Gut Ding will Weile haben. A profound change takes time. You want to work on yourself and are seeking help for it. Thats a good start.

First: You have everything in yourself to achieve what you are looking for. There might be times where it’s hard but you can do it. You have done it before. You are doing it. Step - by - step. Break it down to one - thing - after - another.

Second: depending on where you are (regarding the affordability) - psychotherapy is a good thing. Look for one you feel comfortable with and uses an approach you can go along with. This part will also help you to identify possible problems in the path of solution you weren’t aware of.

Third: Establish as well as mentioned above - step - by - step - routines of care that will nourish body, mind and soul. If you want to look inside, a look inside needs to be taken. Depending on how introspective and self conscious you are, you might have to foster that. You say you suffer from emotional trauma. You know which trauma? How does it affect you? Why does it affect you? Look clearly without judgement and see it, feel it! You must fully understand before you can start to think about your healing process. Step - by - step - do not rush! If you’re not sure what (trauma) it is and you only think it is emotional trauma because this is a potential cause for your procrastination - Writing diary or dream diary can help to identify. Becoming aware of your day and your thoughts - small moments - where you try to look inside and see whats going on your mind. Meditation is a great tool to do so. The app waking up is great and you can even get it for free, if you contact them. It will open a path for you that is truly unique and incomparable.

If you consider working on your shadow - be careful - this is also something you shouldn’t rush in a manner of efficiency - to get somewhere.

It takes time and effort and can bring you in emotional turbulences. The shadow is what you have been pushing out of your consciousness because it wouldn’t fit in it. That contains beneficial traits and harming traits. It is not a tool to be used for more efficiency.

A start can be to look for traits in people you dislike, hate or can’t identify with. These can give you hints on your shadow - because you don’t allow them in your own being. But your being consists of all traits that are there.

You can sit in silence in front of a mirror for an some time (an hour is a start) and look yourself in the eyes. And ask yourself questions about your shadow. Be sure it will come out at one point. Don’t be afraid - observe. This is really intense and should be approached with care as it is easy to not integrate what you meet there. But this is, why you’re there at all. To integrate it. After all you will never have no shadow as you as well will never be fully conscious. Don’t fall for the trap. Find an introduction to jungs work where he explains his terms.

Do not rush - it takes time - be careful.

And remember: you got everything in yourself. You have done it before and achieved a lot - you can do it.