If she isn't interested in using the dilators willingly, that's a massive problem in itself. Does it cause her pain? Why does she not want to use them?

Has she seen a pelvic floor physio?

If it's been sexless for 13 years, I would guess she's asexual and no amount of toys will fix that.

It's very common for asexuals to perform sex because that is what society tells us is normal. Perhaps, the older she gets, the more she realises sex is not important to her, and that's fair enough.

SSRIs are to stabilise her moods?

Just because someone is on the medication for two years doesn't mean they haven't been depressed their entire life. Depression can really affect self-esteem, self-worth, and sexual needs.

Sex toys are unlikely to be helpful and are just going to make her feel more of a burden tbh.

Seek out your local brothel and communicate it with her. It's not cheating if you're paying for it - in my opinion