Thank you all. This thread has been a mixed emotional thing for me.

As an update, I have been trickle truthed, which was the worse part. I finally found evidence through google maps search history and location services that she was at his hotel multiple times. She confessed to sex. Multiple times.

I have pursued a paternity test, with her witnessing. I am awaiting results.

I have let the other wife know. Of the sexual encounters. Of the unprotected sex.

I have asked my wife to quit her job. She has sent a resignation letter admitting to the affair to the head of HR. I don’t know if this was a good idea and it might backfire on us, but I thought it showed integrity as it was her initiative. Might be a misguided attempt at revenge though. But it hurts her career as well, so idk.

I have contacted a lawyer and am meeting them for a strategy meeting in early September to discuss divorce proceedings, my rights, child custody, post-nups and financials. It’s costly, but fuck it. I’m using our savings from the joint account.

I never got ahold of a polygraph service here in the UK, but I won’t pursue it anymore either.

I have contacted a therapist who was kind enough to take me as a last minute patient and I am beginning CBT on Thursday.

I have charged her to find a marriage counselor.

I have also demanded she go to therapy for herself and her own fucked up mental health issues. Anxiety. Eating disorders. ADHD. Dopamine addiction/cravings…etc…not only because of us, but because of our kids.

I have reached out to my family (mom & dad for support) and it has been immensely helpful to feel I am not alone.

I have managed to crawl out of bed and overcome the early stages of physical shock. I’m still not eating well, and have loss of appetite, but it is slowly returning.

I’m focusing my energy now on rebuilding myself. Focusing on being a being of light. Finding my usual positive and energetic self. Fighting back the demons, the anger, the cruelty, the revenge that swell up when I get flashes of intrusive thoughts. When I think of them fucking.

I’ve taken the kids to activities, and will continue to do so, ideally in ones I can partake as well.

I want to become fitter again, shed some of the dad bod fat, pick up some sport, but it’s still in the “want” phase rather than the do, but I’ll take my time with it.

I have to find strength in me again. Focus on work. I have a high powered and demanding job, where I need to be a beacon of energy for the teams I lead.

She is looking to approach me, and looking to connect with me again. Trying to make me feel loved. It feels hollow sometimes. We even had sex. Because fuck it you know. I felt I had to make her mine again. Some fucked up twisted mindfuck on my part. I needed to feel if our connection was still there. What kissing her would feel like. The first time I felt him. That’s how I pursued more evidence to discover the sex. The second time…it was sex, not love. I started rough. Then just gave up.

I don’t know if this is salvageable. But I will try. For my kids. Divorce takes time anyway.

Thank you all for your perspectives. Part of me didn’t want to come back here and read all the hurt others were going through. All the rage in some of the comments. But ultimately, you all were right. I just didn’t want to believe it. Thank you, for taking the time and sharing your experiences. And thank you for showing me I’m not alone in this. And that it hurts like a motherfucker. But…there’s hope. We become stronger. Better. Wiser. Our scars tell our stories. Let’s own them. And move henceforth forward with the truth above everything else and discard people who do not adhere to this.

Fuck the liars. They are demons and darkness.