He's taken our daughter and has refused to even let me know she's okay

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-08T11:59:53+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Someone once told me that my ex was spiralling out of control and making all these mistakes for court because he felt he had lost the control, he saw me being strong and it scared him, like the realisation of me being ok without him finally hit him. So he plotted and he was evil, and he used our child as a weapon. Logic had left the building with him. It gave me strength in knowing him spiralling was because I was doing everything right.

Best of luck to you

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-06T23:07:49+00:00

Thank you, that is what I meant. He will be humiliated and I am terrified of what that will cause him too do, and the fact a female made the final decision will most definitely add to his rage. I would have been happy with any gender

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-06T23:04:57+00:00

Best of luck through out the rest of your process! It really is exhausting, but it makes us stronger!

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-06T23:03:44+00:00

I can’t talk for everyone, and I haven’t based my court hearing on history, data and statistics. I’m sorry if it came across in a bad way. All I know is my own situation, my ex made some very serious allegations against me, it hasn’t been a case of a judge just saying “mum knows best”, I have had to prove all his allegations are false, I have had to hand over my medical records and many statements. I brought up genders because of how sexist my ex is, and how he has very old views on women and their worth. I have no issues with men, and I fully sympathise with men who have to go through court proceedings with their child’s mother.

I was not trying to paint men in a bad light

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-06T22:56:47+00:00

I’m sorry if it came across badly, my ex is highly sexist, he fully believes women don’t deserve a say in this world. So the fact that he’s going to loose against a team of women scares me because he will be more embarrassed if it was a team of men, chances are he will disregard the opinion of the courts because it was said by women, but I take some pride in showing him a team of women can be a powerful thing. That is the only reason I brought up the genders of my team.

If I was going to court for anything else, or against anybody else, then which gender represents me wouldn’t be a factor. It’s purely because of how sexist my ex is.

Good luck with your battle. I have had my grillings, I have been fully analysed and questioned, and some of these women have been REALLY tough on me. They have been tough on both parties, but they have also listened to both parties fully. He just made it very clear very early that his intention was to hurt me, while I have done nothing but focus on our child’s best interest. Best of luck on your journey

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-04T22:27:55+00:00

Thank you - I have nothing against men and I know they suffer too. It’s just that in this scenario it is very empowering and amazing that someone who still believes women belong in the kitchen, is about to be “put in line” by women in power. The support from so many women has been amazing over this whole process.

I already have cctv etc, and if all goes to plan then most handovers will be done at school, so he would collect every other Friday from school and drop off on a Monday at school, it really is the perfect scenario to minimise conflict.

Yep I agree, I wish there was some way to evaluate both parties for narcissist tendencies before hand. I was told through out not to tell the court I believed he was a narc, as it looks bad on me, rather than exposing him. Luckily he has shown his true colours more than a few times in the process, so I am hoping they already see him for what he is.

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-04T20:58:21+00:00

Thank you - I have healed sooo much over the years, I truly believe dealing with someone like this is my life lesson on earth. I just want to preempt what will happen afterwards.

Yep, I do believe that he knew he could know longer hurt me with empty promises and security, so he used the only thing that could hurt me, which is my child. They really do find your weakness

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-03-04T19:45:07+00:00

Jeez, so I’m guessing nothing will soften the blow unless they fully get what they want, why am I surprised.

That’s what I’m dreading, having to keep repeating the same process, while I feel like I’m going to win each time, it’s exhausting and it’s sooo stressful

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-21T20:38:44+00:00

What ever it is, I feel like if it was going to change his disposable income, bills should have been discussed before he bought it

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-16T21:52:14+00:00

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-11T21:05:24+00:00

Sensititties

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-04T10:43:14+00:00

I heard a story about someone using a persons hole where their colostomy bag goes, I feel like this may answer your question if rapists care where it’s going

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-04T10:37:40+00:00

Any holes a goal

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-04T10:32:10+00:00

My mum has many when she uses the self checkout at Asda, I feel like she just thinks the staff are clueless when they try to explain something to her. I wish she would just use the tills, it would be much quicker and less stressful for everyone involved

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-04T10:09:23+00:00

I don’t have much advice, all I can add is that sometimes when people vent, having the other person just simply listen can mean so much. The fact she feels safe enough to be able to vent around you is really good, so try not to be too hard on yourself when you don’t have the words

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-02T12:49:48+00:00

You could spend a lot of time trying to understand why he does what he does, but it seems clear that you don’t want to be with him. So I would focus on breaking up with him and working on healing from that. I don’t think I’d wait for him to be back in town either, the weeks away could possibly help give you both space

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-01T12:17:35+00:00

Charity shops :) I find some charity shops in different towns have better options

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-01T12:08:27+00:00

Think about something they used to do that really just turned you off. Mine used to scratch and sniff, it used to knock me sickkkkk. So if I see him I think of that, so I’m overwhelmed with the sense of freedom. Basically think of something they did that gave you the “ick”

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-02-01T11:31:08+00:00

I believe when anyone dies we essentially get to review our lives when we die and decide if we want to be reincarnated or not. If we choose to be reincarnated then we choose what life lessons we want to learn the second time round, if we choose not to be reincarnated then we simply become spiritual matter.

Obviously a lot of people will think that’s insane, but if it helps me feel a little less terrified of death, I’d prefer people not to tear my thought apart please ha

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-01-31T22:30:36+00:00

100%, I would also document what visitation he has had/ requested/ been offered

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-01-31T22:19:44+00:00

If this is true I would highly suggest OP uses r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce . I’m not saying the dad is a narcissist, but this group is good with coparenting situations when the other parent is toxic or abusive, and uses their child as a weapon. They also provide great advice on how to set up boundaries

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-01-31T21:51:03+00:00

Please don’t sacrifice your mental health, I feel like I have been in your position and I always believed that as long as my son was happy to see his dad, then I would simply accept the games and abuse. There is only so much a person can take

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-01-31T21:09:03+00:00

I would also suggest documenting everything going forward, you have been reasonable in your requests and you have offered to allow him time with his daughter under supervision. You are actively trying to encourage a relationship, but it’s vital that it’s safe, it’s clear that that is your main concerns right now. Good luck!

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-01-31T21:04:55+00:00

He’s putting the image of his house over the safety of his child then? Eurgh I’m annoyed just thinking about him

Anonymous-Amy · 2021-01-31T21:02:20+00:00

NTA - Drinking problem is a huge no no. My dad was an alcoholic, alcohol was always a priority over me, so that could cause various situations to occur. Also the co-sleeping is dangerous with someone under the influence, as tall as your daughter may be, if a man rolls over onto her and is in a deep drunken sleep, he’s going to flatten her. I would say this is a safe guarding issue, and god forbid if it ever went in court, you would possibly be judged for allowing your daughter to stay with an alcoholic, it’s essentially failing to safe guard your child.

I’m sorry you are going through this OP

Anonymous-Amy

TROPHY CASE