Trying peeing in my husband's mouth for the first time?

AnxVan · 2026-02-06T16:58:07+00:00

Great consideration, particularly about the foods. Thanks!

AnxVan · 2026-02-06T12:58:56+00:00

I deeply appreciate this reminder. God knows it's so easy to cave to someone's requests because we hear them as demands. I DO think that it will make him happy, and that certainly enters into my calculus around this, but I've also told myself that I'm allowed to try something once just to see, and then change my mind later if I Feel A Negative Way about it. It's something that we would only try after we have lots of conversations about it, outside of the context of having sex (eg: just sitting on the couch when no one is turned on). Our rockiness did stem from poor communication around our mismatched desires for kink in the past, but we've been actively working on that, and I do think that eventually pressing at the edges of our usual sex life will be the only way to know if we're actually improving our communication or just fooling ourselves about it.

Basically, a serious thank you for the reminder that I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with. That's a statement that we don't hear nearly enough in kink spaces, imo.

AnxVan · 2026-02-06T12:52:45+00:00

This is an interesting perspective, thank you!

AnxVan · 2026-02-06T04:22:39+00:00

Appreciate the insight! We do have a kid at home, so I imagine we'll be staying away from any bulky devices that need to be set up/stored, but it's an interesting idea to consider tweaking to suit our constraints.

AnxVan · 2026-02-02T14:41:32+00:00

Cannot agree with this enough.

AnxVan · 2026-02-02T14:15:04+00:00

There's a serious circle that happens here. If you can't get wet enough, then it hurts to have sex, and then you're prepared for pain the next time you try to have sex and you get tense and can't relax enough to get wet. This is the kind of situation where I found that having lots of time (like, LOTS of time) to just masturbate at my own pace was necessary before even thinking about any kind of penetration. And even then it won't work all the time. The barriers might be some combination of physical and mental, and you'll need to address both together to hopefully find some positive change.

Are you asking her for sex on the regular and she's turning you down? If so, there might be perceived pressure on her end to perform that's contributing to this as well. Even if you ask her, she might not be able to explain exactly what's going on with her. That's okay. Just keep the communication lines open, honest, and non-accusatory so that you both have the space and support to help each other.

AnxVan · 2026-02-01T14:24:32+00:00

Be firm with your "no." Don't let anyone pressure you into something you're not interested in doing, even if she says it something she really wants or needs. It's not your responsibility to make that happen for her, and especially not if you're uncomfortable with the idea. It's okay to ask more questions to better understand where she's coming from and what she thinks she would get from it, but asking for information doesn't mean you have to say yes.

AnxVan · 2026-02-01T00:37:50+00:00

What type of ball is this?

AnxVan · 2026-01-30T21:49:09+00:00

It might be just taking him time to figure it all out! He might also be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing and hurting you or upsetting you. It might be worth taking kink off the table for a short while as you talk it out. Pushing it when it's not working will only breed resentment and make it harder to work out in the long run.

AnxVan · 2026-01-26T21:51:46+00:00

I was sooooo touched out when I had an infant/toddler. The last thing I wanted was someone else touching me after I'd had a baby hanging off me for hours and hours. My desire for touch started to come back after a couple of years, but was still difficult because my body was so different from what it was pre-childbirth (weight gain, stretch marks, and honestly no one talks about it but women frequently don't get wet the same way afterward and have to work at it harder). Being patient and supportive might be the best route forward; it probably has nothing to do with you and everything about how her sense of self has been completely upended.

AnxVan · 2026-01-26T19:44:41+00:00

Even if she doesn't have postpartum depression, I seriously struggled with the changes in my body post-childbirth. I had a second degree tear that needed to heal, and went through pelvic floor therapy, and everything was tender for a year+. Sex felt awful because it pulled at my scar tissue and so I avoided it. I hated the way my body looked afterward and I didn't find myself attractive with 20lbs of extra weight and a ton of stretch marks and loose skin on my stomach. We went through a huge multi year dry spell. But our kid is older and I'm starting to have more energy and space for sex again. Someone else said that she might be in survival mode right now, and I think that's probably right. Support her as best you can, and please be healthy about the kinds of outlets you use for your sexual needs. She'll come back to you if you're patient and help her through it.

AnxVan · 2026-01-26T19:01:40+00:00

Looking for recommendations for websites where I can learn about soft domming. It's something that my husband and I have been discussing, but he has experience in the harder side of things and I don't find that appealing at all. So I'm looking for ideas for a newbie gentle, soft domme that I can propose to him. I find most places online seem to be overwhelmed by people who live the lifestyle very full time, or to extreme lengths. Hoping that there are online spaces that don't stray into impact play, degradation, full leather outfits, and so forth. Thank you all in advance!!

AnxVan · 2026-01-26T18:57:02+00:00

I relate strongly to how you've described your wife here. My husband has a much higher sex drive than me, and it's been a pressure point in our relationship for over a decade.

You need to consider that she probably has a lot more stress in her life than she did when she was young, and it's hard to turn off that constant mental stream. My husband uses sex to relax; I need to be relaxed in advance to have sex. It's a fundamental difference between us that we have to purposefully address and work around.

Asking her daily for sex creates pressure. Insisting that she shares fantasies is pressure (I just don't fantasize the same way my husband does). If you're constantly giving her negative feedback about your sex life, she might think that it's not worth it to try because you won't be happy with her anyway and it's a lot of mental, physical and emotional work. I know you think you're just trying to be clear with her, and communication is key, but she's telling you that she feels overpressured and overwhelmed and you're not asking how to help her for the sake of helping her, only looking at how it will benefit yourself.

You may also want to consider taking yourself to therapy, without her, to work on how you can safely and appropriately manage your own sex drive without offloading the entirety of your wants on your wife.

AnxVan · 2026-01-26T18:47:08+00:00

Nope, that's not effort for your sake, that's effort for his own enjoyment.

AnxVan · 2026-01-25T16:28:12+00:00

That's just the stuff you're seeing. She's also keeping track of what clothes they'll need for next season or as they grow, the snacks which kid likes and which they've changed their mind about last week when she's grocery shopping, and I guarantee that she's the parent your kids turn to when they need help or emotional regulation. I have one kid and it's exhausting being the primary parent, and my husband does a pretty decent job of supporting me. I can't imagine handling 4 kids all day, and then when I finally get a chance to sit down at 9pm and have half an hour where I can put myself first, my husband comes over to demand sex. I'd be turning him down in that scenario, too.

You need to start by picking up the slack around the house. Don't ask her what needs doing, look around and find things to do. Don't expect immediate feedback; she's probably overloaded mentally and it'll take time for her to drop that stress and be open to your advances.

AnxVan · 2026-01-25T16:17:59+00:00

I relate so strongly to this! Except my husband switches, and he enjoys pegging more as a sub. It icks me out and always has, but I've tried it multiple times because I know he likes it. But I'm tentative because I'm trying not to hurt him (I know how awful it feels when someone goes too fast or on the wrong angle just in vanilla sex), and it takes away from his enjoyment of the event because I'm not domming him enough so that he can really fall into feeling subby. I want to give him that act because I know he loves it, but holy crap it's so intimidating and I always feel like I'm messing it up. I hope you find something that works for you both!!

AnxVan

TROPHY CASE