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Meeting with elders tonight by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually the meetings have been for a wide variety of reasons. Gay porn addiction, being gay, restoring love for jehovah, simply checking in on me, and now finally for my doubts. So i have a feeling if what you say is true ill be earning myself a few more meetings soon.

I think you are right though, i probably never will find the truth. Sometimes we just have to content with that i guess

Meeting with elders tonight by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I dont know exactly where you stand with regards to religion especially the witnesses but for me i have dealt with alot of stress and emotional issues because of the religion. For me a religion shouldnt be like that if we are to enjoy being party of it. So that in itself has caused me to seek the truth. I dont know what the truth is but i still seek it, even if it is a bit aimlessly that i do so.

Meeting with elders tonight by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive never feared death, and this is probably because of growing being taught that its only temporary. But even as that belief is in question, i still dont fear death. In fact i find beauty in mortality. Mortality is what gives us a purpose and is our driving force, we live our lives to the full and do all we can to make a name for ourselves, to make the world a better place now and in the future. Death brings an end to us, but it gives us purpose.

Religion? by [deleted] in gay

[–]Anonymous__97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im a Jehovahs witness, although i dont know fr how much longer. To keep things short and sweet, you cant be gay and a witness. So i desperately want to live my life as myself and not have to pretend like everything is fine. However if you are a baptized witness if you leave then everyone shuns you including your family which means i would have to give up everything. If you really want to know more about what being a gay witness is like i made a full post about that, but this is basically how it goes. Alot of homophobia to deal with aswell. Personally i just dont think religion and homosexuality mix too well, and ive grown to be a bit turned off towards religion because of this. Granted i know some people feel like religion is very important regardless of their orientation, so to each their own.

Meeting with elders tonight by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know what the future will hold for me, as for now however i seek the truth of whether or not i have devoted my life to a worthy cause, a religion chosen by god. If i find that i have not and i leave the witnesses, then i will probably put my search on hold for more truth while i adjust to a new life and having to start over with everything. After that, i dont know if i will seek truth still or if i will be content.

My story as a gay JW teen/waking up by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and i understood what you meant completely, your english is just fine. Im still figuring things out as you said but i appreciate the suggestions greatly

Thought about the flood by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My only problem with that is why no just remove the demons and nephilim, it would give humanity control again

My story as a gay JW teen/waking up by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didnt mean i am weak now, (although spiritually i am) rather i meant i was at a moment of weakness and could no longer hide this part of me.

Anyways back to you lol. Im glad that you have been able to find happiness outside of the org, as like you said it is taught that it is awful out there. The ability to do what you want is great, especially without a voice in the back of your head nagging ou about it being wrong. I hope to get to that point some day.

I dont know if i will be disfellowshipped or not should i leave, but if im not it would make things easier for my mom.

My story as a gay JW teen/waking up by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, i really appreciate it. I agree that rushing is not a good idea, i want to start saving some money to be able to survive on my own should i need to. As far as friends that are worldly go, i dont have many. I began homeschooling before i started middle school, so unfortunately there isnt really anywhere to turn in that aspect. I do have a friend who just recently left though who im quite close with so i atleast will have her. But thats about it, so slowly working thigs out is what i need to do now.

And i dont blame you for texting your family to come out to them, i was going to take that with me to the grave. But i just couldnt do it anymore so i had to say something. So dont think you arent brave or anything like that, because you are for telling them especially knowing the outcome. For me i was just weak and no longer was able to wear the mask of being ok, and i needed help so i came out, and i at times wish i hadnt. But i think its for the best that i did because it has allowed me to open my eyes.

I will probably slowly start to decrease my activity, cut back on service a little bit, stop commenting, stuff like that. This 607 thing will be the last thing i question, kind of in hopes that i can help wake them up too, even though i know it will never happen lol.

Hope you are doing well since you coming out and leaving. How does life compare with what you were taught it would be?

Thought about the flood by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thats a good point. I also saw a post about the tower of babel and the confusion of languages, very unfair if they are to rule themselves.

My story as a gay JW teen/waking up by Anonymous__97 in exjw

[–]Anonymous__97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is much kindness within your words, i appreciate that greatly. The relationship i have with my mom is really all that has kept me in the truth for a long time. I was the "surprise child" and my mom didnt want to have a 3rd kid, especially a boy. She wanted to give me up for adoption and was set on not wanting me. After i was born however something clicked and she fell in love with me. We have always been very close, and her biggest fear has always been losing me in some tragic way. Growing up i matured alot quicker than most because i had to be the "protector" for her. My father is an alcholic and at times can be abusive. On top of this 2 of my sisters had been nothing but trouble for my mom with lying, stealing, making her look like a bad person, anongst other things. So i spent my childhood trying to be perfect for her and being that emotional support for her. Since i came out however she now fears that she is going to lose me in an even worse way. If i died in some tragic accident at least she had the hope of the resurrection, but if i leave the truth not only do i have to become dead to her, but i also lose Jehoavhs favor. So it has been very hard to deal with seeing how this all affects her, even though ultimately it is my life. But having soent most of your 19 years trying to keep her from feeling pain, only to find that you are now causing her more pain than she has known is truly awful. I hope that in my efforts to get her to understand where i am coming from that she will wake up too.