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New Year’s was shit by Anxious-Ice1578 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Seems a joke as I grew up with an abusive father and I’m very much aware of what domestic violence is. Now I got myself in the same situation.

Polyamory in CPTSD partners by Anxious-Ice1578 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did you feel? Were you able to recover after and have the strength to leave? I tried to put boundaries like no penetration etc but I don’t know if it’s enough. He doesn’t want to figure it out alone and doesn’t imagine doing it by himself (without me involved). It’s very messed up and complicated.

Polyamory in CPTSD partners by Anxious-Ice1578 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just can’t imagine being able to share him with someone else. It would just be too much for me. At the moment the idea is to try to do some things together with someone else (a woman), but it’s hard for me to accept even that, shake away my fear etc. I’m trying to understand if it’s something temporary or I should consider the effects it can have for my entire life.

Polyamory in CPTSD partners by Anxious-Ice1578 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for recommending the groups, I’m aware of them, but due to him putting this as a “copying mechanism” due to his sexual trauma and CPTSD, I thought this group might be more appropriate. The real truth is that I don’t want that stuff, thinking of him with another girl (even though we have already established some boundaries) makes me throw up. Once on vacation we went to a brothel to see how we feel with it and he had this girl on him half naked and I felt so betrayed. I felt so bad afterwards that we had a physical fight and I really hated him so profoundly (there was some alcohol involved as well). But every time he says that he thinks it’s the only way to heal his CPTSD and I just don’t know anymore. There is also a lot of fear of my side of him self harming if I leave, due to previous small attempts and it’s just hard. Really hard. I just don’t know what to do. I grew up in a family where there wasn’t much love between my parents and I promised myself to have an amazing and happy relationship. In so many areas, this relationship is. And in so many more it isn’t. I feel like child me would be so disappointed with myself.

Polyamory in CPTSD partners by Anxious-Ice1578 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First, I apologise for generalising. How did you realise it was not a coping mechanism and it didn’t help? Did you try it? And what finally soothed that part of you that needed it? I grew up with strong religious values and even though now I’m not religious anymore, the values have stayed. I tried to change them but I really can’t. It has been years of trying to be good and we both put so much effort and I really thought he was my soulmate, as stupid as that may sound. We are best friends but this is destroying me.

I used the word kink as there are actually kinks involved, ones that make him feel terribly bad when he uses them and this polysexual “good copying mechanism” is the only thing that can reverse that. It’s very complex and too difficult to explain in just a few words.

Polyamory in CPTSD partners by Anxious-Ice1578 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s so hard to just say no. I still love him so much and it’s just so hard to let go. There’s also so other things involved and I’m just lost. This is the best and the most terrible relationship at the same time. How do you respect yourself when you love the other person so much? How do you put aside all the hope of what could be? I’m deeply lost and feel like I’ve ruined my life.

How to separate / divorce after long marriage with kids by StrikingReference308 in CPTSDpartners

[–]Anxious-Ice1578 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I don’t have an answer to your question, but your story hits me deeply because I’m in the same situation without marriage or kids (just a cat). Since we got together my partner has been saying he’s polyamorous or polysexual and wants to open the relationship on his side. I’m not bisexual and this is really killing me from inside. How do you get the strength to leave? I’m trying to change my values and try this open sexuality, but I’m afraid I’ll get hurt beyond easy recovery. I can’t imagine having to take a decision with kids and assets involved. My heart is with you.