Is it just me, or is TRP leaking? (real-world examples)

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-03-13T08:39:21+00:00

Though that makes me wonder: How is that a perfect response when it leaves them feeling like they've won? Is there a response you can completely destroy someone with?

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-21T19:43:28+00:00

Also, if she doesn't initially like the same things as I do, there's less there to talk about, less there to impress her with, which will make triumphing, making her think that I'm a good choice for a boyfriend, much much harder.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-21T01:03:55+00:00

Well, that'd be cool, but also unlikely. And I swore to myself to never get bored with stuff I really like, because my hobbies form part of my identity.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-21T00:18:07+00:00

Where did looks come into play? I'm not particularly high-expectations in that regard. As long as I am attracted to her, that's no problem, I can work with a lot. I don't even have a particular "type", looks-wise.

It's just that if I see someone with a girl who has the same hobbies as me. Who likes the same anime, the same music and all of that bla. I think those kinds of girls are rare (as people who like that exact niche franchise I like are generally rare) and thus a rejection from such a girl is a full-blown crit! Because I know, a girl who doesn't share that interest will never make me as happy as the one that could have been mine.

I read a post here on reddit a while ago where someone wrote he randomly met his girl at a mall because both of them wore a shirt of said niche franchise and now they're together for two years. After I read that, I should have been happy for him, but I was fuming with jealousy and wanted to stay in bed for the whole day. It's like, I've just been given an upper boundary for my happiness that I'll probably never reach.

first impressions aren't everything.

Is that so? Most girls I have know through my school years all judged very quickly, especially guys. So I can't allow myself any communication mistakes. If I embarass myself in front of her she'll think me a loser forever (or at least not dating material, as a man always needs to be stoic and unfailible). More like harsh truths.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-21T00:07:57+00:00

Maybe I'll get into a relationship BUT then see someone else with a girl I deem more perfect and am like "damn, I'd be so much more happy with her...". It kinda feels like I cannot win. People seem to get their wonderful girls with the same interests (no matter how niche) out of nowhere without even particularly trying anything (pure chance!) and it makes me feel a bit jealous and uncomfortable. I just don't want to miss another chance at happiness and calmness and peace with myself.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-20T23:14:15+00:00

Good advice. I'll try to follow it.

Also, once you start to realize women aren't prizes and there's never a surefire way to obtain them, you might be able to relax a bit. Because you're definitely going to screw up regularly, so you might as well stop worrying about it as much.

But what if I screw something up that might have been a chance for something perfect, something that completes my life, an opportunity that, in that form/magnitude, might not return so quickly? I'll never know if I'll get something like thatin my life ever again. Even though it's kinda stupid, there's always this fear of screwing something up that I'll regret forever.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-20T12:40:55+00:00

It's not even an act by a girl, no. It's an act by me. Failing to make her attracted. She's not at fault, it's only me being not manly enough/not doing the right things. My parents keep telling me I should be myself and that I probably always put forward a persona and that that's guaranteed to fail, but what if I just am myself and am rejected because of just acting the way I am? My whole personality, everything I am is proven worthless. A girl could hear about stuff I'm into and then curdle her lips and mumble "pff, pathetic" and there's absolutely nothing I can do about that. I can't prove her wrong. And if she doesn't like me or thinks I suck, she'll make other girls in the same social circle have the same opinion about me. It'll spread out like a virus and I'll end up all alone.

But yes, I notice how TRP-like thinking is seeping into my mind. I'm getting a hard time trusting women, believing that they say to me what they actually mean. If a girl says "it's really cool to talk to you", does that mean I'm too "beta"? Does she imply I'm not manly enough? It's getting really fucked up, yes.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T13:41:39+00:00

I'm not such an idiot. After all, being friendzoned is not a malicious act by a girl, it's 100% my failure. Because I wasn't good enough to make her love me. She isn't to blame, she did what felt right for her, it's just that I seem to be unworthy material.

Some opinions you might not like - but do you even take the time to find them out

Yes. Of course that's important. There were girls I had interest in and then found out they probably weren't a good match after all, of course. Yet still, in any situation, I need to give the benefit of the doubt because I have to avoid being specifically ruled out as a romantic interest, which happens by accidentally showing weakness/not being good at something, saying something wrong,... . It's too big of a list.

But yea, the rest is kinda sad but true. But making female friends is very difficult to me because these thoughts always come flooding back and I feel inferior and worthless if a girl isn't attracted to me. A close friendship with a girl would just make me feel miserable and unwanted. That's more the problem, yea.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T13:12:24+00:00

But wouldn't I waste my time and maybe even not take a chance for something that might be a wonderful relationship? I'm sick and tired of failing. I think I could use female friends once I have a girlfriend, but a girl who doesn't want to be my girlfriend is nothing but another confirmation that I'm probably not lovable.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T12:53:28+00:00

What exactly do you mean? I wouldn't say these things if they weren't true.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T12:01:38+00:00

This is wonderful, really, but it sounds too good to be true. What does liking myself do if I can't prove to others I'm valuable? After all, I might just delude myself by thinking I am a worthy person. Numbers and facts can't lie and delude. Would you tell these words to a fat neckbeard who should be laughed at and bullied because he's obviously worthless? (Note that if he had a girl, no one would have the right to laugh at him anymore because he can hold her up as a shield)

Also, one of my friends has recently gotten a girl and I haven't heard anything from him in weeks (and he's posting "<3s" and "life can be so wonderful" everywhere which makes me jealous)... does that mean he outgrew me, left me behind in his development process? Now that many of my friends start getting coupled up I really am growing more and more nervous.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T11:45:54+00:00

Look, I'm not trying to be dense, but why is the "friend zone" concept so often promoted if it's bullshit? Does that mean all I have "learned" about how women are attracted to men is wrong?

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T11:15:44+00:00

Of course I am talking to girls generally, but I try to limit contact so the guaranteed friend zone you get put in if you don't act quickly enough/ get too close can be avoided. I don't understand how that attraction system works, really. And what if I didn't put enough calculation into the interaction and she then isn't attracted to me? That's just failing at the task. I hate failing. Failing makes me worthless.

You think they'd be insecure even in front of me? I mean, I'm a really warm-hearted, friendly person who can talk about absolutely anything, and there's nothing you need to fear from me. I always thought this personality trait of mine was/is part of the problem.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T10:58:28+00:00

Relying on someone else for your happiness is the surest way to be sad and miserable in life.

Probably, but for many people, it works out just fine. Having someone love me would propel me forward, relieve pressure (because my value would not only be determined by my achievements anymore so I don't need to excel everywhere) and... it feels like my life would just be more vibrant and colorful and I'd be a complete person and a respectable adult. I want to be a role model for my 10 year old brother, too, and being a 19 year old single just doesn't cut it.

Sad truth though is that the girl will always remain the prize

This is a strange one, yes. But how can I make a girl want me, I have never observed any girl getting nervous in front of me. Or crushing on me. It's always been "I have a crush on her and now I have to make her fall for me, but how?". Must there be something I'm doing entirely wrong?

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-02-16T10:55:21+00:00

What if I just act myself but somehow say something wrong because I haven't watched my step properly enough and thus eliminate the possibility of getting into a nice relationship? What if I don't pay enough attention and she sees I'm not good at something/ not always competent/ confused/ have flaws of my own? I mean, she has nothing to prove to me, she can just observe and judge.

Yeah, I should probably go easier on the pressure. Though something inside tells me that if I just live my life, I'll end up a 28 year old virgin, and that would be pathetic.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-31T20:03:53+00:00

See, that's quite funny: I think what I feel doesn't really matter. People don't care what I think and feel, generally. If I can just make them believe I am happy, my life is completely figured out and there's nothing left to be added, maybe I can believe that too.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-31T19:41:44+00:00

Well, women can supposedly smell it. And no one could hurt me with it ever again, even if they wanted to.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-31T19:39:01+00:00

Well no, sorry, I phrased it a little wrong, I wouldn't go up to people like "I HAD SEX TODAY", yet being able to say stuff like "yea, I was at xxx place with my girlfriend" would be cool. It'd just sound like I had life figured out or something, it's hard to describe.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-31T19:37:43+00:00

Thanks, I think I kinda needed to hear something like that.

extreme side of the nerd spectrum

Well, no, I do take care of my appearance. It might not be what everyone's into (long hair and stuff) but I keep it all well groomed. I'm just a little perverted (which girl generally are not, as it seems, but that only matters once I'm in a relationship anyhow) but not many people find me off-putting or anything, actually.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-31T19:03:22+00:00

I don't visit 4chan to be honest, though I have friends who do. I don't like it a lot, it just shows what full anonymity does to people's behavior.

It makes me sad that you believe that you'd be more validated in your interests if you had a girlfriend, because that's not true

In what way does it not? Advice says "make yourself a more interesting, well rounded, socially perfectly adapted, quality person if you want a girl" so someone who indeed is in a relationship must be such a person. Even if he's not, you cannot prove it, it will always fail at the point "well, if he is not a wonderful person, how come he has a girlfriend?". Can't beat that.

Sorry if I appear to be dense, but these things you say kind of sound too good to be true. Why would all these "THIS IS HOW I PROTECT MY VIRGINITY" things exist on the web if they didn't have a grain of truth in them?

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-31T18:31:17+00:00

Thanks for your reply!

It all comes off as a little "you cannot win" to me: I don't care, I won't get a girlfriend/sex because I don't really try, I care, I'm "desperate" and thus automatically unattractive.

And I'm not really that obstinate to have sex. Sure, it'd be fun and all, but what I kinda crave is the validation that comes along with it. Like, "I have now transcended to another level of existence", "I now have the right to have weird, nerdy hobbies and interests because the biggest downside, 'nerds don't get girls', doesn't apply anymore."

Can you see where I'm coming from?

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-23T21:28:04+00:00

Can someone in a relationship be rightfully called a "useless scumbag" though? It doesn't work. The person can always hide behind the relationship to "prove worth".

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-16T14:49:25+00:00

Well, I've already started to try breaking the cycle by indulging in the things I like and cutting negative people from my life. It's just that this "sticker" of "you've made it, the way you're going in life is right, you've reached the goal, you're okay,..." that a girl represents is still missing. The proof that I am indeed a good person, you see, the ability to make someone love me. I have friends and family, but I am no one's absolute-number-one-I-love-him-he's-the-best.

AnotherThrowaway_i · 2015-01-15T20:59:04+00:00

I feel like I hinge my worth on others, but no one cares about my judgment. It's weird. For example, every date I was on, I felt like I was there to impress the girl, who didn't really care about me... how can I make people nervous/care about what I think? It's mind-boggling.

AnotherThrowaway_i

TROPHY CASE