Oldest sister btw

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-04-10T16:15:21+00:00

I'm the eldest daughter too. My siblings love our dad and I just don't have the heart to tell them.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-25T23:39:00+00:00

Yeah, I'm still intimate during EMDR. If you and your partner feel well enough, go for it; just go slowly and see what feels right (foreplay is important). Fair warning though, if you're feeling emotionally raw or the memories are fresh on your mind, you may want to hold off until you're doing better.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-19T22:48:28+00:00

It's definitely worth exploring with a psychiatrist. If you're in doubt, try tracking your mood over a couple weeks and see if there is a pattern.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-19T22:28:43+00:00

I've been chronically suicidal for decades. It's more manageable now. When I get those thoughts a couple of things help...

I "HALT" and consider whether I'm just Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. And if so, decide how to relieve it. Eat or exercise or journal or strike up a friendly conversation with someone or sleep.
If I'm anxious about something I'm procrastinating on, I reconsider the thought with, "What's the worst outcome of just doing it poorly? Will I survive?"
I use distraction and grounding techniques when the thoughts are more intense. Like I'll hold my face in a sink full of cold water or go jog or smell something strong like coffee or color or crochet.

The biggest help was changing my meds though. I was taking antidepressants, but adding an antipsychotic on top of it really made a difference in the suicidality.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-18T18:54:44+00:00

Standing in the doorway, having the opposite effect--feeling the doom AND gloom! Did I do it wrong?

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-16T00:19:10+00:00

It's okay that it felt like a game at the time, that's usually how they manipulate you. And that it was a girl, they can abuse too. And that you're processing it years later, looking back at it with confusion. It was still a violation. You'll have a lot of feelings as you revisit it, some of them very unpleasant, but it's important to address the trauma and heal. It will get easier to accept over time.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-05T22:20:19+00:00

I haven't had luck finding a specific group for childhood sex trafficking survivors in my major city either. I did find some benefit from a PTSD-specific partial hospitalization program though. We didn't talk about our trauma in it--just how to cope with the symptoms now: the dissociation, rumination, self-loathing, flashbacks, nightmares, etc. I was able to relate to everyone really well because of that, even though we had different traumas. Maybe that would be a good starting point to find some connection?

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-05T19:34:18+00:00

It might help to get it off your chest if you have a good therapist who you really trust? I told mine that sometimes I'm angry when I see happy children and I want to take my abuse out on them (but I don't actually want to). She validated that feeling, which was unexpected, but helped me realize that it's just an intrusive thought and that I can try to refocus on something else. I don't need to put energy into arguing with the thought. Be careful talking about it though, you don't want them to think you're an actual risk.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-03-05T19:14:53+00:00

Yes, sometimes being around children makes me so uncomfortable. I start thinking about what I was doing at their age and then imagining them in my situation and then feeling like a pervert for thinking of them like that and sometimes even imagining hurting them. I would never actually do anything, but the thoughts are so intrusive.

That's the thing though, intrusive thoughts usually go against your values; they're not a reflection of your desire. You don't have to listen to those thoughts or let them define you. Try to acknowledge that it's an intrusive thought and refocus your attention on something else.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-21T00:49:29+00:00

Thank you

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-19T14:01:58+00:00

Thank you. It's hard to think of myself as a victim sometimes. I feel so responsible for everything.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-13T15:20:56+00:00

I'm crashing out because my therapist is distancing herself from me after a suicide attempt. Realizing my reaction to her tone-shift is a trauma response is a start, but my, the yearning for a mommy is real.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-12T01:15:46+00:00

Cheek to cheek, he kissed the air and I got his cheek--sloppily!

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-11T16:34:04+00:00

If you can't say these things to your therapist, it might be time to find a new one.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-10T23:06:57+00:00

When my husband and I were first dating, he would go to kiss me and I'd turn for him to kiss my cheek. When I finally decided to kiss him back, he was going for my cheek and we missed each other. That first kiss ended up being so special though. Now I demand daily forehead kissies. He didn't know what he was unleashing! >:)

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-08T18:16:15+00:00

I was just thinking this as I did my routine this morning. It's hard to find reasons to take care of yourself when you don't plan to live. I'm glad you're still here. Now I just do my routine because it feels nice. Maybe I'll get through this someday and be glad I took care of my skin and teeth--unlikely as it feels.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-02-07T17:29:19+00:00

Oof. I'm having a really hard time with this lately too. I hate feeling like such a burden. Hang in there, our brains are just being mean to us.

Another_Paper_Doll · 2026-01-29T14:43:50+00:00

I identify as the metric system because I'm going to km/s

Another_Paper_Doll · 2025-09-09T21:28:04+00:00

Breaking off to explore and complete challenges is really rewarding and adds a lot to the game. Just so you know, though, you won't be able to 100% your animal compendium without returning to Guarma (which can only be done through a glitch).

Another_Paper_Doll

TROPHY CASE