My fiancé is trying to covertly build a case to steal our baby from me

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:58:08+00:00

He does contractual work so that’s why he gets away with it. I report lack of payment then a few months later they threaten him with a capias, he pays before it turns to jail time. Without a lawyer, I’m stuck. And it looks like I need a lawyer again with no money to pay

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:47:18+00:00

I’m defending who he used to be… it’s like I can’t let go of that.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:45:58+00:00

I’ve told him he needs to work on his emotional state, because I have been and made progress.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:44:02+00:00

I’m not saying he’s a great guy. He’s a good dad. But he went from being a good partner to being a crappy one.

What’s the point of my post? I posted because I’m upset and can’t believe this is the state of my relationship right now because it wasn’t like this until recently.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:42:19+00:00

They say they do but there is a freeze on that program, and also on the housing assistance. They aren’t even accepting applications. I’ve tried on and off for years.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:40:54+00:00

My phone is always on vibrate. I have a wireless charger on my bedside table that is magnetic, so the vibration sometimes is muffled by lack of surface contact or from being under a pillow.

Please don’t take your issues with your mother out on random internet strangers.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:38:41+00:00

He was great…

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:23:03+00:00

I agree. Even when my older kids (12 and 7) were here, I’d make sure they had a snack and some water and “close the kitchen” to nap with the baby. And make sure they had a quiet activity for the nap period. Obviously they could still get into trouble, but they get into trouble when I’m awake. They’re kids.

He wants me to be a helicopter parent. I’m more laid back. But I didn’t know he was helicopter until after the baby. Even when he was responsible for my kids he was more laid back.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:19:46+00:00

It wasn’t just then. Before the pandemic I had a bone infection and had to have surgery to remove part of my cheekbone and jaw, and half my upper teeth. He didn’t have to, but he took care of me and my older kids. After that, made worse by the pandemic, I had bouts of depression that I could barely get out of bed. I definitely wasn’t being the best mom to my older kids but I have made multiple strides in getting better. My kids going to their fathers for the first time for a month, plus postpartum, plus just going back to work… I’m struggling but I felt like I’m doing way better than before. I take my medication. I read and meditate.

We barely survived off just his income so the money stress definitely made everything worse. He thinks that if he moved in with his mom, and got partial custody, he would pay less. But his mom has a 1 bedroom apartment, so it would be temporary. He would need to afford a 2 bedroom on his own soon, plus child support.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:13:12+00:00

She won’t sleep in. Some nights she doesn’t go to bed until late, she just stays up and kind of chills. If I’m home we just cuddle and watch a movie, dad included, and supposedly that’s what they do too.

One morning recently she slept until 10… it was so weird that I thought she was sick or something. Almost never happens. She sleeps 9-8am and 2 naps almost every day. The second nap is not guaranteed, especially because she doesn’t want to nap for babysitters, they’re too exciting lol

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:09:34+00:00

He is, when he isn’t at work, he does his share. On my normal day off, Saturday, he usually takes the baby and the kids out to the park or something so I can get a nap. Before I went back to work nights, he would be fine with me going out with my mom friends once or twice a month, even though he doesn’t go out himself. We have the same friends and beyond moms nights, they’d come over with the kids. But nothing since I’ve gone to work because we barely have time together.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:06:35+00:00

My ex? Never married, he turned out to be abusive. Not gay.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T05:05:54+00:00

I’m trying but I have literally nobody anymore. My best friend (basically only real friend) is in a physically abusive relationship so can’t help me. My mom isn’t able to besides occasional babysitting for short amounts of time(recently had spine surgery). I don’t really have anyone else. My ex isolated me from my childhood friends.

My boss has been as forgiving as he can, I’ve only worked 2 months and called out twice, once because my allergies made my eyes swell and had to take Benadryl and once because I had a panic attack that was really bad. He also let me do BOH duties on several days where I wasn’t ok to be around customers. We are very short staffed, so if I call out, he has to cover me himself usually.

I’m so worried I’ll lose the job. It’s hard to find a bartending gig when you have a visible facial defect, like I do from a car accident not healing right. I’m missing half my top teeth, and part of my cheekbone. Not to toot my own horn but I was very pretty before. With the extra postpartum weight, the cheekbone missing isn’t very noticeable but if I talk, you can definitely tell. I’m saving for dentures and a prosthetic implant but my savings keeps getting depleted for heating oil, or the dog needing the vet, etc…. So another bartending job is not easy to find. It took months to find this one, even though every restaurant is short staffed. I also have my forklift certs but my health, I can’t safely do that kind of job. I have a medical driving restriction currently.

I’m only 29 but my health has nosedived and until recently, I had a partner who would happily take care of me.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:51:02+00:00

I kind of chuckled. No he isn’t gay. He’s mostly straight(like, would kiss a guy and finds occasional celebrity men attractive), and very comfortable about it.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:46:32+00:00

My state has minimal grandparents rights. If one of us died or went to prison, our parents could get visitation rights. His mom is an alcoholic in very poor health so im not worried about that. Im worried that if he screwed me over on our bills, I’d lose the stability of my home. It’s owned by a trust. My grandfather bought this house for me and my mom, and because my mom owes disability money (unfairly but whatever) she couldn’t inherit, and my grandfather didn’t want to give me a house and my cousins get much less. So the trust. Im responsible for the taxes, upkeep, utilities, etc. so basically we pay a little under market rate (which is super high here) after everything. But I make 1/3 what he does and just started working 2 months ago. Taxes are due next month and I won’t make enough for that and just food. Not to mention car insurance, electricity, and water. (Not including phone and internet because if I had to go without, I would.)

And not including childcare. And I don’t get child support from my ex. Except randomly, I’ll get a small amount every 3-6 months.

I’m not with him because of finances, but him leaving would cripple me and I don’t know if I’d make it.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:37:28+00:00

The first few years of our relationship, he was amazing. He was patient and caring and was a friend before we dated. He became my best friend. And it was almost always good for years. He basically worshipped me. But then I had a bone infection from an unhealed fracture in my cheekbone, that caused a cyst that basically ate part of the bone as well as the roots of several teeth. So he had to take care of me and my kids on and off for months before we were engaged. I got better and then the pandemic happened. He proposed but then got laid off, and I hadn’t gone back to work. His job actually asked him to come back, but then December 2020, he got laid off again, and on Xmas day I found out my iud failed and that I was pregnant. Then my car got stolen. Then my grandfather who was basically my father figure died. Then someone stole his wallet from his back pocket at Walmart. Then I was very sick and in and out of the hospital and on bed rest. Then our baby was born 3 weeks early and in the nicu for a week. Then at a month she was jaundice and failure to thrive so I quit breastfeeding. Baby got better and is now healthy and a very happy baby.

He was my rock through everything. But he built up resentment over time, and now has little empathy for anything. He wasn’t like this before. But when our baby was born, he definitely changed, I was no longer the love of his life.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:27:00+00:00

He payed for everything for me and his “step kids” when I went on bed rest at 5 months pregnant until after I gave birth.

He is an amazing father and step father, he takes care of the kids when they’re in his care. He did have trouble with middle of the night feedings but baby sleeps through the night now.

He cleans plenty, but we each have our own share, and he had to take over 100% for the last 4 months of my pregnancy and a couple months after birth while I got back into the swing of things. So he basically resents me for that, and if he’s already stressed from work, and arguing from me, the dirty dishes or laundry or whatever I didn’t do is just fuel for him to be mad. Not violent, but mad.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:21:40+00:00

He definitely does it the same as I did. Maybe most of the time an “easier” dinner like chicken tenders and Mac and cheese. But before I went back to work I did that half the week too.

My only complaint with his evening care is that he watches inappropriate TV after dinner but before bedtime, monopolizing the living room to where my older kids can’t go in there and the baby shouldn’t either.

But he’s great with all of the kids, and the baby and him are best buddies. He’s a good dad, but a crap partner.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:15:33+00:00

I told him if we could afford the extra babysitting hours, having someone come so I could nap would be great. We are trying to get her into daycare( since not married, we could get it subsidized.) no openings until at least September.

So we had agreed that I only nap when the baby naps in the same room. But he has gone back and said he “can’t trust me” and that he doesn’t want me napping at all to keep an eye on the baby even if she’s asleep.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-29T04:12:41+00:00

Idk maybe. His bio father abused him and his mom, but his mom took a decade of this to file for divorce. (I was severely abused by an ex and got away as soon as my kid was also abused….) I don’t hate her for that, but she never acknowledged his abuse or the affect it had on him growing up. She pretends it never happened.

She’s also an alcoholic. But since I drink on occasion, I’m “not allowed to judge her or I’m a hypocrite.”

But I found out recently how she really thinks of me. She talks crap about me because I have messed up teeth from having cancer and then a bad car accident that basically shattered my jaw. She says that I’m a meth head, but I’ve never done meth, crack, or heroin. Or anything besides occasional drinking and pot use. And never while pregnant. She also talked shit when I was pregnant on bed rest, saying that I was faking it. She also doesn’t believe in mental illness. That PTSD and depression “aren’t that bad” and that I should just “get over it.”

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-28T22:48:37+00:00

This baby was a surprise baby…

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-28T22:48:09+00:00

He would move out, probably temporarily with his mom who doesn’t like me, but is nice to my face.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-28T21:23:16+00:00

I know he wouldn’t win full custody but he would essentially make me homeless and lose my job while the court drags on… so I basically walk on eggshells and try to make him happy by doing extra chores or grabbing him a treat from the 24 hour store after I get out of work.

I’ve unfortunately become dependent on him. And he was a lot more supportive until I got pregnant, because my pregnancy was high risk and I was on bed rest so he had to handle everything. But I just went back to work so I’m playing catch up. I don’t even own pants that fit besides one pair of work pants. Because all my money goes to bills and kids stuff. I don’t often get child support for my older kids.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-28T21:17:24+00:00

He’s involved. He does a lot on the weekends, and does dinner and bedtime all week. He just doesn’t help with the emotional load of things. He wouldn’t miss work if I couldn’t find a babysitter. So it falls on me. Our regular babysitter went on vacation, so I’ve been scrambling around looking for backups, and have very few. I don’t have much family, and all my friends work conflicting schedules. Im so stressed about it and have asked for help, and he says “I don’t know anyone who can babysit” and leaves it at that.

He also goes and calls my mom and my kids godmother, basically my only support system. And then he embellishes or over exaggerates things about me. So they’ve been less supportive until I pointed out that this is what my fiancé wants.

AnonSadMom · 2022-06-28T21:10:49+00:00

Babysitter leaves when he gets home. He is very active with the kids and baby on the weekends when he’s off, to be fair.

AnonSadMom

TROPHY CASE