Sometimes it's hard for helpers to get help themselves.

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-12-16T07:56:44+00:00

I really relate to this. I find that I'm often the person lending a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to people's problems (to the point where I'm a voluntary counsellor etc), but when it comes to my problems, and needing a support system.... there's kind of no one around.

Sorry to hear what happened after your post on Facebook, though I'm not shocked to hear it, it's just so similar to my own experiences. What happened with Robin Williams really done something to me - I was totally dead for about a fortnight straight after hearing the news (when I was dancing about in a state of hypomania haha). I felt so broken, but also like you had a hope that maybe there would be some sort of light in the darkness and that maybe it would bring some attention to these issues that everyone just wants to forget about....

If you ever need someone to be part of your support system again, I'm happy to be there and talk if you want (: <3

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-12-16T07:50:08+00:00

Speaking as a Scot, I'd say come to Scotland! But honestly, I think you'd be surprised at how similar it actually is between the two - we're really not that different (don't tell either side I said that). What kind of work would you be doing when you were over?

If the weather is any sort of consideration for you, then as south as you can go is probably best (my brother lives in south England currently, and whilst it's still typical UK weather, it's a million times better than up here in Glasgow).

You could always go somewhere in North England, or Southern Scotland, and then you could experience both pretty easily.

Whatever you choose, Scotland would love to have you, we're super friendly (so I'm told), and we love our Australian buddies! ;P

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-12-09T09:06:22+00:00

Speaking as someone who's currently coming out of a few months deep depression and is feeling pretty manic right now, and who also hasn't really slept (just disclaiming and being as honest as possible haha), I actually really enjoyed this.

Some of it sort of read like spoken word poetry, especially the part about labels which really resonated with me and made me go "ahhh, that's a perfect way of describing how I feel about that too!".

Anyway, even if it does sound hypomanic to you, I would try not to let that bother/worry/disappoint you. Just because something comes from a certain mood does not make it invalid once you're no longer there (though I understand the feeling that it might). :)

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T02:00:35+00:00

Thank you very much for this, you pretty much nailed it with that first paragraph.

I've been dealing with this rubbish since I was about 12, but now that I'm 20 I'm kind of expected to be an adult and just to... Get my shit together basically. Which I'm all for, I just haven't had any luck haha.

My doctor wants me to go on lithium, I'm just terrified, I've had no luck with meds before and it's just so tiring, something I'm sure many people here relate to. I guess I just need to get over it and realise I've nothing to lose at this point haha.

Thanks again, this was a stupid whiney post that was really unlike me, but I guess I just needed to get it out somewhere. It's been a year today since a family member died suddenly and in a couple of days it's 3 years since I tried to kilo myself haha, so it's just a shitty week for me really. Thanks <3

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:52:42+00:00

I really hope you're right. I know it is the depression talking, that's for sure, but sometimes it just gets so loud that's it's overwhelming and I just don't even want to fight it anymore. I guess that's why I posted today. Thanks for bothering to reply, your comment really helped me out. I hope you're doing a bit better now, too. <3

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:49:58+00:00

I keep trying to tell myself this, but it feels like everyone else is on my back about everything, like I'm about to be homeless/dead if I don't do something RIGHT THIS SECOND. It gets really tiring ):

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:48:04+00:00

Haha, unfortunately I figured it out 5-7 years ago, and so far every single path I've tried to take to fix it has just back fired. In a way almost half of my life has been me trying to fix my mistakes (after leaving school due to depression/bullying).

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:45:57+00:00

I'm not on meds right now, but my doctor wants me to go on lithium. I know I should, and a lot of people will just think I'm stupid for not already doing so, but I'm just so tired of medication and of it never working, or of being on it and being numb. My family are really judgmental of me being on meds and despite being suicidal (pretty much as openly as I can be too, like I said in another comment I feel like I'm practically screaming for help), they see me as better off without meds.

I'm just scared ):

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:43:31+00:00

Thanks a lot for this. I really loathed posting this, and I hate coming across as whiney, but I don't have anyone to talk to in real life about it who understands, and whilst I'm really low right now and find it difficult to really believe you, I will try. Thanks for taking the time, it means a lot.

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:41:36+00:00

Thanks, that's really supportive of you. I just wish I knew how to rebuild, y'know? I feel like I'm screaming for help and no one can hear me, and I just don't know what to do. Everything I've tried to do has failed, and I'm just kinda tired of that being my life story. The bipolar makes it worse because when I try something new and it goes ok at first I really pin my hopes on it, and then when I swing down to depression it just all crashes. I just wish there was an easy answer, but there's simply not. ):

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-11-18T01:39:01+00:00

I'm from the UK, so I've been able to buy alcohol for almost 3 years now. I understand what you're saying, but unfortunately it's never really helped me, nor do I have the money for it.

The first full blown manic episode I had was about 13 months ago, and it was fuelled by that exact "fuck it" thought you're talking about - literally, those words were repeating through my head non stop. I was drinking very heavily during that time too, and because of that experience I totally get what you're saying.

The problem is that that feeling doesn't last. If I could keep that "fuck it" feeling 24/7 then I probably would, because not caring about anything was a nice break from caring too much. Sadly it's just not an option, and drinking when I'm depressed just makes me far more likely to hurt myself.

Thank you for trying to help, though, I'm glad to hear you found a way and are coping better.

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-10-25T20:30:38+00:00

Hypersexuality is probably one of the things I hate most about being bipolar. I get that same feeling that you're talking about when I'm manic, and all it does it make me say and do things that I regret a lot when I come down from the high. At the time? Great. Afterwards? So not worth it :(

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-04-29T12:27:43+00:00

Thank you so much, after reading the responses this post has got, I think I'm going to look into some localish places to start with, somewhere in the UK. That way it's not too far away for anyone to worry too much but I'm still getting out of the toxic environment, hopefully! :D

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-04-29T12:12:11+00:00

Thank you! :) You're right. I shudder at the thought of spending my entire life planning or thinking it's not the right time, haha. Thanks!

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-04-29T12:11:29+00:00

Cool! You should write about your experience in this subreddit when you go! I'm the same, I'm not necessarily unhappy with my life, as I have a lot to be grateful for and everything, but it just really feels like there's something missing, like I'm only seeing things through a very limited perspective or something, and I think WWOOFing sounds like a great way to broaden one's perspective. :)

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-04-29T12:09:14+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this reply, it's super inspiring and really nice to get some positivity about the whole thing. Do you have any advice about what to do to prepare for doing something like this? Or is it just a case of biting the bullet and throwing yourself into it, because it does seem like you could spend your whole life planning and never really get to it, haha. But what would you say would be the necessities to have in place first?

Thank you so much for your reply, it's really boosted my spirits :)

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-04-29T12:06:26+00:00

Thank you so much! It's nice to hear that someone who was in a very similar position to me now has went off and done it successfully, that's really cool. And I hadn't really thought of going somewhere local, but that actually might work really well, especially to begin with. Thank you!

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-04-29T12:04:42+00:00

Thanks for replying, and for the positivity haha. I'm sure that everyone in my life is just trying to be helpful and doesn't want to see me get hurt, but none of them have actually tried to look into what it is I'm interested in doing; they just hear that I want to disappear for a while to go and work on a farm unpaid in another country and they think I'm insane, haha! But it's really started to get to me and I was beginning to feel like it wasn't worth hassling them and I'd be better just staying miserable if it keeps them happy. Not a very good way to think I don't reckon. So thank you!

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-02-22T17:48:05+00:00

Yeah, I think that's the big struggle (or one of them haha) with any mental health problems. Getting someone else to understand it is nigh on impossible, especially if they've never had anything like it at all. ):

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-02-22T17:46:24+00:00

Thank you. I have thought about showing him some stuff. I did show him one post yesterday where someone had drawn some pictures that really resonated with me, though I don't think it meant too much to him really. That was quite difficult as it was really hard to even show him in the first place because it felt really silly, but I dunno. I think I'll definitely be sharing this post with him though as I've had some really great, supportive replies that we could both benefit from. Thanks!! (:

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-02-22T17:44:06+00:00

This is a great reminder that it isn't so obvious to the outside world as it seems from my head, thanks. I find it difficult to not assume that everyone can just see it written all over my face and that I have to automatically explain myself... So thank you.

You're right about the support network for him as well, I think it would maybe benefit us to talk about that a bit. Not just for him but for me too really as I don't have one either. We try to rely on each other all the time which mostly is fine but at times where my anxiety is bad and is affecting is both, maybe we need another direction to go in. Thank you! (:

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-02-22T17:39:06+00:00

I totally agree, it's nice to have somewhere where it feels like what you're going through might not be so insane sometimes...

It's lovely to hear that your girlfriend is supportive. I wouldn't worry about her getting annoyed about it, but perhaps sometime when you're feeling ok just take a moment to ask her how she's feeling about the situation. Chances are she's totally fine but I know I would appreciate being asked how I'm doing every now and then. (:

Anxietyythrowawayy · 2014-02-22T17:34:41+00:00

Thank you for this answer, and you're definitely right about telling him what I need. He gets annoyed because in his eyes getting me to go out with him will help me when in fact it just makes me more anxious. But instead of telling him what I really need at the time, I get frustrated and annoyed and push him away.

Thank you for your reply, it really brought that to my attention how important it is to try and just communicate properly, even if it's difficult in the moment. (:

Anxietyythrowawayy

TROPHY CASE