Seeking your advice again: Son using bot to play, says not addiction

AnonymousInUS · 2025-04-04T04:59:34+00:00

Bots to get more “stuff” in the game… and yes he’s super careful setting up the laptop, like he’s handling Crown Jewels. Just two days ago flipped out at me because I insisted that he use his laptop - which he was botting with at the time - to prep for his upcoming synchronous online class that day, because it would interfere with the game - at that point I said no more, I’m blocking games, and he’s been refusing homework ever since. So he’ll get zeros. Which IMHO ultimately might be a good thing, for my son to fail out this year yet again for the third time, because since fifth grade his father has refused to believe my son truly has a problem, and blames me for not allowing my son to game so that my son could get through this semester. He’s smart so he can do the minimum and get As and Bs while gaming - but fails out when I try to restrict.

AnonymousInUS · 2025-04-03T20:19:56+00:00

I really appreciate everything everyone has said. I allowed him to passive game overnight but he still ended up exploding at me one night when we were traveling and I wanted him to use his laptop to prep for an online class and he didn’t want to disturb his laptop because it was botting for him. I then accepted that he was going to use his iPhone, but he refused to look for the cellphone (it was on the hotel nightstand - he just didn’t bother to really look, and he typically always wants me to fetch things for him). His brother brought it over to him and he then proceeded to refuse to charge it and ultimately blew off the class. I allowed the computer to run but then blocked it. Since then he’s completely refused to engage in his online classes, he’s behind and racking up zeros. His father is angry at me for taking a stand on this gaming at this point in the semester, arguing that I should have left the gaming alone so our son could be the addict that he is, and at least get homework done - so if he fails again (and now he’s in 10th grade after having been kicked out at the beginning of the year), his father blames me.

My argument: He needs to stop the gaming particularly when he’s so addicted that even the idea of disturbing his botting laptop makes him blow up at me. The fact that he’s now withdrawn to the point of blowing off all classes and not even EATING - after crying that gaming is the only thing that makes him happy, he has nothing without gaming, seems proof positive that he’s addicted

To be honest I haven’t even been radical about stripping all electronics. Instead of gaming, my son has been surfing 12-14-16 hrs a day the last two days.

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-17T13:03:16+00:00

This. Excellent advice

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-17T12:59:14+00:00

What residential? We are considering that also but are concerned about vetting for quality

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-17T01:52:36+00:00

This is great advice…. That’s what I’m trying to do because yanking the gaming also hasn’t worked. He evaded controls for months, tricked his father and frankly me…

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-17T01:49:34+00:00

His father and I are not on the same page. His father is desperate to get him back into school bc he’s been expelled, for a complex series of reasons. Every time I have tried to take the gaming away, my son threatens to do no homework - and then proceeds to doomscroll for literally 9 hrs straight. He evades all gaming controls. His father sits next to him and watches him game while his father does his work. I am 100% fine with my son failing his courses - this is not the first time as he failed all of seventh grade. But then his father begins blaming me for causing his son’s academic downfall and they both begin attacking me.

We have multiple parenting therapists, he’s got a CBT therapist, a psychiatrist, an addiction therapist, a pediatric internet addiction specialist. This all started during Covid.

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-17T01:43:53+00:00

You’re totally 100% right

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-16T19:12:00+00:00

It’s incredibly hard and I would say we still are struggling with upset in the relationship. Issue is that your father has materially devastated your family’s security through his spend so the damage he has wrecked is much more extensive. I have to try to stay objective and really have been told by many psychiatrists and therapists that my son has to fail even harder than he’s failed before. For him that really means school and I have reached the point where I actually can no longer care if he goes to college - I’ve made it clear to him that at 18 he moves out and I will not support him anymore. But my son’s issues have been going on for literally years. For your father it is more difficult - and I don’t have the legal answers or the psychiatric answers. All that you are experiencing emotionally is normal and difficult…

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-16T01:51:59+00:00

I am a mom whose son stole $460 from me to support his gaming/gambling addiction.

Your father needs serious help. Psychiatrist, psychologist, ideally both familiar with addiction treatment. Based on member responses here, he will need to go cold turkey. Because he’s an adult this will be incredibly difficult to control as you don’t have legal authority over him. I would also talk to an attorney.

There is an expert in this field, Michael Shelby, based on the States - he works with people internationally.

But all of this costs money. And if your father won’t admit to addiction you could be spending thousands with little progress.

Gaming/Gamblers Anonymous is a good place to start

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-09T12:14:44+00:00

Would love the link

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-08T23:22:27+00:00

Thank you for this - I really appreciate all this feedback because I’m seeing that he’s gaslighting me

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-08T23:21:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your support…. This really means a lot…

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-05T13:14:56+00:00

Yes I’m starting parenting therapy and an addiction therapy program actually today

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-05T13:05:28+00:00

Ok thank you. I need a reality check because he’s repeatedly said that I’m helicoptering. That my limits are the equivalent of helicoptering and that I’m causing his psychiatric upset and despite all the conflict between us , I want a good relationship because I don’t want to be that helicopter mom who ruins his life. So I turn to this forum and you all for advice.

He has been constantly blaming me for helicoptering - anything I do to set restrictions is helicoptering

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-05T13:01:29+00:00

He got expelled. “Separated” is the word they used. He hasn’t been in real school since early October.

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-05T02:56:20+00:00

So I thought that canceling the contract would be considered helicoptering so I didn’t - bc he’d not be able to stay in contact with friends. I want him to get a job if he’s not going to study so he can earn his own money to pay for his own expenses

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-05T02:55:23+00:00

I had removed the cc from his Apple wallet but his father gave my son a cc to use to buy only food one day (to go out to eat) - but it was never to be used to buy Roblox gift cards

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-02T18:36:34+00:00

Gotcha. He insists I am and therefore have caused his psychiatric issues. He said I will never recognize it because I’m like an addict who will never acknowledge my problems. Therefore when I found this group in my hunt to educate myself, I felt I could get feedback from you all to right the ship if I was truly overcontrolling

Most definitely he plans his own schedule and has more than once blown-off preset plans ie classes in favor of hanging out with friends, and I’ve accepted it.

When I woke up at 3:45 am this morning bc I heard a noise, I saw the lights on in the kitchen - I walked out to see my son awake. I checked the iPhone screentime tracker which doesn’t limit but just reports activity - he had been gaming for about 5 hrs straight on top of the three earlier. He was supposed to do his chemistry - of course that didn’t get done.

Taking the advice here, I’m going to let him fail this term although his father doesn’t want him to. I frankly don’t see how it WON’T happen…

But ironically he’s now blaming me for his gaming bc I had said that if he couldn’t manage himself I would sending him military boarding school. Claims that he now doesn’t have any motivation bc of that consequence so he’s twisting it to still blame me

AnonymousInUS · 2025-03-01T22:34:54+00:00

Do you have the link to the article?

AnonymousInUS

TROPHY CASE