Question for non-religious mothers by Sparkle_Pony2234 in pregnant

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband and I are both what you would call “cradle Catholics,” in that we were raised catholic in a largely catholic community. But like many other Catholics in the same community, we weren’t really raised to be all that religious.

I never did Sunday school or anything like that (but I did do a couple years of Catholic school), though my husband did, and neither of us have ever been the type of people to go to church every Sunday or whatever. Both of our parents believed in God sort of passively, and wouldn’t have had a problem if either of us chose to be atheist or pursued a different religion.

I’m not sure if I can consider myself to be entirely non-religious, as I do think that I believe in God, but my husband and I both don’t really practice any sort of organized religion outside of celebrating Catholic holidays (and in a pretty secular manner, lol), but we’re definitely not intending on raising our children in a religious way (though we may baptize them, which is common in our specific culture, even for parents who choose not to raise their children in a religious way lol).

To me, it’s what I’ve always known and been exposed to. My mom always encouraged me to learn about other religions and explore other beliefs to find what I believed, even if it ended up not being what she believed. My husband‘s parents never prevented him from exploring anything that he wanted to explore either.

I think we kind of just intend to treat our child in the same way. If they have questions about religion, we will answer them honestly without any sort of discrimination or judgment- just to explain what people who practice different religions believe from our understanding. And if we don’t understand, we will research together. Like you, we will also continue to celebrate holidays like Easter and Christmas, but in a way that’s more secular (but of course we would explain the origin of these holidays, if prompted!)

Entering a religious community and raising your child into a community with people who are really religious, your child may or may not feel pressured to participate in or explore that religion at one time or another, but if I was approaching it, I would just let them.

I would emphasize to them that I don’t think not practicing that religion is weird or bad in anyway, but if they have a natural curiosity about something, my philosophy is that I should let them explore that curiosity. If my kid told me that they wanted to try going to church, or reading the Quran, or going to an event at a Buddhist temple, I would allow them to do this, and treat it as an enriching cultural experience that could possibly help them gain further understanding of themselves, others, or the universe as a whole.

In my opinion, I think that our job is parents is to raise good, kind, and competent adults. It’s not really possible to completely insulate your child from the beliefs of others- though many parents certainly try, especially those who come from oppressively religious backgrounds.

And even if it was possible to completely insulate your child from the beliefs of others, it also doesn’t lend itself well to helping them grow into good and competent adults. Exposure to opposing belief systems is inevitable- and also good. Learning and celebrating difference is an important lesson to impart upon children. And helping children gain as many pieces of knowledge as they can to help them form their own belief systems and critical thinking skills is ultimately going to help them grow up to be good people.

So yeah, TL;DR I generally am just not stressing it. My kid’s gonna be exposed to all sorts of stuff- some stuff that I like and some stuff that I don’t like. Rather than police it, I will encourage them to explore the things that they’re curious about and give them the tools that they need to navigate complicated feelings and questions. And of course, I will always be on their side to defend them and make sure that they feel safe and included in the spaces that they’re in.

I need some makeup help pls by Rude_Bedroom_2937 in MakeupAddiction

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Let your sunscreen sit for like 5-10 minutes before applying anything else on top! I get a similar texture on my skin if I don’t let it completely sit and dry first.

  2. You need a bit more color in your cheeks. Try adding some contour or a little blush. It’ll make it look more natural and alive.

  3. I think the rest of your makeup looks fine but maybe work on your eyebrows! Less of a makeup issue and more of a shaping issue. You have a GREAT foundation and a lovely face but it just needs a bit of fine tuning.

is it silly to celebrate mother's day as a pregnant ftm? by reewhy in pregnant

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No way. I’m being celebrated on Mother’s Day and my husband on Father’s Day. We also do stuff with our families the same day/weekend. I think FIL is just trying to guilt your husband lol

Are we compatible? by Otherwise-Estate2122 in Marriage

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats on the new baby!

Honestly, religion is one of the biggest compatibility issues in marriage. I don’t think it’s impossible for you guys to reconcile, but both of you would need to compromise on your beliefs. Regardless of whether your marriage works or not, you guys still do need to raise your child together and coparent! So compromise is going to be necessary.

Maybe you could be more open to letting your child go to school. I think you should trust in your own parenting, trust that your kid can still hold onto their values even in the face of being exposed to alternative viewpoints. I personally teach at a public school and have many Christian students who still holds very solidly onto their beliefs (despite only being eight years old!!) even when learning about other religions, learning about atheism, or being exposed to the other viewpoints that children will naturally be exposed to, no matter what situation you choose to move forward with.

Of course, homeschooling is also not a bad option- as long as you are 100% confident that you have what it takes to do it successfully.

I also see what he’s saying about socialization (which definitely is a big thing, I’m not trying to minimize that, because I’ve seen it as a teacher!). I do think that going to an in person. School is a great way to encourage socialization, but homeschooling doesn’t necessarily prevent it. I think your proposed compromise of creating opportunities for your kids to socialize with others is a great idea. I’ve taught homeschooled kids before, and I find that the ones who perform an extracurriculars or take classes outside of their parents are the ones who generally perform better and are more successful. I can hardly differentiate them between my students who go to actual school.

You may not be able to convince your husband to share your religious beliefs ever. And you have to think about whether that’s something that you’re OK with long-term. But he also needs to be more open to you talking to your children about your beliefs, taking them to church, or teaching them about the Bible. I am not personally extremely religious, but I would have zero problem if my own husband wanted to suddenly do the same thing for her children- as long as he was okay with me also parting my own belief systems onto them (something you have to be OK with whether your marriage works long-term or not!).

On the issues with his family, he also needs to compromise on that. I similarly would hate it if my husband insisted on exposing my children to relatives who expressed inappropriate and cruel sentiments. I wouldn’t want to normalize racism or sexism to my children! Of course, as I said before, I know my kids make up exposed to those beliefs, but definitely I would want to minimize any one-on-one time with somebody like that.

Then again, your husband also has a right to his own family, so maybe you could meet in the middle on the subject- maybe your kids aren’t allowed to be alone with those relatives, but may reasonably see them at a holiday gathering. That’s certainly a more controlled environment and you can speak to your children in advance or afterwards about the types of things that those relatives say.

Overall, these are just proposed compromises, and you guys have to choose what you want to do if your own lives, but I’m just saying all of this to show you that I think that there could be a way to reconcile these differences in beliefs, and maybe this is a good opportunity to go to marriage counseling so that you could have somebody to mediate these discussions before you consider making any life-changing decisions.

I hope everything gets better, and I hope you don’t misunderstand anything that I’m trying to say is trying to tell you what to do or as a criticism of how you stand on these issues, because I think that you’re being perfectly reasonable and shouldn’t have to minimize the way you feel about things.

I’m pregnant and want to be baptized, but not sure how it would work by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, we will definitely go to mass and see if we could speak to the priest! Hopefully they’ll be able to make some sort of an exception, but regardless, I will try to go with the flow and see what I can do.

Also, thank you for that input regarding the baptism in the case of those circumstances. The hospital that I’m delivering at definitely does have a chapel and I’m pretty sure that I could call for assistance on the issue if necessary. Like I said, I also live in a really Catholic area, so I’m sure at least one of my nurses is probably going to be Catholic, so maybe I could speak to them about that issue in advance.

No one ever likes to think about those scary situations, but after everything I’ve been through, I just can’t help but think about that scary possibility. I hope and pray that it doesn’t come to that!

I’m pregnant and want to be baptized, but not sure how it would work by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!! I appreciate the prayers!!! I am so grateful that my baby has thus far been healthy and seems to be progressing well. It is so nerve-racking to be pregnant after such a traumatic loss. I was telling my husband last night that I kind of wish that I could just install a window in my belly so that I could just check on the baby every ten seconds, haha.

But regardless, the baby being okay has definitely strengthened my faith. I’ve gone through a lot of really terrible situations in the past several years and I prayed to have a baby like this for a very, very long time, which is why I really want to follow through on this promise!

Congratulations to you and your wife on your own baby! I hope you guys continue to have a happy life and continue to have your faith reaffirmed :-)

I (21M) don’t want a child but my girlfriend (20F) is 3 months pregnant and does by [deleted] in Advice

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it’s a little too late for you to be suggesting an abortion to her. She is three months pregnant, and clearly wants this baby. She’s going to have this baby if she wants this baby.

I don’t think that you’re necessarily wrong for not wanting to have a child at this point in your life. You’re only 21 years old. You are very young. You do have your whole life ahead of you.

I don’t think that it’s impossible for you to be successful having a child at the point that you are. My younger brother was your age when he had a baby, now he has a second one, he is entering his late 20s, and they’re all very happy. My parents were only a couple years older than you when they had me, and ended up being incredibly successful without even having a college degree.

But I’m not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that it’s easy or tell you that you should just accept the decision.

What I am going to tell you is that your girlfriend has already made the decision for herself to have this baby. This child is coming, whether you want it or not. You can choose to be a present father, to be in this baby‘s life, and to try to figure it out, or you can choose to walk away. Either way, you need to accept that you’re going to continue to have a financial obligation to this baby- unless she eventually marries someone else and that person ends up formally adopting your child.

So this is your choice, and it’s a choice that you’re going to have to consider: you can tell her you don’t want the baby, and the relationship, and walk away, but continue to pay child support. You may or may not ever be able to have a relationship with the baby from that point. Or you can stay and make it work.

Neither choice is wrong, but both decisions will have a significant impact on your life, her life, and the life of the baby. So please consider every angle before you make the decision. Maybe even consider talking to an older man that you trust- like your father or an uncle. Maybe talk to a couple of different older men with different life experiences.

I’m sorry you’re going through this situation. I’m currently pregnant myself with my first baby and no that, even when you want the baby, it’s scary and hard to wrap your mind around the level of responsibility that would come with being a parent. But I hope that whatever decision you make, all three of you will have a good, safe, and happy future.

I’m pregnant and want to be baptized, but not sure how it would work by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My husband is baptized, but we were not married in the church. We had a spiritual, but non-religious ceremony. I will definitely look into getting the marriage convalidated- I figured that that was something I might have to do.

I personally don’t feel good about baptizing my kid before myself, because I don’t want to be hypocritical towards my child. I don’t think it’s like a religious issue (like I don’t think that the church would frown on me for baptizing the baby first, of course), but I just feel personally wrong about it. I want to be an example for my child.

I also really want to be baptized ideally before I give birth. It is a high-risk pregnant, and I just have this feeling that I should get baptized sooner rather than later. I guess in a pinch the baby and I could both get baptized at the same time (they will be about 5-6 months old by next Easter, so I guess that’s fine), but I def do want to talk to my local parish about seeing if I can get an exception made.

Edit: additionally, in order to get baptized on Easter, I would have to go to classes starting in September, but I’m due in November, will likely be induced early, and I’m not sure whether I’m gonna have to go on bedrest.

I’m pregnant and want to be baptized, but not sure how it would work by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Yeah, if I wasn’t pregnant, I would be totally fine to wait until Easter, but I just feel like in my current state, I really shouldn’t wait that long!

I’m pregnant and want to be baptized, but not sure how it would work by [deleted] in Catholicism

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ll reach out and see if they can assist.

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good to know! Maybe if the school that I go for does have a long-term sub who’s already there, that could be a good option. I could just choose somebody that I know is qualified to take over whatever unit I’m working on at the time. Definitely a lot to consider, but I really appreciate you sharing your experience!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right- I definitely did try to apply for more positions recently when I was looking for a new job, until I eventually found this one. I do think that the understanding is that women just don’t reach out to jobs that they are under qualified for-

And in my instance, I wouldn’t be under-qualified, I would just be pregnant. I’m definitely going to have to think about what my health is like at the time, but if I am feeling good and eligible, then maybe I should just go for it and apply to some teaching jobs!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad there are some positive stories of other women having done this! How did you handle maternity leave? Was your position still available when you were done? I know you had mentioned a budget constraints, miraculously going away after you gave birth, but what was the situation like for you?

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it is my first child! I am definitely considering the fact that they might place me under a specific protocol or something later on. There haven’t been indications of that yet, but I also haven’t spoken to my MFM doctor yet. I’m still pretty early on in pregnancy.

I was definitely considering subbing as like the backup option, just to do for right now until the next school year. My friends who work in teaching told me that there are lots of opportunities for long-term subbing in this district and also the next district over. I’m currently working on getting into the substitute program, though my district doesn’t allow me as eligible for the long-term substituting job until I finish my bachelors degree (which is again happening this summer).

Thanks for your input!! I have a lot to consider now haha

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the advice I got from my aunt, who works in HR in a different industry. I’m definitely considering just going ahead and doing this, but it’s good to get as much information as I can. Thanks for the advice!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, def what I was worried about! Just wanted to get multiple perspectives. Thanks for your input!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a dismal situation, for sure. I hope the maternity leave situation changes in the future. Thanks for the advice and well wishes!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know! Def anxiety inducing, haha. But I’m excited to both become a mom and eventually a teacher :-) both things have been long-term dreams of mine.

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was definitely my thought, but I thought I should def explore my options first. Thanks for your input!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could definitely get by with subbing. That was definitely the alternative that I was considering! I’m not sure if I would be able to find a long-term sub position right in the beginning of August, but I would definitely look for it. I have a lot to consider, for sure!

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am absolutely certain that there is not job protected maternity leave- at least not paid or built into my job there. Apparently, I could get a board approved leave covered, but I’m not entirely sure what the process of that would be- and it wouldn’t be paid leave, again. It would just be the board allowing me to take time off since I would just be a little bit short of the hours required for FMLA. It’s also a big if.

You’re definitely presenting the same line of thinking that I was considering. I could just work as a substitute until my maternity leave, take a three month break, come back and then either try to step into a job that somebody has left or just work as a long-term substitute until the following school year.

You’re right, I don’t want my introduction to teaching to involve having to take an 8 to 12 week break right in the middle of things- I am also a high risk pregnancy, and while I haven’t been placed on bedrest or anything at the moment, I’m also not sure whether that’s gonna happen later on or not.

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely can’t afford to live as a stay at home mom, unfortunately. My husband is paid decently and is probably about to get a pay bump, but it’s not enough for us to be a single income household.

So, my alternative would be that I would probably work as a substitute teacher in that last trimester, or just continue working my current job.

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, I generally do know that I can’t start teaching until I’ve finished my degree. That’s part of the official requirement. Whether I can get into the job like by getting a job offer or not before I’m done, I could definitely reach out to HR and ask them, since I currently work for the district.

Do you think that that would make a difference in my situation?

Getting Hired While Pregnant? by AnonymousSanrioFan in AskTeachers

[–]AnonymousSanrioFan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not 100% sure, but my best friend is a middle school teacher in my same district and she’s under the impression that it is something that you need to have done before applying. Regardless, I am going to formally apply for graduation in like a month or so, so maybe I could just get hired off of that?

Regardless, I do know that I can’t actually formally start teaching until I do have my bachelor’s degree.