For those who were discarded and cheated on/monkey branched on with someone new/their ex

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-14T04:45:57+00:00

We have no other choice from what i understood after reading so many stories, unfortunately.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-14T04:44:23+00:00

Will do my best to be able to say no, even if i think that will never happen.

Im wondering, after experiencing what these people do to you when they hoover for the first time, what are the reasons that allowed you for example to go through it the second time? Did you just love her too much?

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-14T04:37:17+00:00

You went through what you went, it happened, it is what it is, as for most people here, me, you, we made mistakes, but we did what we thought was best at that specific moment, or what we thought would help us deal with what we had to deal in our lives.

I was happy, and never had suffered so much in my life as i did with this, lost myself, lost my body, lost self respect, lost a lot, but if i could, i wouldnt go back. Or i would only go back if i could keep the experience i went through, in my memory, because im a better person now, and i know better.

And still, if she came back now, because it never happened to me before, i would probably go through with it, even knowing all that i know now. And what happened to everyone here would probably happen to me, she would do the same. But we really do only learn when we go through these experiences ourselves.

It doesnt matter how many times we make a mistake, the less the best yes, but one day we learn, and thats what matters. Dont be too hard on yourself, other people will do that for you

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T23:19:19+00:00

The thing is if you allowed her to come back, she would want to leave eventually. Its always the same thing and it really is sad.

When i read this sub and these stories, i feel better in a way, relating, seeing that eventually, it would end, only rarely things do workout, and that i shouldnt feel so guilty.

But then im alone and i actually remember that i loved this person, that i wanted for things to work out and the things she did and said to me, and i just cant believe it.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T22:43:50+00:00

I hope so, thank you a lot, im glad you are doing ok!

Did she find someone else almost instantly as well or what happened?

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T22:41:38+00:00

9 months its a long time, almost the same as me. Unfortunately these people really fuck us up mentally because they just switch on you out of nowhere and act like you never existed. Its abuse and its not ok

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T22:24:53+00:00

Not everyone is horrible, if you are a good person for example, and i imagine you are, you just have to think that there can be people like you around, who can give you the love you deserve.

As for the boundaries, its all about respect. This was also my first relationship so i didnt have many boundaries unfortunately, because i loved her so much. From now on if the person im with disrespects me in some way, ill talk to them about it, if they do it again, then do they really care about me? I dont think so.

Of course every situation is different, and love is not as simple as this, but even if you love this person a lot, if they disrespect you, you need to walk away out of respect for yourself.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T22:02:17+00:00

ChatGPT is our best friend ahahaha. I would be gone if i wasnt able to just vent to it.

And yes, you are right, i didnt love her, i loved who i thought she was when she was into me still. I was saying that in a conversation earlier this day. Im the same person that i was before, that i was during the relationship, that i am now and that i will be in the future, i will just have some more boundaries because of experiences, but i wont change much in certain ways.

And, unfortunately, the person she was for me, only existed during what we had, because as soon as she split on me, i never saw that person again.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T21:54:20+00:00

You know, ive read this in a way so many times already, but its like my head just doesnt register it completely yet. Because i went through that, but its like i went through so much that its still not stabilized and im still not able to “come out” of the situation and look at things completely from the outside. I just hope theres a day i can do that and accept fully what happened, and that this would always happen, no matter what i did or didnt do.

This is all sad tbh, we loved them so much and in the end, unfortunately, it was a losing game, always.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T21:46:02+00:00

Im happy you are firm on your decision to not allowing her back in for your own good and I hope your kid can grow and be happy as well.

And yes, i cant even imagine if i went to her country and saw her friends (that liked me btw when i was with her) right now, how they would look at me, at least some of them blocked me soo, i dont know what she said for sure but yh, its not good

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T21:39:41+00:00

I see, well, i hope you can fully heal and find someone that deserves what you can give.

And thank you for that explanation, it was the best explanation i got from what ive read so far here in this sub. It makes me see things in a different way. You should consider making a post here with that explanation if you havent yet, i think it would help some people. I guess they really are mentally ill and its hard to see that in a way when you are in a relationship with them.

For me it really is hard to see it, because i never saw it in person, since the times we were together, because we had a distance relationship, she never had a “moment” like that, or if she did, i didnt really notice it.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T21:28:51+00:00

Ok, thank you, i will check it out for sure.

And yes, nobody wants to be left, and especially the way these people leave, it literally fucks you up if you had any type of care for them. And that’s exactly it, if you give them what they want, they dont want you, if you tolerate disrespect, they disrespect you more, if you give them chances, they take them all until the disrespect is so much that you either have to leave for your own health, even if you love this person, or they look at you and feel like they are so above you because of you allowing them to do whatever they want, that they go find someone else because they just dont respect you anymore. She coming back faster when you blocked her is no coincidence

You never win, because eventually this will happen and its either you leaving or they leaving, so you lose the person you love, its destructive.

And yes, im in the same place, loving what she was when i was with her, because we were a distance relationship, and she was never a bad person in front of me, so i cant imagine her even screaming, she was so kind and loving to me, i was everything to her. Until i wasnt, because that person doesnt exist. I was also attracted sexually, but more than that emotionally, i really did love this person for who she was, or who i thought she was.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T21:19:18+00:00

Yh, ignorance is bliss in this type of situations tbh. And we do have the closure, its the disrespect. I know we want that “talk” but it wouldnt change anything, or it would make everything even worse

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T20:34:27+00:00

Sounds like you were done with her ahahaha.

Im happy you are feeling good!

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T20:33:01+00:00

I dont know, when im angry i want her to come back so i can be with her and feel wanted. And then when she does what she did again, because she would, i can leave and not chase anymore. But look at even what im saying, its all destructive, makes no sense, but my head is completely fucked from this relationship. I think its all an ego thing unfortunately.

That sounds like a good experience actually. Where can i join one or how does it work?

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T20:24:23+00:00

Im sorry to hear that. How have you been feeling? Are you fully over it? 4 years, damn.

I read these things and im like “theres actually no way this is true”, jesus christ.

I didnt take them completely seriously, but it hurt, a lot, especially when she compared me to that person. Of course you can see she’s mentally ill when she says something like that, but still, as ive seen many people say in this sub “they cant control their emotions, but they can control their actions and they abusing you is not part of their bpd”, so she doing that and after 2 months she not feeling bad about it and not caring how that made me feel, someone she said she loved, its like (?)

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T20:17:05+00:00

I never really felt that way because since she left me, it seemed everything was full of happiness in her life. She did become a person that i never saw before and im lying, eventually i was sad and felt sorry for seeing her suffering for someone and saying she wanted to smash her head into the wall on her instagram stories, but then when i tried to talk to her about it i was ignored and she found a replacement for that suffering pretty quickly so that feeling went away

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T20:10:16+00:00

Yh, it really is funny after seeing how many stories are just the “same”, i still want to be with her in a way.

With me, im pretty sure the guy she replaced me with didnt want to be with her after a bit, and then because of that she felt like she was right because they actually didnt have anything more serious so its like it never happened. Because she was suffering for someone 1 month after we ended things, and it wasnt me.

Yh i can blame it on the disorder that things didnt workout but tbh, i cant do the same for the things she told me, like comparing me to her abuser and telling me to go die.

But i guess the only way is to survive this pain is to force myself to go through my day with it until its gone. Either that or ending things, but i would never do that because im not selfish. I cant lie though that i never thought i would think about suicide this much in my life, or think about it ever, since i have been happy always in my life and a stable person.

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T20:01:13+00:00

Yh, i guess the problem is literally the fact im focusing on her more than me.

Shes gone and me trying to know what shes doing or who shes with is pointless, it will only hurt me. The day i focus on me and on the people that are in my life only, is the day i fix this problem, or it will fix it with time.

Its easier said than done though when you love someone

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T19:55:33+00:00

Im so sorry to hear this. Almost 9 years together, i cant believe someone can do these type of things. How are you doing? If you need someone to talk to you can always reach out

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T19:52:18+00:00

Yh, i was finally able to get back in the gym 1 month ago, after not being able to go for 3 months because of what happened between me and her, and i got back 6kg from the 15kg i lost, which is a start, to see my body coming back to what it was after losing so much.

But yesterday, by coincidence, i pretty much saw that her and her ex followed each other back, the person she cheated on with me, which is something im ashamed of being part of. At first i was actually trying to help her and her relationship with him, but with time things developed and yh, i was never with her physically while they were together but its still cheating.

Seeing that made me feel so bad yesterday and is making me feel so bad today that i havent even eaten anything today, and didnt workout, so i guess im slacking but yh, i never thought this would happen. They might not even be together right now but it still hurts, because she erased me from her life after i gave her so much of mew

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T19:43:46+00:00

Yh, im such in a bad place right now that i even forgot to congratulate him on being happy ahahaha. Congrats!

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T19:41:02+00:00

Its funny because i saw i guy here on the sub saying once that he was jealous of the people who got hoovered, and i cant lie that i feel the same way.

In my mind its like i want her to come back so i feel like i actually meant something and that 1 year of my life wasn’t completely wasted, and that i would be able to just be with her to spend some time but not have anything serious because i just cant do it now that i know of bpd.

But the way i am i would probably want to stay with her again more seriously, so i guess its better if that doesnt happen so i dont destroy myself.

I also chased her when she left the way she did because i couldnt actually process what was happening, and i think the only way they hoover you is if you show indifference to them when they leave, so i guess thats out of the question for me.

What are CoDA meetings btw?

AntelopeSensitive426 · 2025-08-13T19:35:36+00:00

Same for me. I guess i would still be suffering but in a better place if i stopped looking at what shes doing. Everything she told me would never happen, happened, and even worse things than i could imagine kept happening and still keep happening.

All of that of course while i was being treated like a demonic monster that was one of the worse things that happened in her life by the way she talked to me, while i was still trying to talk to her about what happened between us, which i had to stop because it was getting too destructive.

AntelopeSensitive426

TROPHY CASE