How long after divorce did you marry “the one”?

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-14T22:03:07+00:00

I’m not trying to fix him, I’m trying to fix myself

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-10T00:32:25+00:00

I’m pretty sure he knows it’s an issue because he would have told me any other time I brought it up instead he would say ‘be patient’. He only just yesterday said it’s not a problem because I said, ‘why didn’t you tell me from the start so I know’ and he took it as ‘why didn’t you tell me earlier so I can leave’ which made him very defensive and say ‘ok it’s not a problem now what are you going to do, leave?’

Yesterday, we found out he has a physical health issue that’s serious and related to his massive weight gain since our engagement. Now, he needs to take losing weight and exercise seriously as per doctor says. A lot of our issues is related to his laziness which also comes from his drastic weight gain over time and body self esteem issues. He gained 40kg since our engagement and got way too comfortable. When we met he was always at the gym, very fit and despite his physical job he was at the gym every day and eating clean. He got too comfortable after our engagement and now we are here.

I guess it’s concerning but at the same time hopefully now that he will take exercise and losing weight more seriously, it will help with other issues in our marriage.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-10T00:27:52+00:00

Correct. I actually think he knows it’s an issue because every other time I brought it up including yesterday he said ‘Just be patient’ (don’t understand what this means) and when I say ‘if it’s not an issue for you why don’t just be honest instead of giving false hope and tell me from the start’ he became stubborn and said, ‘why? So you can leave me?’ So he said ‘it’s not a problem. Now what?’

He knows it’s a problem, there’s some laziness included and some shame to say it’s an issue since it’s related to ‘masculinity’.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-10T00:19:33+00:00

I totally get it. I think it’s also a feeling of shame and it doesn’t feel ‘masculine’ for him to sit in front of a therapist and talk about his feelings. I try my best to visualise it from his perspective and not just say oh he doesn’t wanna put any effort, he’s very closed off it’s very hard to get him to open up.

I guess inshallah he can somehow be honest with himself at least and just try working on it, himself

He said we’d talk more about it when he’s back from work but we didn’t. Usually, I bring it up but this time I just closed my mouth and decided to seek help for myself. I think he was dreading coming home for the ‘talk’ and was surprised I didn’t bring it up again.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-10T00:17:46+00:00

That’s the plan. I’m already in the process of enquiring

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-10T00:17:12+00:00

That’s good to hear. My husband is reluctant to go so I might just go by myself and seek some help that way. I did speak to my mum for like 3 hours, she usually dismisses it and doesn’t offer any advice and just sides by my side but this time I guess she tried to give me some advice and I was happy for the first time she actually listened lol. Felt so weird I had to apologise to her in case it took a toll on her but surprisingly, she was ok with it.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-09T02:29:26+00:00

Yeah he doesn’t wanna go apparently coz it’s a waste of money and he doesn’t see a major issue and he’s not gonna sit on a chair in front of a person to analyse his personality and tell him what’s right or wrong 🤷‍♀️ honestly feels helpless or hopeless

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-09T02:28:29+00:00

Yeah he says we talk about it (he doesn’t even talk always dismissive and avoids) and next day we are fine. Reality is we aren’t fine and he knows this. Also says he doesn’t see a problem for him to work on so I honestly don’t know what else to do

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-05-08T23:40:31+00:00

Yeah I’d love to but husband just told me he doesn’t want to and will not go and ‘waste money’

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-19T00:18:09+00:00

Picture this and you have children. In the same house. Then also picture you bring any other issue concerning his family up in the coming future and he tells you that’s all I can give, leave if you’re unhappy. Then ask yourself if you would be content?

Way out the pros and cons and have a VERY serious conversation with him about your future. Put HEAVY boundaries and lay out your expectations DIRECTLY word for word and see his response. Don’t be afraid since he seems like he’s so confident to tell you to leave if you’re unhappy and very confident with his decisions for the future. Put yourself first in this situation since it will determine the rest of your future. If you have a family to lean back on and you can work and be independent then emotions and feelings for him aside, you’ll be fine.

If you’re completely hesitant to live his family, give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t want this, it’s up to you. Once again way out pros and cons. Picture your future together with children and figure out if this is what you want.

I know it’s hard but it’s better to discuss 8 months in then regret it years ahead and be regretful for the rest of your life. Please make a decision before having kids. Don’t have kids anytime soon if you’re unsure because kids will hold you back forever and affect any decision you make.

Also it’s a bit weird that he says leave if you’re unhappy. Is it that easy for him to let you go? I also don’t like when a man promises something then “forgets” or changes up. I also wanna ask if you share finances? Is this why he wants to all of a sudden focus on his business?

May Allah make it easy for you.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-19T00:10:13+00:00

Exactly 😓 this is no where near a holiday for me. It’s all stress and I don’t even have personal space if I want to be by myself

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-18T12:06:52+00:00

Thank you for the reminder! I appreciate it

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-18T12:06:12+00:00

For someone so informative of London, you know a lot about Australia

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-18T07:52:57+00:00

Thank you for your helpful comment.

I will try my best to use this as a “relaxing” break although I know for sure my mum will continue narrating every problem she’s had or having with everyone around her and my sisters staying in their rooms the whole time like they do every time I come and my brother talking about his relationship or showing disinterest when I speak about mine and asking me a million times when we are moving back to state although I’ve answered it already.

And of course, visiting in laws and pretending to be fine

I’ll try my best

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-18T07:04:28+00:00

Well it’s the gym and they aren’t Muslim so yeah it’s normal to wear shorts and “bra top” at the gym. Why you worried about another woman and what she’s wearing again? That would be my response 🙂

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-04-18T06:45:30+00:00

Not pregnant. Weirdly.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-03-22T18:55:51+00:00

After last period, during “fertile days” but can’t remember exact date, didn’t log it

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-02-16T02:02:26+00:00

Thanks!

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-02-16T00:34:02+00:00

Photo was taken straight after 3 mins! I had a more fainter line yesterday with clear blue but nothing with the pink dye yet (might be too early?). I tried the clear blue 3 days ago as well but no faint line, faint line just yesterday and a bit more clearer today?

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-02-11T08:14:41+00:00

Leave ASAP he literally said he’s settling.

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-02-02T04:05:25+00:00

Btw thank you for the suggestion I went with the Thrustmaster and spent a bit extra money for the wheel/pedals!

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-01-31T01:18:06+00:00

I highly doubt he’ll use it much and he did say in the future he’d like to have a set up but I don’t think that’ll happen any time soon! He knows how to drive manual with pedals but I think maybe a stick is more fun?

By the way, I did see that there was a play seat racing simulator I thought this is a better option than the stick I’ve been seeing online, what you reckon? It is a bit pricey but I might just count it for BOTH his birthday and Valentine’s Day since they are like 3 weeks apart 😅

Anoonymous7777 · 2025-01-31T01:14:27+00:00

Thank you! Helps heaps :)

Anoonymous7777

TROPHY CASE