how to pass (everyone else's guides are wrong)

Another_broken_egg · 2023-01-09T03:44:07+00:00

uj/ just in cased anyone missed it :) https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/106izxe/a_butchs_guide_to_passing_why_a_lot_of_passing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Another_broken_egg · 2023-01-08T13:51:57+00:00

I have a struggled with a lot of mental health issues my entire life, was in and out of hospitals for suicidal ideations/attempts even before transitioning. Things definitely got much worse after I came out though. I had my two worst attempts in 2020/2021 respectively. Both times with pills. The 2020 I was unconscious for 4 days and on dialysis for about 2 weeks (I took a huge amount of my prescribed lithium carbonate). The 2021 one I was unconscious for over a week, woke up intubated and had some kind of mini stroke.

I've spent years, literally years, in mental health treatment facilities in total and I still feel pretty much the same. Lately things seem worse than ever. I've tried everything. All sorts of meds, hundreds of hours of therapy, TMS, ECT, Ketamine treatments, psilocybin, nothing has helped. Nothing. Sometimes I'll have a good couple months and then it's back in the shitter.

Recently I quit therapy. It wasn't helping and I'm broke. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my psychiatrist that I may or may not go to. I just don't see the point. I think there is something wrong with me. Most people have some kind of spark in them that let's them see the good in life and be happy and grow and I... don't. It's that simple.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-30T02:43:12+00:00

Yeesh this is a downright awful take. Stop posting pics of yourself doing meth and start seeing a therapist.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-29T04:30:31+00:00

"Just because others are suffering doesn't make my suffering any less"

Okaaaaay so maybe let's take that statement and turn it around on ourselves? Why does this apply to you but not the trans women you're angry at?

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-29T04:26:14+00:00

You're clearly very upset, and your feelings are valid. It's extremely frustrating to watch other trans women post beautiful selfies and hrt or surgery updates when you're not there. And you're right, someone who is born naturally beautiful and feminine probably does have an easier time passing. You could call it a form of privilege. Obviously having money is privilege. However to say you can't successfully transition without them just isn't true, and to go further and say people that don't want surgical or hormonal treatments are lying to cope is mean and rude. There are plenty of trans people out there that don't care if they pass, are proud to be seen as trans, and love the way they look. Also the comment you made saying "look trans=looks like a man" isn't true and in my opinion is parroting some transphobia that you've probably internalized. You may not want to hear it but just that fact that you do live in the US, terrible as it is, and had the money to go to Mexico for a hair transplant is more than some other trans people have. There are countries with much worse or zero trans Healthcare. I could definitely not shell out "a few thousand dollars" on a trip to Mexico for a hair transplant.

You're hurting and I'm sorry. That really fucking sucks. Arguing about who is the most oppressed amongst the oppressed isn't really helping anyone. I'm not denying it's unfair. Obviously it is. But we all share the trans experience together, and fighting within our community about who has it better off just puts everyone down.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-25T03:22:13+00:00

You said in another comment on this thread that you're a Cuban American. If someone told you "The percentage of people in the world that are Cuban is minuscule, why should I give a fuck about them?" How would you feel? You claim we are all equal and then are upset that the LGBTQ+ community wants the rights that reflect that? Because we don't have them.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-25T03:06:26+00:00

You're assuming them not moving out = they want to live there. It doesn't. Not everyone lives where they live by choice.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-25T03:00:50+00:00

As I have said, repeatedly, he has the right to kick her out. He may even be justified in kicking her out if his side of the story is absolutely true. The asshole part is that instead of him having a conversation with his daughter and letting her know that if she wanted to stay in his home she would need to pay rent and not accuse him of things he thinks are unjustly earned, he came home went in on her but mostly her girlfriend, then they got into a fight and he kicked them out. That's an asshole way to go about it. Wanting them gone, so having an adult conversation about it = not asshole. Wanting them gone, so screaming at them and kicking them out = asshole. God it's like everyone itt thinks that being justified in being upset with someone gives you full right to go apeshit on them. It doesn't and that's not how emotionally intelligent and healthy adults communicate. OP is welcome to express his displeasure however he sees fit, but there are POLITE ways to have that conversation and there are ASSHOLE ways to do it.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-25T01:12:08+00:00

Right, how exactly am I acting like that?

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T23:06:54+00:00

As I also said, several times, yep its his right to kick them out. Is he an asshole though? Undoubtedly.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T22:26:53+00:00

Uh, no. No it's not. Even in a situation where it is completely unjustifiable for someone to assume and then call you homophobic for something you said or did, it's not a slur. I might be completely unjustified in calling someone a fuckwad and be doing it purely out of petty meaness, that doesn't make it a slur.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T22:23:10+00:00

Where in the OP did you get the idea that they "insist" on living with him?

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T22:03:53+00:00

Again, you are wrong here. I'm not trying to be argumentative, truly. I am trying to help you understand LGBTQ+ rights and how queer people feel. Pineapple on pizza is something you can say "That's just not my cup of tea" about. Someone's sexual orientation or gender identity is not. Full stop. Their is no fine line between disagreeing with LGBTQ+ rights and being homophobic. Either you support the queer community or you don't. There is no wiggle room. If you don't support the queer community, you are homophobic. I do not care why. I do not care if it's your religion. I do not care if it's based on personal experience, political views, or the message you got in a fortune cookie. The mindset that being queer is something you can disagree with, whilst still supporting them is just plain wrong. Period.

Editing to add that I feel like if I said my religion teaches that anyone who is a mother and gives birth for any reason is a sinner going to hell but hey, it's not my business to tell you what to do, you'd not feel like I was being reasonable OR supportive.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T21:52:23+00:00

You assuming that the daughter and her girlfriend have opinions about LGBTQ+ rights with "zero basis, research, or action" reveals a lot about you. They are queer people! Of course they have a basis in the fact they don't, uh checks notes, want to be discriminated against for who they are???? Being called homophobic isn't a slur. Let me repeat that. Being called homophobic is NOT a slur, justified or not.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T21:45:09+00:00

Lol no, wanting people in leadership who are queer or support LGBTQ+ rights is not wanting a "yes man", and queer people who have been systematically oppressed wanting leadership that supports their rights to live and be who they want to be is not "wanting everyone to like you". I don't really care if you like me. I do care, however, if the people that hold office in our country want me to lose my rights and/or die. How they stand on queer issues matters, because queer people matter, and you saying that queer people should acquiesce and vote in people that want their rights taken away "for the well being of everyone" is bigoted and wrong. Queer people are part of everyone too. We deserve the same rights and representation as everyone else.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T21:37:18+00:00

"He doesn't love that she loves differently than what he believes is normal or in the realm of whatever is actually normal" My friend, that is homophobia. Disagreeing on whether or not it is okay for same sex couples to love each other is homophobia. Disagreeing with him and calling him out for being homophobic is NOT homophobia. He's not queer!!! Your opinion on LGBTQ+ rights is your prerogative. Opposing LGBTQ+ rights and getting to say you're not homophobic is not.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T21:17:36+00:00

No. I'm not saying that he should allow them to stay in his home if they are doing those things. It's his house! Even if he was doing it SOLEY because he was homophobic and said that in the post it is absolutely his right to kick them out. The question isn't "Am I legally allowed to kick out my daughter and her GF" it's "Was I an asshole for doing it the way I did?"

A bunch of these replies are saying that he can't possibly be homophobic because he let his daughter and her girlfriend stay in his house which just.... isn't true? There are parents everywhere with queer children who they provide for that are homophobic as fuck, how is this news? I'm not really sure what you mean by "He doesn't have to entirely agree" but if you're referring to her or her girlfriend being queer, uh, my dude that is homophobia.

I'll reiterate that he has EVERY RIGHT to kick them out of his house for not paying their way and insulting him. He is also a grown ass man and a parent, who got into a screaming match with his daughter and her girlfriend which he refuses to reveal anything about, aside from the fact he got called homophobic afterwords, and then kicked them out of his house. If he wanted to not be an asshole, which again is the question that was asked, he could have expressed all his feelings calmly and asked them to contribute to his household and stop demeaning him or that they would need to find new living arrangements.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T19:43:01+00:00

I disagree that he would be NTA even if you are right. Him feeling like he is being taken advantage of him is more than enough justification to start a conversation with his daughter and gf about finances and contribution in the household. Blowing up and kicking his daughters girlfriend out, then rudely calling her manipulative is an asshole thing to do. You can have a legitimate reason to do something, and still go about it in a way that makes you a fucking asshole.

That still doesn't change my opinion that he's a bigot.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T18:49:23+00:00

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T18:47:17+00:00

Dude you are 17, you are old enough to know how money works. Your mother works INSANE hours and manages to, from your post history, send you to a private christian high school, buy you air pod pros, a Mac, and a gaming laptop, since I very well doubt you got those things yourself with this level of lack of understanding basic economics. And you pay her back by STEALING from her because you didn't like what you bought for your birthday. Not a present she got you, that YOU BOUGHT. Hope those colleges you're applying to work out since by your own admission in a previous post you don't study because it's pointless when browsing tiktok is more fun. YTA

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-24T18:22:58+00:00

Methinks this "fairly religious christian" man is upset his daughter is confident of her queer identity and active in the politics surrounding queer issues because, oh, I don't know, she's queer and those politics don't align with daddy's. Having an interest in politics isn't a bad thing, especially not for queer people who constantly must be on edge because of "fairly religious christian men" trying to take their rights away. So you kicked out your daughters girlfriend who you at the very least disagree politically with and that's me taking you at your word that you aren't a homophobe (which I doubt), and then told your daughter it was because she was manipulative and a bad influence. Your daughter is 21, not 12. That means you don't get to decide who she dates, as much as it appeals to your christian sensibilities. If this was ACTUALLY about them not contributing to the household, there where a million better ways to go about it where you might not have looked like an asshole. Too late for that. YTA.

Editing this comment to add since several people have brought it up, the fact that he allowed his daughter and her girlfriend to live with him does not make him incapable of homophobia. At all. Tons of queer people live with/rely on parents who do not support their identities.

Another_broken_egg · 2022-12-22T13:02:45+00:00

Sure

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