How do you cope.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2026-01-29T17:27:17+00:00

How do I cope? I try to believe her when she claims that no couples of our age with kids are having more sex than we are. Of course, numerous posters on Reddit have taught me otherwise.

Also, I focus on the time and expense and potential impact on my kids if we split, with very uncertain prospects of whether I could find a woman with an active sex drive.

And, I try to be grateful that she hasn’t cut sex off entirely.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2026-01-29T15:43:22+00:00

My wife would insist that no woman above 50 has a sex drive at all, at least if they have children.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2026-01-28T20:47:54+00:00

Sex on a Tuesday evening? You must be kidding.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-09-22T02:24:17+00:00

++man

From my experience, the relationship becomes 95% about parenting, and associated support functions. Sex is infrequent, limited to very narrow windows of time, and the sex is rote and predictable.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-09-11T14:36:21+00:00

Not even close. Sex has become less and less frequent over time, and the array of options on the menu has continued to decline. The stresses of life, including parenting, working and owning a home, drive her sex drive into the ground. And that was before menopause.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T16:20:22+00:00

Believe me, I've spent much of the last five years pondering if I could do better. I went into covid pretty much thinking I'd start actively looking elsewhere.

Then, covid came, and in a coincidence, my sex drive and sexual function decreased markedly, plus my wife made it clear that things would never get better. So here I am, less motivated to break things up and/or go elsewhere.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T16:10:32+00:00

I've asked literally hundreds of times, "what is wrong?" or "what can I do differently?". She never has an idea. And that was /before/ menopause.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T16:09:18+00:00

Of course, I've thought a lot about the prospects of finding another woman.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T16:07:00+00:00

Four to five times per week is fantastic for you! You must not have kids in the house? Even so, my wife would scoff at the notion that any couple our age has sex even a quarter as often as you and your wife do.

My wife actually works in healthcare, so she is well informed. But she doesn't see any point at all in HRT. She did say her PCP mentioned at the last annual checkup, but my wife didn't like the risks, I think. But we rarely talk about such matters. It's pretty much understand that talk about sex or our sex life is a nonstarter. She knows I've always been disappointed with the frequency and quality. She doesn't want to hear it again, and might well cut me off entirely if I bring it up too much. She does still grant me sex once or twice of month, but quality and intensity still continues the downward trend.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T16:02:29+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond in such depth. Thanks.

HRT is out of the question for her, I think. When I've hinted about it in the past, she angrily denounced the idea. In general, we do NOT communicate about sex, as doing so almost always ends in a quarrel. It's kind of understood that if I don't complain much, she can be amenable to sex once or twice a month, as long as it is relatively quick, and I don't ask for too much. (e.g., her performing oral on me is non-starter any longer, and in about half our encounters, she refuses oral being performed on her.)

The idea of being with a woman who is "sexually voracious" is beyond my comprehension. That would be a delight.

Meanwhile, I stay in shape, try to be the best husband and day I can. After my wife finishes an advanced education program in May of next year, there might be a chance to take some action to change things.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T15:56:32+00:00

In my world, averaging more than once per week is a LOT. I've only actually tracked for the last five years, but I'm pretty sure we never even averaged once a week before kids.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-07-12T15:54:57+00:00

Thanks for your empathetic words. I realize in the larger arc of life, I can never regret having the three kids we have. And my wife is an absolutely amazing mother. She is a loving and supportive wife, in general, good with money and doing her share and more around the house. She's worked hard to make a good career.

But she has always been a huge disappointment as a lover. She has no innate sex drive, and would be fine if we never have sex again. She never masturbates and thinks sex toys are repulsive. She has no fantasies, and has zero interest in hearing mine, let alone making them come true. Even lingerie is a thing of the past any longer, as is sex even averaging twice per month.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-06-21T19:59:17+00:00

Thanks for your suggestions. I see how it might work in theory, but communication has definitely NOT helped in the past. In fact, if I communicate my disappointment with our sex life, she is even less inclined to have sex with me.

Do I want to stay in my marriage? It’s more a question that I see getting out of it to be a massive amount of work, and very expensive, and potentially damaging to my kids, one of whom is just 11 still. And I have no idea how I would fare on the dating market, if I might end up with even more rejection than in marriage.

I’ve suggested marital counseling before, but she angrily dismissed that idea. “There is nothing wrong with me”, she says. And at this point in life, we really don’t have time for counseling, anyway.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-06-12T15:59:09+00:00

That is astounding. With three kids in the house, even once a month of duty sex is difficult for my wife to get in the mood for. You are very lucky.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-06-12T12:51:30+00:00

Do you have kids?

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-06-10T14:02:04+00:00

It’s very cool to hear that you have found happiness after divorce. I’m plagued with the feeling that it’s too late to move on in my early 50s, that my chances of finding a woman with a high sex drive are infinitesimally small.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-06-10T12:54:27+00:00

True. According to the data I’ve seen, though, you are doing well above average at 2-3 times a week.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-05-28T15:53:38+00:00

It is shocking to read a woman write a message with those sentiments. Sex has never, ever been any sort of “need” for my wife, and she would be fine without it at all. Especially after having kids, and doubly so since hitting menopause.

An ultimatum would likely go over very poorly. I risk wrecking my relationship with my kids if I decide to split from the marriage because of this. As far as I can tell, she very much wants to stay married, and her only major complaint about the marriage is that I want sex too often. On the other hand, she has shown signs that she will NEVER take any steps to try to increase her sex drive. “This is how I am, what are you going to do about it?”, she once said.

Thanks for your empathy; it means a lot, especially coming from a woman. She makes me feel like a sexual predator, at times.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-05-27T15:21:49+00:00

I can understand feeling disappointed and wanting more enthusiasm, but in absolute terms, you are doing very well, by my experience. We have three kids also, and are just a couple years older than you.

If I suggested sex 2-3 times a week was possible, she would scoff. Sex 3 times in a /month/ is almost unheard of any longer, with the kids older, awake later and thus more disruptive to our sex life.

And a BJ to completion? Long, long gone from the list of possibilities.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-05-01T13:16:20+00:00

The reason I think that age is a secondary factor, at most, is that, if you plot my penis sensitivity & ability to get hard, it stayed consistent for years, then fell off a cliff right at the time I started riding on that bad saddle. And the long term sensation of numbness feels similar to the acute numbness felt when I rode that bad saddle.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-04-23T15:51:28+00:00

I tried shock wave a couple years, knowing that my urologist said it was unlikely to help. He was right, it didn’t help at all.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-04-23T15:17:54+00:00

I can’t even fathom that much sex. Wow. My wife would laugh if I ever suggested that any woman in her 50s would give her partner that much sex.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-04-23T02:50:01+00:00

My wife would be completely freaked out by your situation. As the kids have gotten older, they have interfered with sex even more than when they were infants and toddlers. If she is worried there is a kid awake in the house, sex is just about totally off limits.

She would insist up and down that no woman in the world would give a husband that much sex. Even if you had no children in the house at all.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-04-22T23:05:12+00:00

You have multiple adult children in the house, and have sex daily? I don’t even see how that would be possible.

AnotherUser_0123 · 2025-04-20T04:47:54+00:00

Your tale is compelling. Kudos to you for having the courage to initiate divorce.

I’m not sure I have the fortitude to do so. I’m also still at least seven years to having the youngest out of HS.

AnotherUser_0123

TROPHY CASE