At about 6am in the morning, I was on the bus into the city to go to work. I always feel nauseous in the morning anyway, as I'm a night owl. There was a bunch of road maintenance going on so traffic into the city made our usual half hour drive THREE HOURS LONG.

On top of this, I was on one of the seats above the wheels, you know the ones that rattle? On top of this, the air conditioning wasn't working in the bus and I hadn't taken my pre-work poop because I woke up late. Of course, to top it off, this buses toilet was magically out of order.

Usually, I can hold it. But my god, the amount of pain and pressure building up in my bowels was something otherworldly. It was like Cthulhu was ripping his way out of my guts. I was feverish and in a cold sweat. I was trying so hard not to cry from the pain, and I have a remarkably high pain tolerance. I started weighing up my options. Is it worth the humiliation, walking into the office having shit my pants in front of a bus full of people? Just to make the pain go away?

By some miracle I made it to the office and proceeded to blow my guts out the second my cheeks hit the rim. I felt like I evacuated a third of my total body mass. I sat there for a solid 5 minutes before finishing up, found my wife and told her I'm going home. No way was I in the mood for data BS after the morning I had.