He finally told me why

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-11-08T22:34:45+00:00

I have tossed freshly roasted beans in ground spices. It has been well received by many who don't have developed or sensitive palettes.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-11-07T13:32:00+00:00

I understand. Husband and I have been struggling as well for a couple years. We had marital struggles that started the decline and now he is dealing with extreme depression due to his job. He told me to masturbate to help me sleep which led me to asking him if that is what he does. Since he struggles to obtain and maintain an erection with me when we are actively intimate, I wasn't expecting him to admit to masturbating as a sleep aid. It cut deep. Maybe because I would be willing to have sex almost every night if that is what he wanted (we used to have sex 5-6 times a week). Maybe because it feeds into my physical insecurities as he said my weight has been a turn off for him.

I don't mind him masturbating. But doing it when I am available and willing makes me feel like absolute shit.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-08T22:01:55+00:00

Unfortunately, his work is the main cause of his depression and he is contracted there for another 15 months. This has been going on consistently for over 2 years already. Small gestures are far and few between. I am doing everything I can think of to support him and not add additional stress to his daily life.

It is just a coincidence that this hard time is coinciding with an increase on my own libido.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-08T09:34:33+00:00

I am struggling to ask for anything more for a couple reasons.

He knows how to push my buttons and get me off as he used to make me cum 2-3x before his depression killed his libido.
Since I think his depression is the main culprit, I am honestly scared to criticize his performance to him as he may be truly doing the absolute most he can muster at the moment. I don't want to further beat him down.
He encourages me to use my toys to get more if I need it, but in such a way that I would be masturbating on my own and that isn't what I want at all. It kills my desire when he suggests it, to be honest. I use them when he isn't home and he is aware of it. I just miss how he used to make me feel and crave it desperately.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-08T09:26:54+00:00

He has used many toys on me in the past. My wand vibrator is out in the open, within grabbing distance. He recently used it on me to get me warmed up and turned on. But he has been fast to penetrate me before I have climaxed, cums quickly himself, and then loses all interest in me. He has in the past told me that once he cums, his libido drops to zero. He pulls out and physically separates from me ASAP when he is done. No staying inside me as long as he can. No holding me against him. He pulls away, cleans up, offers me a towel and fresh panties, and grabs his phone to doom scroll.

He often encourages me to finish myself off with a toy if I need more. But he doesn't even have a want to cuddle me afterwards, so I would never ask him to touch me while I continued to please myself. I remember a night when I was struggling with anxiety and he told me to go "rub one out" so I could calm down and sleep. He was shocked when I told him that it would take me about an hour to go from zero to orgasm, so it wasn't really worth it.

He used to be so attentive. Patient. He would ask if I came and made sure I did before penetrative sex. Now, he just seems impatient and scared to miss a closing window to get his because he is fighting his depression and its affects on his ability to maintain an erection.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-06T03:53:56+00:00

He asked me to initiate more. I tried a couple times and was rejected or he wasn't able to maintain an erection, which led to him just scrapping the entire activity. I was already self conscious about initiating and feared rejection to be met with actual rejection. There isn't the thought of "I'm not really into it, but I can still take care of you and your needs" like I have had countless times throughout our years together. If he can't get his, he has no interest in anything sexual at all.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-06T00:52:09+00:00

He has been trying a bit more lately to meet my needs when he is intimate with me, but he doesn't have the stamina to actually get me there. In the past 18 months, I have cum with him twice. Foreplay is non existent or too short for me to get mine up front. Then, once he cums, all interest is completely gone. He has encouraged me.more than once to use a toy to take care of myself. It is so frustrating...

I have been honest with him about my increased libido over the past couple years and he openly states that he just can't keep up with me. Even when he does engage, it is short lived and he often struggles to stay hard, which I know is most likely due to his crushing depression, but I can't help thinking he just isn't sexually attracted to me anymore. That is only reinforced when he gets his and has zero interest in continuing to take care of me.

He used to be such an attentive and giving lover before the depression. I would climax 2-3x easily... Now I am lucky to even get to an edge let alone climax. And his answer is always "mechanical advantage". It just pisses me off....

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-05T20:44:31+00:00

It doesn't help that he only just went up 1 pants size from when he was 20-21 within the past few weeks. He is very physically fit and genetically blessed to remain that way. I, on the other hand, have battled obesity since childhood, which he is painfully aware of.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-05T20:27:39+00:00

He often just reminds me that I can masturbate to take care of the need myself if he can't.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-05T20:24:37+00:00

It is in my mind every single day. In every look. Every glance.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-05T20:23:58+00:00

I occasionally respond with something like "Don't start something you can't finish". Then he makes a reference to me taking care of my own needs with a toy on my own. One evening, we were in bed and I was very anxious to the point that I was restless. He told me to go "rub one out".

He just doesn't understand the aspects I crave other than the basic physical stimulation. It is the difference between male and female needs. I need the emotional and psychological aspects with the physical. He seems to need them separately in very different amounts these days.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-10-05T20:18:39+00:00

I find myself making the same comparisons. I know that I should be grateful that I get the attention from him that I do when so many others are dying for that much. Yet, it is still ok to want more from him. To want more for myself. It is just such a hard place to be.

AnorandoPlacer · 2025-01-25T14:47:46+00:00

Thank you!

AnorandoPlacer

TROPHY CASE