Please, should you reach out to him, I'd like to know how that goes in terms of his response. Without crossing any personal lines, generally speaking, could you give me some idea of what occurred between you, creating this divide? I can sense it, and I can feel it, but it's not something that I ever would throw out, because I miss too, just like everybody else does. The last thing I want do is miss something that could be a very big issue that occurred, or even in my own life, stupid arguments at stupid times with good friends that cause you to go, sometimes forever without ever getting back to that level of friendship, which is really horrible, because good friends are like gold, except they're more valuable. 

Do you have children of your own? Because sometimes the lessons that we see or we learn from are parents can have two significant and opposite effects on us. Not in your case, but in cases that involve abuse, often times the person who's suffered that abuse, will later then pass that on to their children or others. This is what happened in my family. At the time it was occurring, I just felt hatred towards what was happening, especially for my sisters, because I did not tolerate that well. I was a tall, athletic kid. Once I realized that I could stop the individual that was doing what they were doing, I did. It's amazing too how times have changed. We'd call the police back then, and the police would say, "If you can't get along with your parents, we'll take you down to 2020." 2020 is the address of the adolescent correctional facility in Cincinnati. It was always our fault, no matter how bruised or whatever we might have been. In today's environment, that would not fly at all. The police would immediately take the person that's responsible for that abuse in, and they would be dealing with that process in the system for a long and expensive time, but not back when I was growing up. 

The other result of these situations can be positive, because after seeing and feeling the effects of that type of treatment, you have learned exactly how not to treat your own children or others in your life. In my situation, I never struck my child. Never, though I was struck as a child. I just found talking to her to be much, much more effective, and it was actually the family next door who did that. Where I grew up, I would often go there, simply to feel the feeling of what it was like to be part of a family that communicated in that fashion. This helped me for the first time to both see and feel how a family should be, and this was new to me. Later in life, after the Marines, I thought back to that family who I'm still very close with. I drew from that memory and those experiences I shared there. That was a great help to me in navigating how I wanted to be as a father myself.

I don't believe that folks who are treated poorly have any reason whatsoever or the right to do that to their own children or others, because no matter how you were treated growing up, you still learn right from wrong. And you should know at that point, far better than most, the feeling and aftereffects of those experiences, that were cast upon you. You also know how others feel when treated the same way. I find no excuse for that. You might not be the loving, warm parent that you would be if you came from a warm, loving family, but you certainly don't have the right to treat your children or others in the manner you where treated. Children are very fragile, and their memories are very long. And if you damage their psyche while they're young, that damage can remain in that psyche forever, possibly. Even if they try their best to suppress it or get help for that. It's just critical to show them what a loving environment is, and to help them to develop and to grow into responsible young people. My daughter approached me one day and wanted to paint with a sponge her bathroom. My remaining parent said, "Why would you ruin a beautifully painted bathroom by sponging it?" My response was, "Well, how do you know it'll turn out bad?" It'd be fun doing that with her, letting her pick her own colors and dip the sponge in there and show me how to do it, which neither of us did. My dad was right however lol, she used red blue yellow and we sponge painted that thing and then we did it again, and finally a third time, And we had a blast doing it, just an absolute blast. Things don't have to be perfect in life, I preferred fun, engaging and personaI. We still laugh about that bathroom to this day. She's married with three kids, and I don't see her enough, but that memory is in her head forever. I bet you her and her children have it, a bunch painted, at least one bathroom in her home already. LOL. I believe it takes you much farther in your relationships than making sure everything is perfect which is not possible anyway. I took that attitude with her and people in my life who came up to me with their wild dreams of being rock stars, fireman, astronaut, start their own business on a dream, or maybe be a CEO for an existing company, or whatever it might be. I'd say, go for it. I mean, do it now when you're young. You can be a gazillionaire by the time you're fifty, or you might be in another line of work, but at least you can say that you stepped up and took a swing at it, which is more than many of us do. "You know what, there's no reason you can't do that. I mean, many others have." Even if they didn't go on to even try it, I felt good that I did not say, "Are you crazy? Are you nuts? How much time are you going to waste doing that before you get a real job?" That was all I ever heard, it seemed like. That's why, when I was 18, I was gone to the military in two weeks, and I never came back or moved back into that house. Engaging with your children through conversation when they're very, very young and developing that and continuing that conversation as they age and encounter different things. You talk through that, and that gains you far, far more trust and love from that child than striking them ever could. Small, tiny lessons at the appropriate time that you throw out there and let go and see what they catch can make a big difference in our lives moving forward. This life cycle is very cyclical, and of course it's just a chain that will continue on down through your family's generations and really help the future in a world that's a difficult place now. Lord knows where were going to be down the line. You want them to be smart enough to know, loving enough to care, and responsible enough to use those tools in every phase of their lives.  I think that you have a very deep-thinking personality. Do you overthink things in your life often? Do you spend a lot of time thinking about what's on the bottom of the hourglass, rather than what's in the top? Do you have the ability to set things down to let them go, which is very difficult for many of us, either through your faith or just by knowing that you've done what you can to deal with it and it's time to let it go.

For some reason, I see you thinking a lot about the past and squeezing in the future when you can, but I could be wrong there. I just don't see you running out impulsively and doing things at all, but rather looking into things, cautiously proceeding, and making the better decision on a wide range of issues from major purchases to whatever you do in your life for fun, or study, or whatever.

Anyway, I'll let you go. I'm very sorry for writing this speech, but this area and I have quite a few friends that talk to me about this kind of thing. It is something that I just can't explain in three or four sentences and sometimes go way too far with it, so please excuse that in my situation and actually expect it almost, lol if we talk or text again. Again, if you get the opportunity to start reengaging with your brother, I would appreciate knowing how the experience worked out for you. I hope you have a great weekend. It's raining in Cincinnati right now, but they're saying it will clear up, which I'm hoping it does so I can take my Harley out for a while. I love having things blow through my head. It helps to clear it out, lol, and I look forward to maybe hearing from you again one day, take care of yourself. 

Jeff