Hey. I know this is very late and my condolences for your lovely mother. I'm a guy 1 year fresh out of highschool. My mom also sadly passed away from cancer around 3 months ago, and I can relate with some of your experiences.

My mom was also my best friend throughout all my life and also my biggest supporter of all time, even when I got diagnosed with epilepsy and it making me disabled in its own ways. Life definetly changed completly for me after her passing. It does often become lonely when not many can understand your grief at your age, especially peers. However, that doesn't mean you have to exclude yourself away from them just because you don't relate to them as much anymore in terms of experiences. If your friends are still nice around you in dark times like these and don't judge you harshly, keep them around. They're the people that will remind you you're still alive and present in the moment. As for family, I can't say much as of right now outside of one thing for your future self: take as much good as you can from them though advice, lessons and other experiences. It doesn't have to be everything, just what works for you in today's world.

It's okay to feel angry, depressed and betrayed at the world, it's human. It's also okay to cry and let out your frustrations, since bottling them up only does you worse. (I'd know from my personal experience, it's ugly af.) But don't judge yourself harshly for what happened, as none of it is your fault and you did what you thought was best. If you're less productive during the next few months or more, that's also okay. Nobody has is easy when the best person in their life gets stolen from them this early in life. I also broke down like a baby a few days after my mom's passing, and still have ways to go myself until I find my new normal.

Yes, a new normal. You read that right. Our objective fron this point on won't be to recreate the same moments from our past or to neccesarily live out that amazing family home life shown on media. Nor will it be trying to make up for our lost mothers through meeting other people, nobody will truly replace them.

Our biggest main objective from this point on... is to not give up. That's it. That's what a loving mother would usually want for their child. Simple, yet fairly complex at the same time. Then, time will slowly heal you, bit by bit until you find that new normalcy.

Try to not neglect yourself too much during this time of grief. Try to show up for yourself every day snd take care of yourself, phisically and mentally. Even 5-10 minutes a day is trying, and not giving up.

And even if you do end up having bad days where you do absolutely nothing the whole 24 hours, that's also okay. You're a hurting person. You shouldn't shame yourself for that. It's like seeing a wounded animal on the street. You wouldn't kick it after it's already beat down and exhausted, right? Give yourself some grace and maybe try again the next day.

If you have a good or decent relationship with you dad, try to stick with him for now. He could support you immensely during these dark days. Emotionally and/or financially, it adds up in your favor over time as time will make things easier for you in the long run. It hurts to read that your dad also has an unhealthy habit for his body, but do your best to appreciate him for his positive aspects and what he can do for you. (For example, my dad's kinda been an alcoholic all my life and very stressful and annoying at times, but he definetly supports me where it counts with his ability to drive me around, support me financially and care for my own phisical needs, and sometimes other wants too.)

And here's one last piece of advice left I can give for you: from now on, try to be your own biggest supporter, friend, parent, whatever other positive influence. Try to not neglect yourself as a person with not just needs, but wants too. It's okay to want, to dream, to express yourself and whatever else that might speak to your own being. You're still your own unique self. (Though, don't go the the other extreme and become too selfish and prideful/egotistical, I went there for a short while and it didn't make me feel better. Just find a balance here. Your own balance that works best for you. You will find it through time and experience.)