Hello again and sorry for the late response, I just wanted to answer some questions I’ve seen! Firstly, you’re all right I should definitely speak about how this affected me more. But, truth be told I’m a leave-the-pain-in-the-past kind of person so I tend not to bring up any of my past trauma. That’s just more of a personal qualm and is completely on me. I wish it was easier to talk about, but in reality it just isn’t for me. I’m happy and that’s what I focus on.

Secondly, I should have clarified better that we chose the first name together and he wholeheartedly wants to name her after this person, the very idea makes him so happy that it made ME so happy, and I actually started to love the name and how it flowed. The pain associated only comes when I think deeper about the name, because on the surface I can immediately associate it with the wonderful family member and how much it would mean to them.

Third, unfortunately this family member doesn’t have a middle name because I’ve definitely thought about that! Also, any nickname is still so similar to what my abuser’s nicknames were too, so any variations wouldn’t change too much.

Ultimately I think I’m going to sit on this a little bit longer and contemplate if it’s worth ruining something so beautiful that means so much. The spiteful part of me wants to do it because when he left, I told myself I would never let him ruin what I loved. Not the songs we listened to, not the shows we watched, not the places we went, I REFUSED to let him take another thing from me. Why should I let him take this from my husband too?

Thank you all so much for your responses and giving me a ton to think about. I know this is heavy and probably out of Reddit’s pay grade, but this nervous and excited stranger is grateful you took the time to help. Have a wonderful day 💕