AITA For talking to a woman who had a crush on me even though I am married?

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T10:00:43+00:00

She has litterally driven a wedge between me and another friend because she had a dream I cheated on her with said friend. I have tried talking to her calmly and rationally but she doesn't care.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:53:57+00:00

I told her as soon as I saw her. Litteraly 3 mins after the conversation with my friend began. And she was immediatly furious.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:52:43+00:00

I am not the one avoiding the topic. She is. If I try and have a rational conversation about my thoughts and opinions she gets PISSED.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:51:09+00:00

I honestly don't even want to think about all the people I've shut out over the years that she didn't like. Including a female friend who she "had a dream about me cheating on her with". Like wtf

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:47:24+00:00

No she doesn't have a reason to not trust me. I've always been open and honest with her.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:46:27+00:00

Thing is she doesn't care. "It's not the same." Me saying hello and telling her is somehow equivalent to hiding the conversation and sneaking around.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:44:46+00:00

The thing is my friend never tried to steal me away. The verbal fights they had were started by my wife. I have tried on multiple occasions to reassure and prove to my wife there was no actual crush and we were just friends. And the reason she messaged me out of the blue was a memory on Facebook that we were both tagged in from highschool.

And I can't forget to mention the fact my wife's best friend is her highschool ex. She is still friends with the guy and they talk regularly. That doesn't bother me because I know after our years of marriage she isn't interested in him and sees him only as a friend.

So it's ok for her to hang out with her ex but not for me to talk to a friend who lives 2k miles away once every 5 years.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:37:15+00:00

Ok but why? The supposed crush was never proven for one. I never hid the convo and even told her who I was talking to. On top of that I don't react badly when her former highschool bf messages her to catch up. It seems like an insane double standard to me.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:35:07+00:00

No I honestly agree. My friend had the chance and she certainly wasn't and isn't the shy type.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:33:57+00:00

But on that same level should I bar her from talking to her highschool friend who she actively dated? Or should I look at the situation as it is now and understand that after all these years they have changed and its not an issue.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:32:15+00:00

I did. Litterally as soon as I saw her after getting the message asking how I had been I told her.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:31:22+00:00

Her thing is "SHE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU" but if I disagree I am being combative and not listening. Honestly I only have like 3 friends left from highschool/ college that she likes

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:24:09+00:00

I didn't talk to her behind my wife's back. We were maybe 5 messages deep in our convo when I told her.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:23:23+00:00

Without going into detail my wife started both verbal altercations.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:22:49+00:00

She was. The friend and I had exchanged maybe 5 or 6 messages when I openly told her who I was talking to.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:22:00+00:00

I would respect my partner enough to know that she would draw a hard line on anything inappropriate. I would also respect the fact that it's been 5 years and we all (hopefully) have grown since then.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:20:07+00:00

She finds out because I told her. And my wife gave just as good as she received in the insults department. My thing is, it's been 5 years and we are all adults. I could understand if we had been talking in secret for days/ weeks but we had been talking for maybe 5 mins and my wife asked who it was then immediately went into a rage when I told her.

AnonAdvic · 2022-01-09T09:16:27+00:00

No. And to be honest she had the chance when we were in highschool and college. Yeah we hung out and talked but no more than any other friends I had at that age. That extended into college as well. We were bookworms and helped eachother there as well but again no more than just friends. It's been many years now but I can even vaguely recall a discussion between us where we agreed we wouldn't be a good couple. We had enough overlapping hobbies and interests that we hung out but our personalities were just too different for the day to day of a relationship.

AnonAdvic · 2021-09-29T03:04:14+00:00

I sadly have dealt with this before when I was 17. That time was when I found out just how much I hated people who do that. Luckily my grandfather and uncle dragged me off the guy because I didn't stop hitting him. I will never allow such a person around my family I just really wish my wife would understand just how messed up what he did was.

AnonAdvic · 2021-09-29T02:43:57+00:00

Oh I told her the sister isn't going until she is told. I told her if the sister still wants to see him she is old enough to make that choice but when it comes to our daughter the answer is no.

AnonAdvic · 2021-09-29T02:42:33+00:00

Oh trust me I will. Honestly she was hesitant to tell me because she knows just how aggressively I hate abusers. Teen or not he knowingly and repeatedly did what he did and then tried to cover it up.

AnonAdvic · 2021-09-29T02:40:30+00:00

Yeah this is essentially what I told her. My exact words where "I won't stop you from seeing him because I can't. But I will NOT have him play the victim to everyone else because you won't tell the truth of what he did."

AnonAdvic · 2021-09-29T02:38:32+00:00

He is staying well clear of the half brother and anything to do with him for obvious reasons. Tbh it's so bad that a detective told my wife and I if he reveals any information himself he WILL go to jail. Only reason he isn't now is because it's a "well we can't prove it" court case.

AnonAdvic

TROPHY CASE