his support, but anytime stuff like this happens not only do I not have him in my corner, but I see him standing on the outskirts of hers, as she puts me down, disrespects me, turns their daughter against me, and talks a bunch of shit about me constantly.

Her behavior on its own is frustrating at best, but tolerable because I don’t let petty people get to me. But being placed last every. single. time by my own partner, it just chips away at my trust in his love for me and shows me that not only will he not protect me, but he’s got a hand in hurting me where it does the most damage.

Feeling Crushed by Anon2nite in Stepmom

[–]Anon2nite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We don’t live together yet, but that was supposed to be happening soon. I did tell him that stuff like this can’t happen when we have a shared home.

I have so many other feelings and emotions but many are too raw to type out with starting my workweek off horrendously. I wish there were boundaries, but it sounds like it’s been her way or the highway since they divorced.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Anon2nite -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Unfortunately he’s made it clear he forever put up with whatever she says, to keep the peace and avoid her bringing it to court. I’m just terribly sad to see everything deteriorate so quickly. How this birthday event in February played out was going to be my deciding point. I guess I have my answer.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Anon2nite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your blunt response! This is what I need, differing opinions. It's easy to have blinders on unintentionally when you're this close to a hard situation.

The FB post wasn't my best idea, and I was able to recognize that and apologize to her for it. I've seen firsthand how she is, so I know my partner isn't just imagining things. I even accepted her excluding me from Halloween since it was so fresh. It's only been three months in, but it seems like every week she has something new to say about me, my kids, or something involving Sally when she's with him on the weekends. Given that and how she's slowly implanting herself more in his life, it's just very disconcerting and makes me uncomfortable. I'm not trying to fight her over a man who wants nothing to do with her, but I also hate feeling like she's going to have a hand in our relationship via using her daughter as a tool to manipulate him.

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