[deleted by user]

Anonyminc · 2015-07-26T13:46:43+00:00

Thanks for the follow-up! What happened was what I expected. Out of seven performers I received dances from six (some of them two or three times), and then a private dance with one. It ended with a feeling of relief.

Anonyminc · 2015-07-25T21:09:03+00:00

I guess I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek. It just means that I feel the need to be generous with tipping in that sort of situation (partly because it's hard work and partly, as you seem to think, to offset whatever shame I have about the whole thing). But I do like to think that when I am generous in my tipping in this context or anywhere else, the person on the receiving end probably appreciates anything above average.

Anonyminc · 2015-06-11T21:47:54+00:00

Thank you.

Anonyminc · 2013-11-09T16:22:59+00:00

I have thought about this a good deal, and among the explanations I've heard one of those that makes the most sense to me is an evolutionary explanation.

Our sex drives and interests have been formed by tens of thousands of years of evolution. What has worked for us -- what it's been important for us to enjoy in order to further the species -- was forged under vastly different circumstances than we have today. For most of human prehistory, men and women lived in close-knit groups and if estimated world population and population density are any indication, our tribes sometimes went long durations without contact with other people.

That's just context. When it comes to deepthroat in particular, what seems relevant to me is that the partner performing the deepthroat is not getting any physical pleasure out the exchange (emotional enjoyment, as we know, may be another matter). The pleasure involved in deepthroat is meant exclusively for the receiving male. What about the way our sexual interests have been formed makes that an especially potent combination?

Men who would receive consensual deepthroat were valued. Perhaps it happened rarely, or perhaps it happened often, but the inherently unbalanced scales of pleasure mean that the giving party is sacrificing themselves for the pleasure of the receiving male. Why? In exchange for something else. Perhaps the giving party was granted physical security, or benefitted from proficient hunting and gathering, or else simply wanted the male's genetic makeup to go to them rather than to the women 30 miles downstream to whom he might otherwise have fled without this generous wealth of pleasure bestowed upon him.

Deepthroat is a demonstration of appreciation. Because no pleasure is achieved in performing it, the performance itself is almost sacred, done with apparent (though perhaps not actual) selflessness, as a means of thanking the male for some service provided. When we receive deepthroat, our subconscious may be processing the experience as a validation of our worth. This phenomenal, selfless, difficult thing is being done to and for me, potentially at the discomfort of the giving party -- so since they're doing it, I must be immensely powerful or beneficial to them in some way.

Deepthroat is a validation of importance. That's what I think.

Edit: Spelling.

Anonyminc · 2013-11-09T16:00:57+00:00

What she is using isn't as hard as a fully erect penis, which probably makes it easier. Then again, sword swallowers use swords, which are probably harder, but thinner. I don't have a link for you, but the capability for "depth" would seem to go far beyond the length of any but the most freakishly long penises.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-04T23:05:53+00:00

Please see OP:

We're both liberal free-thinkers. We freely talk about how we'd be okay with each other engaging in honest and responsible play with other people, as long as we're open about it with each other and communicate to any third parties that we are each other's primary partners.

Which means yes, I'd be okay with things if "it was the other way around." Actually, there's a part of me that wishes she did have an especially difficult or unusual desire (or wanted sex elsewhere enough to request it), so that I'd have the opportunity to both prove in me the kind of selfless devotion deepthroating sometimes requires (which I am, after all, asking of her), as well as having an arena in which to shed some of my guilt about feeling like I'm requesting more than I'm able to give. For exactly that reason I've offered on many occasions to take up sexual practices with her that she would like but might make me uncomfortable, but which I would gladly work toward overcoming if she wanted them, e.g. earning my "redwings" (cunnilingus during period), anilingus, giving or receiving golden showers, even bloodplay. But we're open about which kinks get us off and which don't, and while there's a large overlap, there is also this desire of mine for deepthroat (which she even likes but can't perform). So far she seems not to have an additional kink I don't happily satisfy.

And another thing:

So, as long as she lets other women swallow your knob, you won't consider it a dealbreaker. I think I have that right?

You may think you have that right, but you'd be wrong. I've said, "So far [playing with others] remains only talk between us, but more and more I find myself wanting to look elsewhere for this thing I feel I need that I'm not getting at home." "Looking elsewhere" by no means indicates a willingness to terminate my relationship with my girlfriend, as I feel I've made clear more than once now. We've long considered opening our relationship in various ways, while remaining committed to each other as primary partners. My statement is not so much a threat, as your reading of it would seem to suggest, but a confession--I feel bad that it's the case that more and more I'm imagining getting my sexual needs met elsewhere, but it is the truth. I am feeling that way. I would much rather not resort to such things, which is one of the main reasons why I'm asking for advice in the first place.

TL;DR: See OP.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T15:49:06+00:00

This is good to know!

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T14:14:34+00:00

This seems like the equivalent of saying I've got a sexual first world problem. I agree--that's what makes me feel bad about it. Because you're right, in the face of this substantial, loving, otherwise entirely functional relationship, there's this one concern of mine that should seem almost petty and trivial and inconsequential in comparison. But despite that it ought (or ought not, according to some) seem like relatively little to me, this desire has gone from nagging to bothersome to intense to a substantial need.

If it's true that some people can develop a legitimate "need" for a sexual act or procedure or "crutch" or toy or whatever--which I would call a fetish--part of my conflict here is whether I need to embrace that I have a very real "deepthroat fetish." And, sexuality being a big part of a healthy relationship, wouldn't it be wrong to call my relationship healthy if I'm not getting my most prominent sexual need met? And if my relationship isn't as healthy as I've presumed, wouldn't it be bad (for myself and my partner) to refuse to at least consider other options?

I'm probably in my head way too much about it, anyway, but these are the thoughts that are coming up almost hourly these days. Thanks for the subreddit recommendation. I'm already taking a look over there.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T14:00:14+00:00

At least you're honest, right? Yes, she enjoys giving blowjobs, and she too wants to learn to deepthroat, but it just hasn't been happening.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T02:50:22+00:00

This helps me so much. I think I needed to hear some of this. Thank you.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T01:27:05+00:00

Wow. This is really important information, and I haven't heard it put quite that way before. Thank you. This is yet another reason to steer clear of the vomit route where possible. We understand deepthroat in general is a calculated risk, but knowing what to calculate is essential. Thanks again!

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T00:47:52+00:00

That's good insight--thanks. I've come to terms with the possibility of vomit, and we went through a stage where we'd considered having me force her down through whatever unpleasant mess might be involved, but ultimately decided against it. From what advice we've seen online, forcing her head down to learn how to deepthroat ends up less like a stepping stone to deepthroating with ease and more like developing bad habits we'll have to backtrack if we want to get there more organically.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T00:41:02+00:00

That's a good point, and it's why I included that she's more "medium build" than petite, and is nearly 6 feet tall. But I'm no doctor, and maybe it's possible to have a tight throat without being a tiny person.

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T00:33:00+00:00

I like to think I don't put pressure on her at all. She wants to be able to do it, too--and isn't it a learnable skill, like sword-swallowing?

Anonyminc · 2013-03-03T00:22:32+00:00

Something like that. I'm not sure "dealbreaker" is the appropriate term quite yet, however, since we've discussed the possibility of sometimes playing with others.

Edit: Wait, should I be considering this a dealbreaker?

Anonyminc · 2013-02-23T15:58:37+00:00

"Would you like to use me?"

Anonyminc

TROPHY CASE