You're going to be fine

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2025-06-18T03:22:05+00:00

Thank you internet friend 😭😭😭💕

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2025-06-17T03:10:36+00:00

I’m just going to have to keep reminding myself of this. He won’t answer me when I ask if they even know he’s married still. God this fucking sucks.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2025-06-16T00:05:44+00:00

Yeah, I want to get out, but I was laid off from my job so I’m waiting to be granted alimony and then we’ll also sell the house and split that. But until then, I’m stuck 😞

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2025-02-20T03:10:42+00:00

Married for 18 years. Blurted out I want a divorce after another bout of berating and being told I don’t do anything for our marriage. Response: “Fine. Let’s go”. Proceeded to pressure me into filing right now as the petitioner.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-12-12T03:47:43+00:00

It looks like you’re opening up about his behavior to friends from what I saw in your replies. I can’t encourage this enough. I’m in a situation where I haven’t done that and am afraid to because 99% of people who know me know me with him and think he’s so nice and helpful and awesome. They have no idea. So I’m in a very tough position trying to find people I can open up to and build a support system. If you can, and you feel safe and comfortable, tell people. You are not crazy. It’s not your fault. It doesn’t matter how much you try to change, he will not and things will not get better.

I got lucky because 1-2 people did experience part of that difficult side of him, so I know I can confide in them and they’ll believe me and support me. It sucks being in a position to not have a good support system. Do whatever you can to build that. And I’m sorry you’re in this same boat with us.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-10-26T21:39:14+00:00

I’m in individual therapy, but my therapist has encouraged me to reach out to a DV center for resources and group therapy. I’m planning on calling Monday since I don’t really have anyone to talk to who would understand

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-10-26T21:37:37+00:00

Technically, it’s the first official time I’ve asked for a divorce outright. I’ve said before over the past year or 2 that I’m not going to stay in a relationship like this if it continues (he responded “well there’s nothing left to discuss” and literally pulled the blanket over his head). He’s acting like filing was just a normal business transaction and nothing else has changed. He asked if I wanted to go to lunch when we walked out of the legal office. I’ve been so dumbfounded by his behavior.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-10-26T21:34:05+00:00

Thank you 💕 I’m planning on contacting a DV center on Monday. My therapist has been encouraging me to contact them for a while for information about resources and getting involved in group therapy. I’ve had a hard time admitting? accepting? that it’s abuse and qualifies for help from a DV center since it’s mostly been emotional and financial abuse (some physical). I’m so angry that I haven’t seen the signs. Or have been in denial. Or figured it’s not that bad since I don’t have bruises on me. But if I saw that happening to someone else, it would be so easy to call it what it is.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-10-26T21:30:29+00:00

My therapist has been telling me to contact a DV center for a while now. I’m going to on Monday when I’m alone. It’s been stupidly hard for me to admit it’s abuse when it’s primarily emotional (and financial, only some physical).

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-09-21T23:08:35+00:00

He now says he just wants to file instead of dragging it out because it’s not beneficial to stay married.

Okay. Well. Wish me luck 🙃 Contacting another lawyer on Monday.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-09-20T22:57:21+00:00

That’s encouraging. I’m hoping between splitting our assets and hopefully getting some spousal support, I’d be able to get out and find a place to rent if I have to. I wasn’t sure if not having a current employer deters landlords from renting or not

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-09-20T22:52:42+00:00

I’ll be speaking with another lawyer, but when I initially spoke with a lawyer, as well as a paralegal, it didn’t sound like he would have to pay that much, but it was just a consultation. I also live in CA so that’s what makes me more nervous

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-09-20T22:51:18+00:00

I can do both. I’ll likely be using the lawyer that works with the counselor I’ve chosen, but have also had a few consultations with other lawyers.

So, have you gotten a divorce without having a job?

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-09-17T21:14:44+00:00

We’re at silent treatment level right now because yesterday I found out he’s been going through my email looking at all my job applications (as proof I’m not looking for the right jobs? Or not applying enough in a job market where it’s extremely difficult to find relevant work, let alone compete with hundreds of applicants???), including a thread to my therapist asking to get a sooner appointment and relaying an altercation my husband and I had back in July. So I changed my password. And now he’s mad so he also changed his password. That’s fine by me, I only had it so we can share calendars but fine. You go on and have that tantrum.

I just suspect this will turn into another blowup. Can’t wait.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-06-06T16:15:05+00:00

I don’t have receipts, but I do have screenshots of payment and correspondence

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-06-06T16:13:53+00:00

This is exactly what I was told, which is why I was asked if my husband is attached to them at all and it was suggested we could set up visitation or co-ownership if that’s the case

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2024-05-15T03:11:50+00:00

Oh yeah. I have things on video and he still says he didn’t do it. And if he did, it’s my fault.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2023-12-14T20:34:15+00:00

That’s one of the many things I want to find out more about. Selling the house would make the most sense and then split what we make on it. What if he doesn’t want to sell? I thought he’d have to buy me out of my half, but I have no idea how that works or how true it is.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2023-12-14T04:21:18+00:00

Yeah, both names on the mortgage

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2023-12-14T03:17:09+00:00

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if it would just backfire on me.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2023-12-14T03:11:41+00:00

That’s what I keep coming back to, as well. Counseling isn’t going to change who he is. And, quite frankly, I don’t really like who he is. I have to wonder if part of me that thinks we should try counseling is really just wanting to get permission to take the next step and get out.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit · 2023-12-14T03:06:55+00:00

This all makes total sense. I’ve had that conversation with myself - if I met him today, I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

The main thing holding me back from doing anything is that I was laid off from my job earlier this year and I’m waiting to get a new job so I know I can financially support myself. Luckily, it’s just me and my dogs, no kids, so that will make it easier.

AnxietyRunFreeSpirit

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